To tell someone I'm re-gifting their present to me?

[SocksinBoots]

One of my neighbours, who I help with letters and phone calls, brought me in a gift last night. It was a fancy, beaded, embroidered, sleeveless cardigan and she was really excited about giving it to me. I was very grateful, although it's totally not my taste, that she had thought of me as I've always been really happy to help her and her family and didn't expect anything in return.

Problem is she urged me to try it on and I felt I had to to be polite. DP was trying to conceal his amusement but I could tell that I looked ridiculous.

I am feeling a bit shitty about what I ended up saying. I told her that it was so nice that, with her permission, I would like to give it to DM for Christmas and it would really help me out because we are so skint at the moment. It's true that we are skint and it's also true that my mum would like the cardi and it would fit her.

She kept saying that she wasn't offended but I could tell she was. I feel like a shit for hurting her feelings.

WIBU?

Yu sound amazing. Please don't worry about this any more.Everyone occasionally says the wrong thing.

It's rude but it's an odd present to give someone - and I not offended by re gifting and I always including receipts as I can't bear waste - would rather someone swop it for something they like.

Just give it back to her, tell her you don't like it and it would be wasted on you but that she should get her money back.

What's done is done and you cant really undone it. You could and should go and apologise but frankly I don't think the relationship with your neighbour will ever be the same again. She spend time and effort getting you what she thought was the right present and you let her know that she got it spectacularly wrong. Whether consciously or not it will make her reassess the balance of this friendship.

Oh I give up!

Thank you Prince.

My last words on this thread are to you D011Y: You may well have amazing tact and have never unintentionally hurt anybody, but you appear to be quite lacking in other qualities. Qualities such as humility, forgiveness and restraint. Frankly I'd rather be clumsy old me.

Of course it's possible that you are nothing like how I've just described you and I'm judging you based on your behaviour on this one thread. That would be quite unfair of me wouldn't it? Perhaps you should think about that.

Bloody hell there's some twats on this thread.

Yes Socks go with the plan you posted just before. Show your neighbour you wearing the cardigan with your explanation, then give it to your mother. I can see you meant well and it just came out a bit wrong!

God, I'm nearly 50 and it sounds hideous and not at all the kind of thing I would wear

It sounds like you are a really kind, thoughtful person, but you were a little tactless yesterday!

Is it bad that it made me laugh a bit it's like something I would do. My social skills often go for a wander when I most need them!

A few weeks ago at toddler group I noticed a thick wooly winter jacket lying on the chair next to my childminder friend (her mindee is always in thick costs in hot weather and thin cardi's in the ice and snow) and said to my friend "ahh poor mindee, hottest day in sept and he's in a huge coat" at which point another mum glared at me picked it up and stuffed her ds into it

Huh? You asked the question. When I need to know if I am restrained, humble and forgiving, I will be sure to ask you socks. Or maybe not.

socksinboots I quite agree with you.

DO11Y you sound like a nightmare. The OP realised she's made a mistake and is trying to put it right. I'm glad the majority of people in this world are human enough to understand that mistake happen. I can also only hope that some day soon you'll make a mistake and someone won't region use how sorry you are and dismiss your attempts at retribution. Perhaps then you'll get in touch with your human side.

My human side doesn't understand a word you are saying joysmum.

Christ, poor op can't win - she feels bad about offending her rather suffocating sounding neighbour (hence not sleeping and posting in here), she's already said she'll make amends and still people give her a hard time?

I refuse to believe everyone on here has behaved totally impeccably at every instance in their lives and never committed a social faux pas or said the wrong thing ever in a moment of panic/in response to something unexpected.

Op I would maybe say that it came across wrong but you meant that your DM would be properly jealous of such a lovely cardi and you meant to say that you might have to let her borrow it for important occasions. You were just all flustered by such a lovely unexpected gesture and your DH sniggering in the background

I think it's better to give to your mum than to return it to the neighbour.

If I'm giving something personal (rather than booze/chocs/flowers) I tend to give a receipt. It's not really fair to force your taste onto others.

References to the neighbour having "the measure of" OP rather suggest that she's generally a rude and thoughtless person. Her posts explain that this was a faux pas and not typical.

Oh. Has the neighbour been party to this change of heart?

OP I actually wouldn't backtrack and say you're keeping the cardigan yourself - I think it would embarrass your neighbour more, as she'd know you were doing it out of a sense of duty. I'd just perhaps apologise for the way you expressed yourself and say that you were touched by the gesture.

Omg some people are being more rude to you on here than you have been to your neighbour.

Make her a cake, put the jumper on and take it round. Say you are mortified at what you said, you love the jumper, you just knew when your mum sees it she will be jealous...maybe your mum can borrow the jumper but you've decided to keep it for yourself. Yes, grovel.

DO11Y in a bad mood this morning?
OP, your neighbour will be hurt but you can make up by saying that you were embarrassed because the cardigan didn't look right on you and because you really appreciated her gift you didn't know what to say. Be honest and tell her that your Mum would love it but if she wants to give it to another friend you'd understand.
Take her chocolates/ plant - something. Tell her that you didn't want to upset her. I'm sure she will be fine. Good luck.

Oh Kate's idea is better!

I think Kate's idea sounds good, though another bit of me thinks "When in a hole, stop digging..."

With this sort of thing, I think you only have to imagine how you'd feel if the positions were reversed. It hurts to have a gift rejected, particularly if it's one you've put a lot of thought into.

While I'm here, can I just say how much I admire the name TracyPenisBeaker. People's usernames are one of the best things about Mumsnet.

What did I get deleted for? I did not personally attack anyone.