Toddler haircut. AIBU or was hairdresser? Pretty pissed off TBH.

[JesusInTheCabbageVan]

Today I took 23mo DS in for a haircut as he's turning into the Dulux dog. He's had three haircuts previously, which we've got through with a combination of cheerfulness, distraction, cuddles, bribes, firm restraint etc. Whatever works, basically.

Today it was a guy I hadn't seen previously. I settled DS in the chair and explained that he was usually OK with scissors but tended to freak out with electric clippers.

His response: "Well, it's a case of start as you mean to go on. In my experience, whatever you do now, they'll be exactly the same when they're six or seven."

So I suggested we try scissors. As soon as he started, DS got quite agitated and tried to wriggle out of the chair. I picked him up before he could fall out (it was a good three feet to the ground) and gave him a hug.

Hairdresser immediately said "See, that's the worst mistake you could have made. You shouldn't have cuddled him because now he knows all he has to do is cry."

We tried various different things, all at his suggestion. Taking DS off to calm down, sitting him in an adult chair, sitting him in an adult chair with a cushion, with me next to him, with me sitting a distance away. Each time, DS freaked out and hairdresser just stood there and laughed till I intervened.

I asked if we could do it with DS sat on my lap or cuddling me, as this had worked in the past. He said no, because "Every time I've done that in the past, I've had to take two or three days off work because I've cut chunks out of my fingers." Even with clippers? Yes.

I suggested that it was more dangerous to try and cut a toddler's hair if the toddler was bucking and thrashing round, and he said "No no, there's no danger. I'm the only one here who can deal with the wild ones." Then we'd try something else, and he'd just stand back and do nothing while DS screamed. Eventually I'd pick DS up again (because this guy wasn't even TRYING to cut his hair), and then he would whinge about how it was all my fault for cuddling him at the start.

In the end I said to him: look, let's stop talking about what I've done wrong, and talk about how you actually plan to cut his hair, since you keep saying you can do it if only I "help".

At that point a woman started shouting from the back "You need to stop mollycoddling him! You have to be firm!"

Yeah, thanks.

He then said he wanted me to keep settling him back in the chair every time he climbed out. Fine. So I started doing that. After about 5 goes, the hairdresser suddenly said "This isn't working is it? Can you get his dad to bring him in?"

FFS. So now, instead of a toddler who is mildly distrustful of haircuts, I have one who is (probably) downright phobic. And still no haircut.

I'm going to go against the trend here and suggest that you should've walked out when it became clear your DS wasn't up for having his hair cut. A hairdresser can't be expected to be a childcare professional.

TBH, I would have given up much earlier and just clipped his hair out of the way.

Chippy As I said, I wish I had left earlier.

I wasn't expecting him to be a childcare professional. Neither is anyone else, I don't think. In fact part of the problem here is that he seemed to think he WAS a childcare professional - i.e. the bullshit unwanted advice, the criticism, and the conviction that he was the only hairdresser in the country who knew how to handle toddlers.

Another gem from him I've only just remembered. At one point he was making some remarks about how to deal with toddlers which suggested that he maybe didn't have much practical experience of just how bloody stubborn and irrational they can be at times. I asked him, in a polite non-confrontational way, whether he had children himself. He said "Yes, loads, and they all know to sit still and have their hair cut." Prick.

SoupDragon The reason we get his hair cut professionally is because there's so much of it and he also hates having it washed - so we get it thinned as well as cut shorter. That way he looks like someone owns him and we don't have a similarly pitched battle over washing it every week

I could just shave his head, I suppose

I didn't say you shouldn't get it cut professionally. Just that I would have taken him away well before it got as far as it did. And then clipped it out of the way with a hair clip. IMO, there was no need to keep trying and get him (and everyone!) more agitated and/or distressed.

I would have simply tried again another day.

Probably better to have given up for the day and not made an issue if it. DP is a hairdresser and does lots of little ones, and friends and families DC's too. He is about 800 times more patient than me though. He's very good, he distracts them or involves them, whichever they need. He's very quick too and gentle, and if they're distressed he just won't do it. Don't think he uses clippers on the little ones as they tend not to like the noise. But kids all have off days, dd walked around for several days with half a haircut as she threw a wobbler half way through! That hairdresser sounds like a dick and I wouldn't be going back there.

We bought clippers after taking DS to the hairdresser when he was 13 mos. Not an experience I'd care to repeat in public.

Oh dear!ummm I think im going to get a flaming for this but I can kind of get where the hairdresser was coming from.it sounds very frustrating all round although he should have kept his mouth shut! I personally would have given ds a cartoon to watch on iphone or whatever and a lolly... agree with everyone about kiddy barbers however-one near us that has racing car chairs :D
So a very apologetic yabu.

We take our three DS's to a lovely hairdressers just down the road. It's a nice quiet atmosphere and the lady who cuts their hair is calm and gentle even let's them watch Cbeebies shows on her iPad! The littlest ones also sit on my lap and they've never batted an eyelid about it. Have you got an iPad or iPhone or something you could take to hypnotise your DS with? It really works to distract them. Sorry you had such a dreadful experience OP, some people haven't got a clue how to handle young children and your hairdresser sounds like a prime example!

My 14 yo DS has always gone to the mens' barbers with DH since he was a tiny boy.
When he had his first hair cut, they put a board on the chair arms to raise him and the Batman Cape and he went to Woolworths after to choose a small car or lorry .

Now he asks for his cut (a 2 &5) and then to Greggs for his cake.

I did have an annoying incident in Supercuts. The hairdresser obviously didn't want to cut my DD hair (for whatever reason so we walked out )

Ds hated (with a passion) going to have his hair cut. So much so in fact, that we ended up buying a set of beard trimmers and cutting his hair once he was asleep!

The cause? A hairdresser with a dodgy pair of clippers and no patience for children.

YANBU OP, at all.

Try using distraction. Cars, bob the builder programme on your phone etc

Soup Ah, hair clip. Sorry, I thought you meant clipped it as in cut it at home.

To be honest, if I was sat here reading this I'd probably be thinking "Yep. I would have walked out a lot sooner." Thought process in reality went something like:

OK, he seems nice.
What? That was uncalled for - but he said it in a friendly enough way. Maybe he's just a bit clueless.
Oh god, this is going tits up. But he says he's done this loads of times, and he's used to toddlers reacting like this. I'm sure all will become clear soon enough.
No, no, he is just a dick.

Baldricks and Retro The second place we tried had Peppa Pig on DVD and that did work, up until the time came to do the bit at the sides/front. I have yet to find an absolutely foolproof bribe/distraction. Hopefully when he's a bit older and can understand "If you're good NOW, then LATER we will do xyz..." At the moment he's living very much in the moment

OP that sounds like a nightmare and this hairdresser was clearly an arse of the arsiest kind!

As you've said, with hindsight you should have left far earlier than you did, but let's face it hindsight is a wonderful thing and I can completely see how easy it would be to have got yourself into this situation.

I generally take my two boys (9 & 4) to our local barbers where the ladies are lovely with them and they always get a lolly once finished, which for my two pretty much guarantees perfect behaviour during the haircut! Another good option though is to try to find someone who'll come to your home...when DS1 was very little I used to go to a friend's house and she'd have a hairdresser come round- we would put each child in turn into the highchair in front of the telly and give them a biscuit in each hand - Never a protest with the actual haircut as (a) there was no mirror for them to look in and freak out (b) they were mesmerised by the telly and (c) they were too busy cramming biscuit into their mouths to attempt any kind of protest.

Hairdresser was a twat, but it is difficult cutting kids' hair and I can't imagine trying to do it while DS sat on your lap.

I disagree, it sounds as if he didn't have very good scissor skills if he is forever cutting himself just because the child is on a lap. Ds has severe ASD so there was no reasoning/distracting or bribing to be done, nothing worked except me having him in a vice-like grip and hanging on for dear life, while the lovely hairdresser snipped away like a thing possessed. Not only does she give him a very smart cut without resorting to clippers (she worried about getting started and then not being able to get near him to finish, which I'm happy with as I don't think that sort of cut would suit ds anyway) but in almost 14 years she has only nicked him once and herself never. Now he will let her cut his hair as long as he can stand up with his head against the mirror . Oh and she defends us from stupid remarks made by old biddies under the driers .

Tbh nearly ten years into parenthood I've always refused to let my boys have the clippers It's scissors all the way in this household. A new hairdresser at our barbers once did the clippers on DS1 and he looked like a thug, I swore never again!

They have very traditional 'boy' hairstyles (short and neat, I'd love them to have surf-dude hair tbh but they just don't suit it) but these are easily achieved with the scissors.

I cut my kids (2 and 5) hair while they watch cartoons. Very fuss free, and although I had no idea how to cut hair when I bought the expensive sissors, I think if I get a few years of practice in while they're young, then by the time they care I'll be able to do a really decent job.

Clippers, headlock. Job done for another 3 months.

DS2 sits on my lap for his because it is the only way I get a firm enough grip.

They look like marines but hey there is no brushing/washing required.

I would tell a hairdresser to pull yheir fucking head in in tge circumstances yiu describe though.

Do it the way I want or go away.

don't use that hairdresser.

Some children don't dick around. Some do. He was not attuned to your child, but you were, so why not just leave?

What a knob. Ds first haircut she suggested sitting him on my knee. I did ask her about small children being difficult and she said she'd had a couple who had to leave part way through.

Dd sits askew on my lap with an ipad. Works every time!

Does he need to go to the hairdresser at 23 months?