To think my dh is a thoughtless fuck.

[Dietfail]

I need to loose weight. But mostly, I want to. Im unhappy.

DH has just had a major go at me for not sticking with my exercise classes and eating rubbish. Fair enough except he didn't seem to care when he wanted me to have a burger with him while out to lunch earlier, and following this lecture has just plonked himself down next to me and is eating a huge bag of crisps.

he can't possibly have any fucking clue how difficult it is to have the willpower to loose weight, Since he eats what he wants and never gains an ounce.

now, I understand that I'm the one who said I wanted to loose weight, even though he's made it clear he really doesn't care either way and loves me how I am. Great. Honestly, great. But who the fuck made him the diet police, Oh and only when it suits him. Should he feel like it he'll suggest a takeaway as I return from the gym for example, but tonight he thinks its ok to lecture me on my failings and then eat a giant bag of crisps less than a foot from me.

ok. so im probably being unreasonable and get a flaming but im so bloody annoyed I feel like throwing all his rubbish food from his crap cupboard out of the window and tell him to go fuck himself.

actually I am not sure you will get flamed. He is your husband, it might be your diet but I think support is the very least he could offer here and lecturing you just isn't the same thing!

Lose, not loose. I know it's not helpful, but if you're going to write about it, that's a start.

I don't think you are being unreasonable; i think he is being a bit of a shit if he cannot support you in this and understand how hard you are trying. He would have a valid point if you were always complaining about your weight and difficulties losing weight, and tucking into fast food while doing so....but you're not, are you?

You poor thing
I'd tell him to shut up about it

Not even remotely unreasonable.

He sounds thoughtless. He doesn't know how to support you with this at all. Have a frank convo with him about how you are feeling.

It's no bloody help for him to encourage you to eat burgers but then shout at you for not sticking to your diet. That would really annoy me actually. He's not being employed as your personal diet policeman presumably so tell him to back off and let you get on with it.

Monkey, I have huge emotional attachment to food so its a long slow process. Im a binger and easily swayed, but I am always trying and have made good process with exercise but am suffering recent injuries and SAD so have been slack recently. Im notggetting anywhere anytime fast, But constantly feel like he presents me the opportunity to be crap.. I.e eating shit.. offering take aways..convincing me to have a burger at lunch. ..sure I should have more willpower and I know the word No. Im not very good at using it.

But are you moaning about your weight whilst eating rubbish? Imo there is nothing worse than someone who keeps moaning about their weight whilst failing to do anything about it. Just wondering if that's why he had a go at you today?

Does he think that he is supporting you by pointing out things like not sticking with exercise classes etc?

Do you go on about it and, whilst normally supportive, he's finally reached the end of his tether?

Monkey, I have huge emotional attachment to food so its a long slow process. Im a binger and easily swayed, but I am always trying and have made good process with exercise but am suffering recent injuries and SAD so have been slack recently. Im notggetting anywhere anytime fast, But constantly feel like he presents me the opportunity to be crap.. I.e eating shit.. offering take aways..convincing me to have a burger at lunch. ..sure I should have more willpower and I know the word No. Im not very good at using it.

whoops double post.

no I rarely, rarely talk about my weight or wish to loose weight. Im not a diet bore! lol

he is a thoughtless fuck you are right

In that case then, Diet, he's not being very nice.

But fuck him, lose weight for you; get on with it with or without his help or support. Easier said than done though, especially with your emotional eating issues. Hopefully someone with experience of emotional eating can help you?

YANBU and he's a dick. It is incredibly hard to lose weight and sometimes even more difficult to go to an exercise class and be surrounded by lithe gym bunnies when you're feeling like shit. My exH told me I was too fat to have sex with and it gave me a complex for years. You do it for you, no-one else. Take care. x

he's had an hour of silent treatment and apologised. .

Any sane man knows to let women get on with it when they're on a diet, and not to make a single comment apart from "you're looking great!".

What an idiot.

He shouldn't encourage you to eat a burger with him then lecture you for not sticking to your diet but I also don't think that he shouldn't be allowed to eat crisps in the same room as you because you are dieting. He isn't dieting so he can eat what he likes. Does he have to hide in the kitchen to eat certain food?

He can suggest non diet food, just turn it down and order a salad instead.

I wonder why he is working so hard at sabotaging your attempts to lose weight.

Dietfail I know you don't want to be a "diet bore" but it might be worth sitting down with him (perhaps just the one time, then be done with it) and sharing your reasons why you want to lose weight and what you might need from him. I had a single conversation with my DH at the beginning of my weightloss journey clearly sharing with him my motivations for losing weight (not wanting to end up too physically incapacitated to look after our DD, not wanting knee replacements and having a stroke like my overweight mother, etc). It was eye-opening for him because, though I'd reached 15 stones at my heaviest, he'd never mentioned my weight and I'd never discussed it with anyone. He's been supportive ever since (even a few times at the beginning eating a particularly junky, calorific meal in the kitchen away from me!).

I'd agree, he should be allowed to eat non-diet food around the OP but he should be more supportive in his attitude towards her and not pick on her.

Don't feel bad about eating junk food or not exercising occasionally. One tip I was given whilst trying to loose weight was: You wouldn't throw away an entire dinner service if you chipped a plate one day, so just because you have had a bad day does not mean you don't pick yourself you and start again the next day.
You need support from your dh, not criticism.
Make sure you treat yourself regularly. A new perfume or book for example to make yourself feel better.
Finally, good luck.

YANBU. I don't think your DH should eat non-diet food in front of you ! At least he could show some solidarity for goodness sake, not rub your nose in it. Thats the most crass unsupportive thing I've heard in a long time!

I used to sit next to a guy at work who always observed Ramadan each year and he couldn't eat or drink anything for the entire day. I really admired his dedication. Instead of eating at my desk I used to go and eat in the rest area - Why would he want to sit there listening to me chomping away at my sandwiches and rustling my Walkers Salt and Vinegar packet.

If your DH is so goddam heartless he needs to be told so, straight up that his behaviour is not acceptable to you and that you expect him to think closely about what you can both gain from eating well together rather than him just moralising about you all the time. If he is too thick skinned to take any notice, then lose your weight, become even more attractive than you already are and find a lovely bloke who will pay you more respect!!