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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To withdraw DD from being weighed at school?

554 replies

SeaDevilscanPlay · 21/11/2013 16:08

DH thinks I am making a big fuss about nothing.

I refused consent for DD to be weighed at school as I don't think its neccesary. I didn't make a fuss, just ticked the box saying that I did not give consent.

OP posts:
fluffandnonsense · 23/11/2013 19:55

My son is very tall and very skinny and I will be refusing to have him weighed. His BMI is absolutely none of their business!

Sidge · 23/11/2013 19:59

Paper no not at all - if she is tall and you, her dad, or other blood relatives are tall then she is what she is 'programmed' to be. What would be more concerning is if you have a child who is far taller than you would expect to be given for example short parents, short relatives.

And even then it's not a case of tall child = a problem; it could mean that they are a genetic throwback to taller ancestors! It's just something to be alert to. If a child was much taller than expected it might mean they need to me measured (accurately!) from time to time, and if there were other concerns with say weight, or development then a check over by a paediatrician might be advised.

The vast majority of children included in growth screening have entirely normal growth - the whole point of screening is that you check all to identify the rare few that need further investigations. Like cervical screening (smears) - you check all to find the rare few that need intervention.

brettgirl2 · 23/11/2013 20:03

97th centile is nothing. I'm 98th centile at 20 according to the charts. 176cm/ 5'91/2. So tall but not outstandingly so. ... The charts are outdated, I was nearly 14.

PaperMover · 23/11/2013 20:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IfNotNowThenWhen · 23/11/2013 20:14

The thing is, I don't get how it is not totally within a parent's power to stop a child being overweight if that is what the weighing shows.
Anyone saying " Oh,how we have struggled to stop him being overweight since reception but he still is in year 6" is not really appreciating the fact that, actually, at the age of 5, what your child does/doesn't eat, and how much is basically up to you.
I know, I was a right greedy little so and so, and my parent "put me on a diet" age 3 ish. I had no knowledge of this, and only found out as an adult, so I didn't have any angst about it. it's just that I was getting tubby because I loved my grub, and they foresaw a problem, so they sorted it by regulating what I ate. It was one of the only responsible things they did in truth! (My mum was a fat child, and knew how miserable that was, so she wanted to make sure I didn't suffer in the same way.)
I have never been overweight, and have no food issues. I eat everything and when my jeans get a little tight (I still love my grub) I ease off, but don't own any scales.
It is completely possible to regulate what a young child eats, and our responsibility as parents to do this.

defineme · 23/11/2013 20:20

Venusstar I'm not questionin g the research results, but my dd was different. Got letter in reception to say she was overweight and at increased risk of heart disease etc. I weighed and measured her myself - she was 1 lb into the overweight range at that point.
I was at a loss - I fed her precisely the same healthy diet as her skinny twin brother, took them to the same activities, walked them to school together.
She was 7lbs and he was 6 lbs at birth-even though they were 5 weeks early and they maintained 'fat baby and thin baby 'when I breast fed them - she is a very different build to him. However, she's always been in the appropriate age clothing and average height.
I was very worried about being anything but relaxed about food because ds1 has ASD and very anxious about food. I never insist on anything being finished(unlike school who actually upset dd as they insist she finishes her lunch even when she's full) and understand portion size related to hand size. I cooked from scratch and they helped me. So I did nothing, having explained all this to the school nurse who said she was at a loss too.
She was weighed again 2 years later and was fine - no letter because she's now in the normal range - she still is now she's in year 4.

So what's all that about then? I can only assume that not all children stick to the graphs lines, but that doesn't mean they're a ticking obesity time bomb.

It's all very well to say I shouldn't have worried about the letter, she looked fine and clearly was fine, but getting that letter chilled me and made me doubt myself.

snooter · 23/11/2013 20:24

Overfed children become tall as youngsters but often end up short as they enter puberty early which causes their long bones to stop growing.

IfNotNowThenWhen · 23/11/2013 20:36

A freind of mine got the "overweight" letter about her son. She splutterred and said how ridiculous it was. I looked at him and thought "well, a 5 year old probably shouldn't have little boobs".
Her whole family is overweight, so it shouldnt have been a massive shock, but she was totally in denial, and couldn't see it at all.

confusedabouted · 23/11/2013 20:57

I wish school could just be a place kids could go for a few hours a few times a week and do some reading,writing and maths,it seems like they are pretty much being brought up by the state now,and the more you nanny people the more they will act as if they need nannying.

SunshineMMum · 23/11/2013 21:12

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

3bunnies · 23/11/2013 21:27

Sunshine a child who is overweight usually enters puberty early and although they may be taller initially, puberty is usually a set number of years and they will grow 20-30cm during that time and then stop growing. A child who is leaner, although initially smaller will have more normal childhood growing years (grow ~5cm a year) before they start puberty so end up taller. Eg child A is overweight and 140cm at age 8 starts puberty, grows 20cm and ends up as 160cm. child B is 130cm when they are 8 but doesn't start puberty until they are 12 during which time they have had another 4 years of growing 5cm a year. When they enter puberty aged 12 they are 150cm. They then grow 20cm and end up as 170cm. That's the science behind it. at least that's what I keep telling myself about skinny little dd2.

SunshineMMum · 23/11/2013 21:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MotherIsTheBestBet · 23/11/2013 22:03

Had heard that onset of puberty related to weight more than age, but didn't realise that growth slows down so much with puberty. (This is quite a relief to me personally as I had thought that dd might just keep on growing until she became a giant rather than just getting very tall early on and then levelling out. Although of course she may just have giant genes which would perhaps be worse...)

It's difficult all this, isn't it? Lately there always seem to be these two very intense conversations being played out again and again: one about the problem of children with negative body image and the other about how all our children are revoltingly fat. You wonder where they get it from.

cory · 23/11/2013 22:32

I wonder why this has suddenly become such a problem. Weighing and measuring was routinely done in British schools in earlier generations, it is still routinely done in schools abroad. It is not a new unheard of sinister idea.

SatinSandals · 23/11/2013 22:48

Very true, cory. Parents didn't make it a huge issue, I don't know whether mine knew and if they did they wouldn't have been bothered. I takes seconds to hop on and off- instead of that parents make it a discussion point as to whether children are weighed or not and why. I would rather have my child step on scales than have speculation as to why they can't!
It is a well known fact that there is now a huge childhood obesity problem and many parents are in denial that their child is overweight.

Snowbility · 23/11/2013 22:54

I don't think it's suddenly a problem - it's an optional weigh in that we are discussing on an online forum - it's good to question these programmes rather than to blindly go along with any old thing that is suggested by the gov, they don't always know best - experience has taught most of us that!

VworpVworp · 23/11/2013 22:56

I was never weighed in school! Hmm

Never, ever.

3bunnies · 23/11/2013 23:04

More precisely puberty onset is determined in part by % body fat. It will not start or at least be significantly delayed if a girl in particular doesn't have enough body fat to support a pregnancy. Children who are heavier are often also taller as their body takes advantage of the years of plenty to grow up as well as out. This may make parents think 'oh well x is a bit larger than other children but they are taller so they need a bit more on them'. Not realising that they are only taller because they are overweight.

Derbydolly · 23/11/2013 23:09

I've been a Year 6 teacher for donkeys years. Every year there are some parents who refuse consent for weighing. Once every couple of years it'll be someone who refuses for all the perfectly valid reasons above. The rest of the time, honestly, I know in advance whose parents will refuse- it's the parents of the obese kids. I know again some of these parents do it because they already know there's a problem or because they're under a dietician or something but I do wonder how it must skew those national statistics somewhat! In the last ten years I can think of only one obese kid who was weighed!

VworpVworp · 23/11/2013 23:36

LaGuardia completely wrong in our case- my DS is underweight- you can count his ribs from behind when he has no top on. He is on 50th centile for height, and always has been, and about 5th for weight (haven't weighed him for a few months, but he's 5 and weighs 2.4 stones)

passedgo He is underweight, but why on earth would we be in denial? Hmm

He doesn't eat, he doesn't see the need to eat, he cannot even associate his tummy aches (and rumbling tummy!) with hunger and the lack of eating Sad He doesn't like food, other than cake, and already gets anxious and stressed about eating, particularly when tired. But us harrying him, and hassling him isn't going to make him eat more. By having healthy lifestyles as a family, and offering food at regular times, without comment, he can feel safe and comfortable to eat some most of the time. It has been one hell of a shock after a first child that eats anything and everything. Give parents some credit for knowing their children, please.

pamish · 23/11/2013 23:53

I am very short sighted - can just make out the top letter on the chart. I managed to hide this through most of my primary school, by sitting at the front etc., because I didn't want the dreaded glasses. This was finally picked up when I was 9 or 10, in a routine school medical. I'd never seen an optician, because why would I? If I'd had glasses for those missing four or five years I'd probably be a millionaire by now.

SatinSandals · 24/11/2013 07:46

I was the same, pamish because I didn't want glasses. School is such an easy place to screen.
I know, from this thread, that people have different reasons for withdrawing their child but my first thought would be that they are withdrawing because they don't want it pointed out that their child is overweight- they are in denial. I would say that far, far, more people withdraw because of overweight than any other reason. It must skew the statistics to a point of making them worthless.

Sirzy · 24/11/2013 07:51

I was never weighed in school!

You sure? or was it just such a non-event it fades into the long list of non-events which you don't remember happening?

There is loads from my time at school that I don't remember happening but I know it did actually happen

SatinSandals · 24/11/2013 07:59

I had completely forgotten eye tests until pamish mentioned it.
Weighing was a complete non event and no one discussed it or gave it a thought, unlike today where it is such a huge issue that parents have to have a letter and then draw attention to their child by not letting them take part.

EdithWeston · 24/11/2013 09:01

It's quite possible you weren't weighed in school if one or more of the following applies to you:

a) you are over 65 (ish) pre-dated the post-War start of the programme
b) went to a non-participating private school
c) were not in UK during school years
d) had parents who opted you out

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