To be upset when mums tell me off about DD hitting.

[lill72]

I go to a local soft play and my DD who is 3 is going through a bit of a hitting phase. I really want this phase to go and do everything I can to tell her it is not ok and speak to the nursery frequently about it.

At this soft play, you really let the kids go and you sit and watch. I check on DD all the time to see where she is and that she is ok. But you cannot see everywhere from where you are sitting. I check on her lots, but feel like now I should literally sit with her or follow her around. But in some ways, I also feel like a lot of argy bargey goes on at these things and following her everywhere is a little OTT for a 3 year old.

Don't get me wrong - I am horrified that she hits and am not sitting back passively at all. I will be the first to tell her it is wrong etc etc.

What I do not like is when other parents come up and tell me that my DD is 'walloping my child' in a very mean tone. They get very nasty and I leave feel awful as if my child is a monster.

One week I got told off by a woman 'your child was hitting my child' way after the fact, when I was trying to sort out my DD and her DD wanting the same toy. I think her DD had also hit my DD earlier, as she came to me crying.

I dont mind being told, I just think there is a nicer way - like 'I just thought I should let you know - you're daughter has being hitting other children.' nicer tone, nicer words.

I get so incensed/angry/upset at me and my DD who is a very sweet little person -being treated like monsters. I don't want to go again at the moment.

anyone else have the same? what do you reply when someone comes up to you?

[aurynne]

As it happens, this problem will solve itself the moment the OP's DD hits a child who will hit her back 3 times as hard.

I bet she will then be the "offended parent" being rude to the other child's mum. And will completely miss the irony of it.

[wingsandstrings]

I think that there's no call for someone to be aggressive or rude to you. However it is frustrating when your child is hurt by another child and you feel that the parent/carer of the child doing the hurting is not taking effective action. If she hits even once I would immediately remove her from play and sit her out for 5 mins, if she then does it again I would take her home. I obviously don't know your daughter, however I have to say that in my many years of toddler groups/nursery/soft play etc the only children I've come across who have persistently hit or bitten past the age of about 18mths have had parents who haven't disciplined them consistently and firmly on the issue (or they've had SEN, in which case the discipline may not be appropriate).

[lill72]

wing and strings - my DD was the most placid thing until about 2.5 when this started. so what you are saying about your experience does not hold. I am on her all the time, telling her off - the soft play was a mistake to leave her, but have only been there 3 times and this was the only place she has ever been not heavily supervised. I am horrified by her behaviour and it us deeply upsetting - to think I am not disicplining her is just absurd. Trust me, I want this to go and soon as possible - if you read the whole thing, you will see this...

[CertifiedAccountant]

I'm sorry OP, but you can't claim that the soft play is the only place she isn't heavily supervised if she is a "bit of an escapee".

I find your attitude and overall defensiveness really OTT, your daughter has hurt other children, if other parents were telling me my DD was "whalloping" other kids I would be mortified, not getting all snippy with them. I think this thread would have been half the length if you hadn't of had such attitude.

[lill72]

certified accountant - I am allowed to defend myself. You seem to get a tirade of abuse amongst the other helpful critisism.

I am mortified at my child's behaviour, but there is no excuse to be rude to people.

OTT - have you seen some of the comments - they are OTT. I am sorry but I am not used to this forum. Everyone seems to make sweeping judgments and assumptions over the smallest comments made. You cannot win either way.

[CertifiedAccountant]

But your not defending yourself, you are just being defensive. People have responded to you in the same tone you have posted in.

Has it ever occurred to you that your reaction to the criticism you feel you have received both on this forum and at the soft play has been made out by you to be far more critical than it ever was.

After all moving a child away from another child who is hitting them is hardly treating the "hitter" like a leper, is it? It's just common sense.

[Lilacroses]

Forgive me OP, I actually can't remember if I've posted on here or not! Slightly odd, sorry! I think you have to accept that when people see their child getting thumped it is upsetting for them and they feel naturally protective of their child. If they then sense that the parent/carer of the child is not supervising them they feel all the more annoyed. That is why they come up to you in an angry way. I don't think you can expect anything else tbh.

I've had friends with kids who thump, many of them have grown out of it pretty quickly and I know it IS upsetting for you but you just have to supervise your child really, really carefully. I honestly wouldn't go to soft play and leave them unsupervised in your shoes and I say that as someone who had to be literally on top of my Dd when she was that age because she was incredibly nervous and shy so leaving her to it was never an option. I was never able to just sit and enjoy a coffee and leave her to it.

Unfortunately I know what aurynne means. We had friends with siblings that thumped and kicked others constantly. They did bugger all to stop them but were horrified the one time another child hit their child. It was immensely frustrating to hear them complaining about it, I dared to say "well, yes, that must've been upsetting but you know how it is because your children have thumped others before".....it was as if I'd told them black was white!