To not take my "turn" this Christmas?

[GogoGobo]

In a nutshell, me and DH have hosted for England over the last decade. Christmas for immediate and extended families, birthdays, NYE dinner parties, Family gatherings etc.

last year, I was very poorly in the 2 months before Christmas so we made the decision to be low key, stay at home with 2 yr old DS and dog.

I bloody LOVED it! The quiet, calm, pleasing ourselves....
SIL stayed at home with her DH and Kids and invited her mum, my lot did their own thing.
Well, this year we are not extending any big invites and are looking to "please" ourselves. My family are fine with this ("dont't blame you") but SIL has said its our "turn" to have mil....problem is twofold. We can't please ourselves if we have MIL and she is definitely te type of person who needs to be diluted by alcohol (me) and a group to make her bearable!

Soooo AIBU to just say we are staying home and not extending an invite to anyone...

I think you should take your turn otherwise she may be on her own.

Yabu. Why should your Sil have her every year?

Ummmm. The issue is your MIL and the need to dilute her with others.

If SIL had her last year, she might do this year but probably will have cats bum mouth if you don't do it the following year.

Who else can have MIL?

Could you do a Christmas share with SIL if location is close? Or do Boxing Day with MIL and the others.?

YABU. You can have another quiet one next year.

fisharefriendsnotfood i hear you but we have done 10 out of the last 11 years bar the 1 I w ill.......

She's not just your MIL,she's your dh mother. Does your dh want to have his mother over for Christmas?

Op has done the lion's share over the last ten years though. Yanbu.

pancakeflipper. You are spot on about SIL' cats bum mouth over it . I would be happy to do something Boxing Day....logistics mean no to a shared day.
I am so torn, i feel a bit like I've done enough to last a lifetime and I want a relaxing time enjoying DS but then I feel crippling bad and think Christmas is about other people!

YANBU

I hate the idea of having to take turns, though surely it's still your sil's turn if you've done so many

Have the christmas you want and what your sil chooses to do is up to her

jingling DH is very ambivalent about where his mum is on Christmas Day....he wouldn't ever see her on her own and nor would I. If she didnt come to us she would go to SIL or her brother. I wish I'd never had the home alone Christmas now as I always thought I'd hate it but by god I didn't"

I do feel sorry for the people who nobody seems to want at times like xmas. I understand she is hard to tolerate but i have to say, as much as my mum and i dont get on, i just would not have her alone in xmas. It is one day out of the year, season of goodwill and all that. If you need a drink to soften her rough edges then have one. It is only one day.

I hate having family around at Christmas and I refuse to jost anybody, Christmas is about dp the kids and myself In my home. But I am not a very family orientated person I don't mind as long as I have dp and the children.

Sillybilly the trouble with the 'it's only one day' arguement is that is that is goes both ways if it's just one day and it's not important then sil and mil won't mind op not hosting will they

I don't think YABU, but it's one of those situations where being in the right isn't enough to stop the pangs of guilt over people not being wanted on Christmas day. I totally get where you're coming from having hosted for so many years but clearly your SIL isn't going to take her decade stint in turn.

I don't think I'd be hard hearted enough to stick to my guns and risk her being on her own if your SIL can be equally as stubborn about it. On the bright side alternate years is a BIG improvement on every year playing Nigella and it is nice for your DS to have his GM around on Christmas day. Any chance you can train him up to corner her with some game to keep them both amused?

May i would agree if op had hosted last year but she didnt so am i right in thinking this would be SILs 3rd year having MIL?

Also, i really hope MIL isnt aware of this discussion about who will 'have' to take her. Could be very hurtful to hear your children talk about you like that.

Go on holiday. The only answer in my experience.

I'd just say to my SIL "10-1" and leave it at that.

For all those saying the OP should have her MIL gladly, why is the onus not on the MIL not to be a pain in the arse?

I agree with *Haunted - remind your SiL you've done 10 yrs, so she can come and talk to you about "turns" when she's done 10 yrs too.

Can you point out, you've done the last decade, SIL does this decade? (naughty!)

Seriously though, has anyone asked MIL if she has any thoughts on the matter. I feel for you, really (I have issues with my own family & my PILs) but how sad to be in the MILs position.

Hope to God my family never feel about me the way your family feel about your MiL.

Does she realise?

pekingduck seriously looking like a contender now! :)
yourebeingasillybilly of course MIL isn't aware of this conversation. It would be the 2nd year SIL has hosted. (not sure if i have made it clear but My SIL is MIL's daughter) Sadly DH and his Sis are not close to MIL. I have overcompensated for years thinking she must be smarting from the fact they never call her, seeing her is a 4 x a year duty thing. (Dont want to milk it but DH was overseas w work over the festive perios once and i flew MIL out to Asia to join us so she wasnt on her own!) MIL is very introverted and it doesn't seem to bother her at all, the lack of any intimacy with them. She does however like to be around the grand kids and will openly say se enjoys seeing them.

I do feel like screaming 10-1 FFS. 10-1! She's your mum, suck it up and let me have two fucking days in my pjs!

Nannyogg every family dynamic is different. Sad, but true.