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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to not be devastated that my DS has red hair

176 replies

EvenFlo · 19/11/2013 09:33

I have a beautiful, healthy 7 week old son who is smiley and basically gorgeous (biased of course).

But shock horror he has a mass of red hair!!

The response I am getting to this from some people is utterly ridiculous - 'oh don't worry it will change', 'oh I am sure it will go blonde', 'oh he is lovely regardless'. This is usually accompanied by slightly sympathetic head tilts.

WTAF - he has hair that might be red (or dare I say ginger) - he doesn't have a bloody life threatening illness or contagious disease. It's just hair!

Does anyone have any suggestions for suitably cutting responses to these comments. It maybe I have it wrong - maybe having red hair is far more terrible than I am realising.

Rant over.

OP posts:

mrstigs · 19/11/2013 13:22

My dh is ginger. Full on carrot orange ginger. I was looking forward to having lots of ginger babies.
But all mine came out blonde! Very beautiful (of course) but I was slightly disappointed tbh.
I had many comments with pg about this though. Most notable was 'can you dye babies hair? Cos you'll need to if it comes out ginner won't you!!' And I kid you not there was no hint of a joke in there at all. I'm afraid the ability to compose a witty comeback left me with that one and she just got a 'no of course I bloody wouldn't you idiot' Then I walked off muttering.

Personally I think ginger hair can be a blessing as a school kid. Doesn't matter if you are wearing a truly awful nanny knit jumper, have braces, thick specs and a zit the size of big ben on your nose. People will still call you 'ginger' when they want to insult you. As a brunette any of those would end up with me being crucified.

mrstigs · 19/11/2013 13:25

^^that's tongue in cheek btw. My dh had lots of ginger taunts in school and I know it made him feel crap. People can be fools.

randomAXEofkindness · 19/11/2013 13:46

Some people are weirdo's. Red hair is beautiful.

I thought my 3rd might have a bit of a ginger hue. I kept saying to DH, "Look, he's going to have red hair, can't you see, look, put him in the light, you're making a shadow over him, move out of the way, look, it's red, see that? See? See? HOW CAN'T YOU SEE!"

Yeah, it's definitely blonde.

It's probably for the best though, he's already at the top of the cuteness spectrum, it wouldn't have been fair on all the other babies

rednellie · 19/11/2013 13:52

Worra - I think there's such a pro ginger camp because of all the persecution. I''ve been lucky with not being teased, mainly because I didn't grow up in the UK, but a good friend who had THE most beautiful red hair was intears when she found out her new baby had her hair. Shed had a rubbish time at school with bullying related to her hair.

That really sucks and shouldn't happen so I guess us pro-red heads may go ott to defend the colour. Ginger Pride etc...

onlysettleforbutterflies · 19/11/2013 13:59

I hate gingerism, it makes me so mad and sad!

I have ginger hair and before DS was born, DP's family kept saying, what will you do if it is ginger and making various jokes - erm give it away??? FFS I don't actually care. Then every time they came to see us, there would be a long discussion on whether his hair was turning ginger or not. I tried all sorts to get them to shut them up and so did DP but they would just start again the next time they came round, it was like some weird ginger obsession.

He is now 2.10 and a gorgeous ginger - they now come and say smugly, I see he is ginger then. Yep well done, you observed correctly.

I hope he can handle the inevitable name calling etc. when he gets to school, I did okay with it but my niece suffered terribly .

onlysettleforbutterflies · 19/11/2013 14:02

Sorry OP I got carried away with my rant, in response to your question I agree with others who said that you should just ask why what is the problem with red hair and that you find their comments upsetting, I found it worked better to shame people and to make them think about what they were saying.

BlackeyedSusan · 19/11/2013 14:04

i would say something like, oh well at2 least he does not have (inserrt a physical characteristic of the speaker that is not their best)

labelwriter · 19/11/2013 14:09

Ha ha, my DD has red hair, it's so amazing (I am biased I know) and I love it, but when she was born you would have thought she was born with an extra head the way some people reacted to it. I adore red haired children, people are so rude.

Beeyump · 19/11/2013 14:16

He sounds lovely, EvenFlo, congratulations

I have red hair and I absolutely love it now, but at school I used to tearfully wish for boring brown hair because of the amount of vitriol my hair colour seemed to produce in some of the other kids.
I hate that it is still somehow seen as acceptable to mock red hair.

Beeyump · 19/11/2013 14:17

onlysettleforbutterflies sorry to hear about your niece's experience.

wherethewildthingis · 19/11/2013 14:27

My gorgeous baby also has lovely red hair. A
crone lady on our street said to me : "Oh, he's ginger. Lovely on a girl, but I always think such a shame on a boy."
I was too shocked to say anything will hit her next time

Alexandrite · 19/11/2013 14:32

When a mum at school had a baby, another mum twice came up to me in the playground and told me a hilarious story about how the mum was worried her baby was ginger. Not only was there a mum standing nearby with her baby with red hair, but my own daughter has red hair too, as she knows.

My dd at 6 hasn't yet got to the stage of being mocked for her lovely long curly red hair except for one instance when a boy on her table said "You've got the hair colour that no one likes." I told her to reply next time "You've got the personality no one likes."

YouTheCat · 19/11/2013 14:33

'Aw he has ginger hair, nevermind, he'll grow out of it' should be met with 'aw I quite liked you until you opened your mouth'.

Original poster

EvenFlo · 19/11/2013 14:35

Wow, just returned to the thread to find all of these lovely responses .

I do worry about DS being bullied for his hair colour but, as PPs have said kids will always find something to tease each other about. I suppose I just have to make sure my little one knows how wonderful he is.

OP posts:

Ledkr · 19/11/2013 14:35

My dd has gorgeous red hair, it makes her special and she stands out.
I do worry about her being picked on but I think ill just try to make sure she's confident and feisty enough to stand up for herself if it did happen

DuckToWater · 19/11/2013 14:36

There are so many handsome red haired men though. David Oakes, Stephen Waddington, Chris Howard, Damian Lewis, Steve Smith...mmm

Original poster

EvenFlo · 19/11/2013 14:36

youthecat I love it! That's a phrase I could use almost daily!

OP posts:

YouTheCat · 19/11/2013 14:36

Reminds me of a tale from school. A year 2 boy had lovely strawberry blond hair but was getting bullied by a rather obnoxious child in his class. The lad with the lovely hair was most indignant one day, following more taunting, and belted the other lad after break shouting 'I'm not a ginger cunt! I'm strawberry blond.'

beginnings · 19/11/2013 14:37

Haven't had time to read the whole thread but just had to say that Littlegreyauditor's response wins. Brilliant.

My brother and sister are both red heads and they're both gorgeous. I have boring brown hair and have always been jealous

ocelot41 · 19/11/2013 15:30

It is considered very lucky in Lithuania...and it also helps if your DS likes to make a dash for it when he is older. Everyone else has that 'Oh my God where is my child?' heart-freeze moment. All you've got to do is think 'Oh - there he is'. Dead handy if you ask me! (Mum of red'uns - can't you guess...)

ocelot41 · 19/11/2013 15:32

Plus -a disaster in the looks department? Are you KIDDING me? I would...
www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2013/11/12/ginger-male-thomas-knights-red-hot-pictures_n_4258766.html#slide=3105140

ocelot41 · 19/11/2013 15:39

I have actually been asked by a random stranger if they could have a cutting of my DD's hair so they could ask the hairdresser to dye it just like that. I was flattered but a bit my child is not a swatch card...

Arcadian · 19/11/2013 15:42

I wish I was a redhead

kungfupannda · 19/11/2013 15:52

All but one of the men in my mum's family have been redheads for three generations. Not the women for some reason - I'm the nearest and I'm just reddish-brown.

It was a lovely deep red, and I was a bit disappointed that my 2 didn't get it. They're both blonde.

Daddypigsgusset · 19/11/2013 16:08

I am Black, my husband is white. Our eldest dc is typical mixed race looking, mix of the two of us, had nothing but compliments about how gorgeous he is since the day he was born. My dd is equally as beautiful. She is so white she is see through and she has red hair. Everyone, and I mean everyone feels the need to comment on the colour of her hair! Either how nice it is or how it will change or how she can always dye it when she's old enough.

It's like people get old lady tourettes when around ginger people where they just can't help mention their hair!

Anyway, I'm just thankful that im the black one in the marriage because tongues would definitely be wagging if i were white and my husband black!

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