Toddler haircut. AIBU or was hairdresser? Pretty pissed off TBH.

[JesusInTheCabbageVan]

Today I took 23mo DS in for a haircut as he's turning into the Dulux dog. He's had three haircuts previously, which we've got through with a combination of cheerfulness, distraction, cuddles, bribes, firm restraint etc. Whatever works, basically.

Today it was a guy I hadn't seen previously. I settled DS in the chair and explained that he was usually OK with scissors but tended to freak out with electric clippers.

His response: "Well, it's a case of start as you mean to go on. In my experience, whatever you do now, they'll be exactly the same when they're six or seven."

So I suggested we try scissors. As soon as he started, DS got quite agitated and tried to wriggle out of the chair. I picked him up before he could fall out (it was a good three feet to the ground) and gave him a hug.

Hairdresser immediately said "See, that's the worst mistake you could have made. You shouldn't have cuddled him because now he knows all he has to do is cry."

We tried various different things, all at his suggestion. Taking DS off to calm down, sitting him in an adult chair, sitting him in an adult chair with a cushion, with me next to him, with me sitting a distance away. Each time, DS freaked out and hairdresser just stood there and laughed till I intervened.

I asked if we could do it with DS sat on my lap or cuddling me, as this had worked in the past. He said no, because "Every time I've done that in the past, I've had to take two or three days off work because I've cut chunks out of my fingers." Even with clippers? Yes.

I suggested that it was more dangerous to try and cut a toddler's hair if the toddler was bucking and thrashing round, and he said "No no, there's no danger. I'm the only one here who can deal with the wild ones." Then we'd try something else, and he'd just stand back and do nothing while DS screamed. Eventually I'd pick DS up again (because this guy wasn't even TRYING to cut his hair), and then he would whinge about how it was all my fault for cuddling him at the start.

In the end I said to him: look, let's stop talking about what I've done wrong, and talk about how you actually plan to cut his hair, since you keep saying you can do it if only I "help".

At that point a woman started shouting from the back "You need to stop mollycoddling him! You have to be firm!"

Yeah, thanks.

He then said he wanted me to keep settling him back in the chair every time he climbed out. Fine. So I started doing that. After about 5 goes, the hairdresser suddenly said "This isn't working is it? Can you get his dad to bring him in?"

FFS. So now, instead of a toddler who is mildly distrustful of haircuts, I have one who is (probably) downright phobic. And still no haircut.

If you know children are going to be difficult at the hairdressers and wriggle around and risk getting injured you'd be better off not taking them and cutting their hair yourself.

What an awful experience your poor child. Complain - his comment about you hugging him is so awful.

And I have had the wrigglest scared child and the amazing lovely hairdresser worked around him and was so lovely and reassuring to him.

TwoSteps I use bribes, but the problem is as soon as he twigs what's happening, nothing works. Not even chocolate

There's no way I'd have let him anywhere near DS with scissors while he wasn't under control. Not someone who claims to be incapable of cutting a child's hair safely while the child is being held! It's just he seemed SO confident that he had some special trick up his sleeve that I was half intrigued and waiting to see what he'd do. If only so I could see that cocky know-it-all smirk wiped off his face when it failed.

Always did our 3 DSs hair myself until they got to 4 or so.

Wasn't anything fancy - quite long and feminine but ok for a toddler.

Vivienne Thing is, I wouldn't know how to do anything more than your basic pudding-bowl. Poor kid would look awful. Like I said, we've found a much better place now and I'm going to take him there in future. NEVER going back to the first place except maybe to put a brick through their window

That man sounds an idiot and if it had been me I would have had a right go at him for daring to speak like that. What a total arse!! I am not a moddly coddling parent type.

Glad you got his haircut in a decent place. I hate the hairdressers, really hate so I get my sons godparents to take him

We have a lovely lady who comes to our house to cut the ds's hair. She won't use the clippers until they are at least 5 or 6 so that they don't develop a fear of them. When she did finally use them on ds1 she spent a good 5 mins explaining to him how they worked and to prove that they wouldn't cut him she ran them over her hand and let him feel the clippers vibrating. He was still a bit apprehensive, but let her try and as soon as she started he couldn't stop giggling as they tickled a bit. From that moment he was fine with the clippers.

My ds2 is a real wriggler who doesn't like his hair being cut. We manage by him sitting on my lap and poking chocolate buttons in him. She has always told me that whilst it's great if I can keep him still, she says she does anticipate him moving and she manages to still cut his hair fine without chopping her fingers off.

The only time she won't cut their hair is if they have an ear infection as she says in her experience kids go mental if they have someone near their's ears when they hurt (my eldest had glue ear so had quite a few infections).

Find another hairdresser. The one today sounds awful. Can you ask friends for reccomendations?

I forgot to say YANBU

YANBU in the slightest. I would be furious.

I think YANBU.

However the man did say one thing which rang true with me - their behaviour could continue unless you find a way to change it. DSS is now 7 and can be a nightmare when getting his hair cut. DH has had to start taking him as his mum has had to ensure awful behaviour over the years - complete freaking out with clippers, hysterical crying with scissors etc. but an absolutely different child with DH. It's really puzzling as to how he can cope sometimes and has a meltdown at others but whatever the reason, it wasn't fair to put dh's exW through that every few weeks.

I always cut DS2s hair myself when he was little.
Sadly, looking back at the photos you can tell

endure not ensure, doh!

This is why I cut my son's hair myself. It doesn't look the best, but it's short and out of his eyes.

Written them a stinking review on Yell.com. Feel a bit better now.

YANBU, the hairdresser is an tit, clearly he made a bad situation worse! Of course he gets the wild ones, he's making them wild. His first comment, with hindsite, should have got you running.
DS1 never liked his hair being cut, even though I did it myself at home. I did nothing different, it passed. Remember this to shall pass! I'm currently hoping DS2's hair continues to grow at this very slow rate then by the time he needs his first hair cut he might be old enough to understand and sit clamly, he's 2 and only just nearly has a full head of hair.

The hairdresser you saw was rubbish. Really rubbish. Not only does he clearly not understand toddlers but he was rude to a customer.

My DS (aged three) has always hated having his hair cut. I used to cut it in his sleep until I found a specialist child hairdresser who managed to get it right for him.

The first thing the hairdresser said was: if a child freaks out, don't force them and make them hate it.

They suggested bringing DS in to meet the hairdresser in advance and look around. We did that several times before our first visit and watched others have their hair cut.

They asked me to let DS sit on my lap to reassure him and distract him. He was allowed to spray a whole load of plastic animals with a water sprayer as a distraction too. Afterwards I was asked if he could have a treat (ie small sweet).

He didn't like the haircut but he didn't freak out.

The whole thing is geared up to make it non-stressful and bearable for toddlers. I've seen several kids freak out during our visits there - most end up having their hair cut and some end up getting to meet the staff, play with the toys and leave with the idea of coming back again another time.

I get ds done for a fiver in the barbers, he has a chair with a steering wheel so they can't fall our climb out, a dvd for entertainment, no mirrors so kids can't see him coming at them with scissors, he calls the trimmers the ticklers and refuses to cut around ears untill they sit still ish for fear of cutting the tips of ears off like the posh barbers in our local big town did a few months back, he had small kids himself and is brilliant

Yes you did nothing wrong and the hairdresser was hardly skilled at dealing with kids. I was thinking back to what I did. A friend of ours did it in our house and they knew her so were OK but I don't think they would have been happy with somebody they'd not seen before coming at them with a pair of scissors. One of these places with the steering wheel and no mirrors sounds ideal.

I did DS hair. I am so farkin impressed with myself. I just watched the hairdresser doing my crop and copied her on DS and he looks awesome, unlike the Henry V cock up I gave him last time. And it saved me money to spend on my haircuts...

You can do a course!

Both ds's 2&3 sat on my knee to get their hair cut. Strangely enough now they are 16 and 7 they sit on the chair. Your hairdresser was a prat and knows nothing about children.

A course? MummyToMog you are mistaking me for someone who has got their shit together

The hairdresser was an arse.

When DS was smaller, I used to take him with me when I got my hair cut. As he got bigger, we started sitting him in the chair after I was done and the hairdresser would just comb through his hair to get him used to the idea. It was only much later that she started actually cutting his hair and by then he was so used to the place and the chair that he wasn't bothered at all.

I thin starting afresh with a new hairdresser is the best idea. Avoid clippers with the cost and a treat on the way home for sitting still would probably help too. Good luck

This is why DH just cuts ds' s hair with clippers on number 5 in the high chair. He hates it and screams for the few minutes it takes (although he has been less upset each time we have done it) , but rather that than an enormous fuss in a public hairdressers, eeeek!

I only took ds to the hairdressers once, they literally took off about 2mm of hair, it needed cutting again about a week later!