to think potty training shouldn't be this bad...

[toiletturmoil]

I know there's a sub-section on this and I've tried posting in there but I need the traffic, I'm absolutely at the end of my tether with this and starting to worry that something is seriously wrong and need some advice.

My dd is 2 years and nearly 10 months. For about seven or eight months I've been gently coaxing her to use the pot but without much real strategy or coercion, I basically took the view that she would show some interest when she was ready and I didn't want to turn her off it by pushing it too hard.

About two months ago, in consultation with my childminder (she's with her five days a week so this is important) we decided to step it up a bit. When she's at home with me and my DH she absolutely refuses to go anywhere near the pot or the toilet seat. Any attempt to put her on it leads to a massive fit of screaming and crying and eventually she normally starts to throw the pot.

I'm told that when she's with the CM she will sit on the pot quite happily but never produces anything and typically holds wee in until she is put back into nappies at which point she will let go. Because she's so reluctant to go on the pot I've been reluctant to push too much at home and have not been forcing the issue for fear of traumatizing her.

About a week ago my CM took me aside and gently but forcefully said we need to get tough with her, other children younger than her are progressing faster and they are getting moderately worried about it.

So we've started enforcing a period of forced sitting on the potty in the morning and evening before she goes to the CM and at weekends. And its gone down so badly. Massive tantrums, tears, throwing the pot etc etc.

I know its not supposed to be a walk in the park but I was expecting there to be some progress by now and I'm quite worried. I cannot think of anything that has happened to traumatize her and make her fearful of the potty. But I'm starting to wonder what happens to kids who just won't ever learn...

My dd is in other ways quite bright (I know all mums say this but its backed up by what everyone else says) and well adjusted, her language skills are fine and she doesn't have any behavioural issues that we've noticed. Its just this.

Please someone tell me this will end.... and that its not just me.

I think standard potties look so uncomfortable and they're so low down. I always used this type with my DC www.argos.co.uk/static/Product/partNumber/3986736.htm

Maybe your DD would prefer this type OP.

I'm also of the opinion that you can't and shouldn't force children to use the potty or toilet during toilet training though bribery is absolutely fine

My DS didn't go for it till he was 3 and several months, I had watched several friends do battle with their same age DCs and decided I wasn't going to go that way, we tried once or twice earlier on but backed off as it was obvious he just wasn't ready. He was trained very easily in the end, just took a few days then we had a couple of accidents over the next couple of weeks. DD on the other (exactly two years younger than him so coming up for 18 months old at that time) took a keen interest in what he was doing and was trained at a much younger age, just after 2.

My DS was over three. We had tried on a few occasions before and given up. When we did try again, he was completely dry (even at night) within a few days, because he was ready.

We had some problems with DD refusing to use the potty and my health visitor advised me to remove everything to do with toilet training (potty, books about potty, grown up pants), put then out of sight and not to mention it again for at least one month. She said that the difference of four weeks might mean that DD was ready but that if we pushed, and turned it into a battle, it could delay things for ages. We followed this advice a few times (each time putting the things away when it was clear she wasn't keen) and when it came to the month where she was ready, it was obvious within the first few days.

Your childminder sounds unhelpful and I would be worried that she thinks it is okay to compare young children & decide what they "should" be doing. Your DD is an individual and will progress at her own rate.

I agree with AllDirection - a decent size potty is important, particularly if your child is quite big when you start to train. We have a variety of Potts as the first I bought were way too small for DD.

I think its one of those things that if you get your timing right and do it when they are ready, not you, it will usually be painless and easy to get within a two week window.
If you push it when they are not ready, it will be longer drawn out, lots more mess, upset, from both sides.

why? just why?

I know a few NCT mums who really push things, like Chicken pox, their DC had to have it, with the dummy, it was gone in a flash, then potty training, it all sounded so laborious and hard work and all working to some uber strict invisible time table

Hangs her head in shame at the £1.50 potty ds learnt on....

A £1.50 potty is great if it works for you LimitedEditionLady. My DD was so big that she wee'd over the top of the cheap Tesco potty.

Oh dear!dont they make cool pottys?i had a teddy one that looked like a chair when i was small.