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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be fed up of sitting every night next to a sleeping DH?

40 replies

iwanttobelola · 14/11/2013 21:52

another night where half an hour after eating and sitting on the sofa that DH has fallen asleep, woken after half an hour and decided to get to bed (at 8.30pm!)
We were both up at 5.30am, he was at work by 7am and I got the (4) DC's to school (after feeding dogs, chooks etc) and then to work at 9.30am til 2.45pm then school run, after school clubs, homework, H/Ec prep, DC's dinner and then mine and DH's dinner made .. he comes home at 6pm, having had what he describes as an 'easy day with a good laugh with the lads' and proceeds to tell me in detail (yaawwwnn) I put kids to bath & bed, serve tea, we eat , he sits and falls asleep ..so sat on my own again watching shite on TV and f**ked off AIBU ? its like this 5 nights out of 7

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 14/11/2013 21:55

He clearly needs more sleep than you

You need a hobby Grin

More time for mums netting?

Writerwannabe83 · 14/11/2013 21:56

He sounds like he's taking advantage to me.....

azzbiscuit · 14/11/2013 21:57

If he's tired he's tired.. Not sleeping when you're tired is bad for you and reduces life expectancy. As above a hobby is in order...

Dancergirl · 14/11/2013 21:57

It sounds like you're annoyed that he's not pulling his weight rather than him falling asleep.

Can't he bath the dc when he gets home?

Rosencrantz · 14/11/2013 22:00

Needing more sleep isnt taking advantage!

The average is 8 hours. I need 10. I'm much less helpful when I'm tired, so it's everyone's interest that I have a sofa nap.

OP. Treat it like he's a new born. You sleep when they sleep. Except replace your sleep with something you love to indulge in. I'd be choosing something that involved sitcoms, stand up DVDs and binge eating crisps.

Original poster
iwanttobelola · 14/11/2013 22:04

Laurie & Biscuit that was my precise thought as he went to bed .. I thought this is when I should be able to say I'm just off to the pub with the girls badminton class and waltz off into the night and then all will be fiiiine .. I am bored ! ..plus I think he has had his banter and talking done with 'the lads' and he is relaxed/horizontal .. even the dog rolls his eyes

OP posts:
Original poster
iwanttobelola · 14/11/2013 22:07

Rosencrantz I like your thinking ..I am working down the remaining bottle of wine and obv on MN so I suppose in the grand scheme of things life isn't too bad

OP posts:
harticus · 14/11/2013 22:07

Ah yes the joys of married life - the beloved sitting beside you gently farting and snoring.
You need to get out and do something else with your life.

Raddy · 14/11/2013 22:09

I would find that very dull, I'm afraid.

SweetSkull · 14/11/2013 22:11

No sex than...
I would be happy. Really.

Original poster
iwanttobelola · 14/11/2013 22:13

hmmm harticus I think I shall find something to do of an evening (god knows what) an evening class? quite fancy a potters wheel in the shed with a bit of Fleetwood Mac and a glass of red

OP posts:
TheCrumpetQueen · 14/11/2013 22:14

Why can't he do kids bath and bedtime?

Original poster
iwanttobelola · 14/11/2013 22:17

it is dull though ..... I am married surely half the point is that I don't have to frantically fill my spare time ? we are due to go away for a weekend soon sand kids .. now I am thinking I shall be wandering around the Lakes talking to ramblers whilst he sleeps ....

OP posts:
livinginwonderland · 14/11/2013 22:17

Well, DP needs more sleep than me, but that's because his job is pretty physically demanding. But, he doesn't fall asleep on the sofa. We both get up for 6am so I'm happy to go to bed when he does (around 9pm). We don't have DC's.

I don't really understand why him needing more sleep annoys you. If there's nothing that needs to be doing at 8.30pm and you haven't suggested doing something together (a film or whatever) then why can't he go to sleep? Surely you can entertain yourself for a bit until you fancy going up to bed?

I think if it's a regular thing he obviously needs more sleep, so let him get on with it and just find something to do. It used to annoy me when DP fell asleep early but if he gets less than 8 hours, he's grumpy and irritable and I'd rather be up on my own for a bit than have to deal with that 5 days a week!

Original poster
iwanttobelola · 14/11/2013 22:18

that was sans kids not sand kids ..serves me right using schoolgirl French! and he doesn't do the bed/bath thing as he needs to look at facebook drink a beer relax after work

OP posts:
VenusDeWillendorf · 14/11/2013 22:19

He does the bed and bath routine, you start a book club!
Simples!

Or if you're worried that he's sleepy after a meal, maybe he has blood sugar issues, and needs a diabetes test.

Hope your it all works out.

ZenNudist · 14/11/2013 22:19

So you don't mind that you do all the hard work domestically?

Suggest take up reading to fill the dull moments - get a kindle! And yes, getting out more.

You need time out of the house, work is not enough. Either make plans with existing friends or plan a social activity or class that will allow you to make some more friends! Perhaps when you shift yourself dh will too. Sounds like you're both in an exhausted rut.

At least he's getting sleep. Better that than sitting up all night mumsnet ting & bring tired and cranky.

What do you do at weekends?

dreamingbohemian · 14/11/2013 22:20

But you guys are getting up at 5.30 am!

Fair enough if you're not tired but I'd be completely shattered by 8 pm myself. I'd need something more stimulating than sitting on the sofa watching TV to keep me awake.

Original poster
iwanttobelola · 14/11/2013 22:22

I think to be honest after running around sorting German Homework out , doing dinner etc I do not relax until after dinner, by which point he has done his relaxing (too much) and has gone to bed .... whereas I am up for talking shite etc ...obv not a thrilling enough evening for him .

OP posts:
LifeOfPee · 14/11/2013 22:23

Off topic but what do you do for a living that has a 9.30-2.45 working day? Sounds ideal.

Original poster
iwanttobelola · 14/11/2013 22:25

Zen weekends are taken up with kids social lives and he works one out of four but also plays rugby. I think though if I started doing something of an evening then I would be happier and then it wouldn't be an issue (except for the dog)

OP posts:
Original poster
iwanttobelola · 14/11/2013 22:27

LifeofPee ( like the name) I am a gardener (though quieter this time of year)/herb grower (for a couple of restaurants locally) so make my own working hours around the DC's

OP posts:
livinginwonderland · 14/11/2013 22:28

5.30am is early though. I know on days when I have to be up early, I'm out for the count at 8pm and I don't have the energy to stay up and talk or be too social after that. I think you either need to sort the kids together or do dinner together so that you're socialising a bit then, or just accept that some people need more sleep than others.

If you had something to do in the evenings, you probably wouldn't resent him going to bed. I do get that it can be dull if you're awake and want to talk and your OH is more interested in sleep. DP and I had that argument a lot when we moved in together, but we're both much more tolerant now.

Original poster
iwanttobelola · 14/11/2013 22:29

Venus thinking about the diabetes thing though he does fall asleep a lot after eating (has been known to fall asleep at work at breaktime) is that a sign ?

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 14/11/2013 22:31

I definitely agree that you need a hobby. You're really good to be doing so much of the work without complaining!,and, 2 days of the week, your hobby should start at 6pm. Its absolutely his turn sometimes to do bath and bed.