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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Re. Newborn and stepchildren

61 replies

NoDiggity · 09/11/2013 18:25

Please be gentle - I am sleep deprived and don't know if I'm being unreasonable or not! I have a newborn (16 days old today) and my dp thinks it's okay to leave him unsupervised for short periods with my dsc who are 5 and 7. I am very protective of our son - this is my first child. I don't think a 5 and 7 year old should be left alone with a newborn at all. Am I being ridiculous? Just had a row with dp about it...

OP posts:
damnitchloe · 09/11/2013 18:28

YANBU. A 5 & 7 year old should not be left unsupervised at all, even for short periods, let alone in charge of a new born.

Tee2072 · 09/11/2013 18:28

YANBU

AmberLeaf · 09/11/2013 18:30

How much of a short time? Do you mean leaving the room to get something then coming back or what?

MammaTJ · 09/11/2013 18:30

Is he saying they should babysit or just be in the same room, like the living room while you are in the kitchen cooking dinner?

If it the first, then obviously not, if the second, then you are being a bit precious. Would you leave the 5 and 7 year old alone in the room while you cooked before you had your baby? Do you leave your baby in a room alone while you, say, go to the toilet, or take a shower? If so, then there is no reason to not leave these siblings together all in one room for short periods!

OwlinaTree · 09/11/2013 18:30

Do you mean like in the lounge with the newborn while you make a sandwich in the kitchen or do you mean going out of the house to the shop?

TidyDancer · 09/11/2013 18:31

What are we talking about here? Popping to the shops, or going into the kitchen to get a biscuit?

OwlinaTree · 09/11/2013 18:31

X post with mamma

thistlelicker · 09/11/2013 18:32

Oh think we need some clarity in the op before opinions

WhoNickedMyName · 09/11/2013 18:32

You need to clarify what 'leaving them alone' means exactly.

TheRobberBride · 09/11/2013 18:33

What do you mean by unsupervised? When you pop to the loo or something?

I had DC2 when DC1 was 2.5. If I need to leave the room for a minute, I popped the baby in the travel cot where the toddler couldn't poke her. Could you invest in one?

Insanityismymiddlename · 09/11/2013 18:34

Hmm what do you mean unsupervised? Whilst DP nips to the toilet unsupervised or sitting upstairs on the computer for ages sort of unsupervised?

If its the first YABU if latter YANBU I would say a 5yr old and a 7yr old were old enough to know not to touch a baby when told not too.

TheRobberBride · 09/11/2013 18:34

X posts with many others!

MamaBear17 · 09/11/2013 18:34

In time, you may trust your 7yo to sit next to sleeping baby in a carycot whilst you nip for a wee, but that is about as much responsibility as any child should have with a baby. Focus on including your stepchildren in little things like bath time or nappy changes, and enjoy your time together, but go at your own pace.

MrsBungleScare · 09/11/2013 18:35

As the others have said - what do you mean? The children 'babysitting' your newborn or that you won't leave them in the room whilst you make a cup of tea?

I'm not sure how I would have managed if I'd never ever left my 3yo in a room with my newborn whilst I say, nipped to the loo.

Locketjuice · 09/11/2013 18:36

Same as others depends what you mean

EthethethethChrisWaddle · 09/11/2013 18:36

Al

WidowWadman · 09/11/2013 18:37

damnit " A 5 & 7 year old should not be left unsupervised at all, even for short periods,"

Are you serious? My not yet quite 5 year old is allowed to go to the toilet on her own, for example (including in public places, provided it's not too big and crowded), and this morning spent a happy hour playing in her room with her 2 year old sister, whilst we were fast asleep. (It didn't occurr to them to wake us up) - is that wrong of us?

As for leaving them alone with a baby - I wouldn't leave the house to go to the shops, but if it means leaving them in the living room on their own whilst pegging out the laundry in the garden, or putting clothes away upstairs etc, can't see the issue. Not with children the age of mine, even less with a 5 and 7 year old, who I'm sure can be briefed to get mummy immediately and without delay if the baby starts stirring.

EthethethethChrisWaddle · 09/11/2013 18:37

Alone while he goes to the toilet or makes their lunch is fine.

Alone while he pops to shop or pub is not fine.

IneedAsockamnesty · 09/11/2013 18:38

If your meaning adults still in the house then I wouldn't young children often are desperate to help with babies this can lead to them being dropped or picked up by their heads or other such things.

So I think yanbu.

Repeatedlydoingthetwist · 09/11/2013 18:41

I'm not sure that telling us they're your stepchildren is relevant and I suspect that therein lies some of the issue...

Mylovelyboy · 09/11/2013 18:43

Please be more specific.

heidihole · 09/11/2013 18:45

you need to clarify if you mean leaving baby in the bouncer in the same room as them whilst you go to kitchen for a drink, or leave them to "look after" him whilst you're downstairs doing the ironing and mumsnetting!

hettienne · 09/11/2013 18:45

I would trust an average 5 year old to be in the same room as a newborn without direct adult supervision so long as they had been told not to pick the baby up etc.

A newborn might need to be put in a safe place to be protected from a child under 3, but once they are school age I would think fine.

RevelsRoulette · 09/11/2013 18:46

left alone how?
in the same room while you are elsewhere in the house- fine and perfectly normal

alone in the house with 5 and 7 year olds unsupervised and in charge of a baby - are you shitting me

if it is the latter, he needs his head looking at.

But I suspect it's the former, isn't it? It's perfectly normal to be in another room from the children at times. The baby will be fine.

Thiscoukdbeme · 09/11/2013 18:47

The relevance of the OP telling us that they're step children is that although there are other children in the house her DS is her 1st baby. I think that does make a huge amount of difference. Although I think we do need more info op.