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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To withdraw DD from being weighed at school?

554 replies

SeaDevilscanPlay · 21/11/2013 16:08

DH thinks I am making a big fuss about nothing.

I refused consent for DD to be weighed at school as I don't think its neccesary. I didn't make a fuss, just ticked the box saying that I did not give consent.

OP posts:
mistermakersgloopyglue · 21/11/2013 23:05

God, I think I must move in some very conformist circles - I cannot think of one person I know who has or would ever make such a massive song and dance out of something as straightforward as spending a few seconds on a set of scales!

And those tut tutting at the nanny state - the fact that we have for the first time ever a generation of children who may well die before their parents due to obesity is a pretty clear indication that intervention is needed.

FreeWee · 21/11/2013 23:08

www.noo.org.uk/NOO_about_obesity/child_obesity/UK_prevalence

Children are getting fatter and we need to be aware of this so health commissioners can commission interventions. It might not be your child who is overweight but by not measuring 'normal' children it skews the stats.

What Elle and Venus said.

VworpVworp · 21/11/2013 23:08

talkinpeace - surely health services should have charts showing healthy ranges, not ranges across the whole (unhealthy!) population?

I would rather this info was collected (if deemed necessary) through the health services, not through education providers.

Last time my DS was in A&E, I had to calculate his dosage for ABs myself- the doctor couldn't actually do the maths (huh- it was 15 squared!!Hmm), nor did they have any scales to weigh my (underweight, very slightly built) DS!

These tests never pick up longsightedness IME either. Eye tests are free for children- we could all just take our DC to the opticians, why waste precious learning time?

FreeWee · 21/11/2013 23:09

www.noo.org.uk/NOO_about_obesity/child_obesity/UK_prevalence

FFS lost a massive post explaining myself in lots of detail now can't tick a fricking box. It's bedtime for me!!!

Goldmandra · 21/11/2013 23:09

I cannot think of one person I know who has or would ever make such a massive song and dance out of something as straightforward as spending a few seconds on a set of scales!

How on earth is making one phone call to exercise a choice offered to me making a massive song and dance? I find this really bizarre!

WorraLiberty · 21/11/2013 23:12

Happy who mentioned obsessing? Confused

Open, normal, matter of fact conversations about weight, is not obsessing.

mistermakersgloopyglue · 21/11/2013 23:17

I was more referring to the massive over thinking and defensiveness on this thread.

happybubblebrain · 21/11/2013 23:23

Worra I was really referring to the national (maybe international) obsession with weight, body size, body shape, image etc. Getting weighed when there is no medical reason to be weighed is a part of that. Unless your body weight is affecting your health it is irrelevant -that is the message you should put across to your children.

Goldmandra · 21/11/2013 23:26

I was more referring to the massive over thinking and defensiveness on this thread.

TBH I hadn't given my decision any more thought since making the phone call so I don't believe I'm overthinking.

I may be a little defensive but it has been suggested that I have my own issues with weight that I'm projecting onto my DD, making weight a taboo subject and doing harm to my DD by withdrawing her from the scheme.

I had a letter suggesting that my DD was included in a scheme to weigh all Y6 children. I was aware that she is already anxious and obsessed about being healthy and I felt that being weighed in school would add fuel to the fire so I declined.

She's unlikely to be quizzed by her peers as she spends very little time in the classroom anyway and, as her weight is pretty much perfect, she won't benefit from any advice sent to me in response to the check.

I think that's pretty measured, responsible parenting and so did the SENCo when I let her know. The SENCo has suggested withdrawing her from sex-ed for similar reasons. I happened to comment jokingly to my GP about it when discussing how she is doing health-wise and he agreed with me.

I don't understand why so many people feel my actions are so dreadful.

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance · 21/11/2013 23:31

www.amazon.com/Your-Childs-Weight-Helping-Without/dp/0967118913

This was recommended on a previous MN thread. It's fab. It includes several caveats about 'spot' weighing of children and the harm it can do to 'over' or 'underweight' children and the damage that improper understanding of growth charts by health professionals can do.

I wouldn't give consent for weighing either.

Ludoole · 21/11/2013 23:45

Ds1 had already been in puberty for over a year by the year 6 weigh in. He was classified as overweight but our gp told us that lots of children put on some weight while going through puberty, and said not to be concerned as long as ds1 was active and ate healthily.
Fast forward to year 9 and he absolutely fits his body. He has solid muscly legs and a toned abdomen.

Ds2 is due to be weighed this year and hes following the same pattern as his brother.

zatyaballerina · 21/11/2013 23:55

She stands on a scale, the nurse takes note of the weight, government has statistics to analyse which will help with policy development, parents get letter with information of the childs bmi.

At no point is anyone stripped or humiliated with degrading comments, the weight isn't announced to the whole class and the child isn't going to be aware of their results unless the parents choose to inform them.

You're entitled to make a big deal out of nothing, that's one way to teach your child that weight is a big deal.

Goldmandra · 21/11/2013 23:57

You're entitled to make a big deal out of nothing, that's one way to teach your child that weight is a big deal.

How am I making it a big deal?

WorraLiberty · 21/11/2013 23:58

Worra I was really referring to the national (maybe international) obsession with weight, body size, body shape, image etc. Getting weighed when there is no medical reason to be weighed is a part of that. Unless your body weight is affecting your health it is irrelevant -that is the message you should put across to your children.

No I disagree

Getting weighed when there is no medical reason is not wrong, because statistics need to be compiled.

The UK is facing an obesity epidemic and it's not going away.

mistermakersgloopyglue · 22/11/2013 00:01

gold won't your child wonder why they didn't get weighed like everyone else? As was said before I think not doing it probably draws more attention than just doing it.

Anniemousse · 22/11/2013 00:05

It's a free choice.

Some people are happy with it, it poses no risks or concerns for them or their child, they consent.
Some people have their own reasons (however illogical they may seem to others, they are valid to them) for not consenting.

Why are people so concerned with what other people feel is right for them and their child, in their circumstances? It's really no big deal.

Fortunately, the law and the department of health agree. Don't want to take part? Fine. No explanation necessary, have a nice day.

Goldmandra · 22/11/2013 00:06

gold won't your child wonder why they didn't get weighed like everyone else?

I've already told her that children sometimes get weighed in school in Y6 but she won't be. She said 'OK, good' and the conversation ended.

She's had enough of being poked and prodded by health professionals.

If we have a system where parents have a choice to opt out, because they know their children best, but doing so means they are accused of harming their child, shouldn't the system be changed?

WorraLiberty · 22/11/2013 00:06

That's what I've been trying to put across (albeit badly) mistermakersgloopyglue

Surely singling your own child out to not be weighed along with their peers, sends a message to your child that you're somehow worried about their weight? Or that they might have something to be ashamed of?

Elsiequadrille · 22/11/2013 00:08

I wasn't weighed at private school. No nit nurse either!

WorraLiberty · 22/11/2013 00:08

She's had enough of being poked and prodded by health professionals.

You told her she won't be prodded or poked by anyone though didn't you?

I mean you made it clear it's just a run of the mill "stand there for 20 seconds please, thank you. Next Please".

Yes?

Goldmandra · 22/11/2013 00:08

Surely singling your own child out to not be weighed along with their peers, sends a message to your child that you're somehow worried about their weight? Or that they might have something to be ashamed of?

Maybe, if your child's weight is a problem.

My child's weight isn't an issue and, knowing her, I know that not participating will make it less of an issue. Is that OK?

WorraLiberty · 22/11/2013 00:34

Of course it's ok but that doesn't make it any less difficult to understand.

You're child has no issue with weight but (again only in my opinion) you seem to be creating an issue...or at least sending a negative message to your child about health and weight information gathering in general.

I've read all of your posts with interest, and as much as they've clearly been honest and informative...I still don't understand why you're making such a run of the mill check-up an issue for your child.

Anyway, I doubt we'll ever agree on this but there you go.

Goldmandra · 22/11/2013 00:47

I'm not making it an issue for her. I am reducing the reasons for weight being an issue for her.

I've made that decision using my knowledge of her and the staff and setup at her school. I had the power to make that decision because parents know their individual children best.

Then only issue is that we have a system which, on the face of it, offers parents a choice but in reality, someone taking the choice to opt out is criticised for doing so because the system is set up in such a way that to withdraw a child is seen as harmful. There's something seriously wrong there.

In my DD's case a lot of the arguments don't apply but the system shouldn't present any parents with Hobson's choice. There should be genuine freedom to opt out without causing harm to the child.

VworpVworp · 22/11/2013 00:50

elsiequadrille this applies to Independent schools too, as I said upthread!