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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is a little odd, and rather rude actually?

89 replies

Selks · 09/11/2013 17:27

I have my children's Grandmother and their Uncle (ex's brother and mother......don't ask!!) coming for Christmas Day.
The uncle is vegetarian and I have no problem whatsoever offering a good veggie option for him, happy to cater to his specific likes and dislikes in terms of the actual dish etc etc.
But my offer of cooking an option for him has been turned down - they reckon they will bring a supermarket ready meal veg lasagne for him.
AIBU to want to cook for everyone, provide a nice meal and not have a ready meal eaten at the Christmas dinner table? It feels like a snub towards my cooking quite frankly.
I'm a tolerant person and generally let stuff like this go, but this is irritating me. I would prefer to cook for everyone. Or am I being precious?

For anyone suggesting they are invited after Christmas dinner, that's not possible as they will have travelled from the other end of the country and will be staying in a B&B locally over the Christmas period.

OP posts:

sootikinsandsweep · 09/11/2013 17:28

yeah it's a bit odd but tbh i'd go with it! then put on a fantastic spread, inc a veggie option and watch his mouth water

Gileswithachainsaw · 09/11/2013 17:29

Is he quite fussy?

Maybe this is his way of trying to be ok trouble and not awkwardly having to force himself to eat things etc. Or maybe he just doesn't want you to go to any trouble.

It's better than him turning up and eating toast because you didn't do things quite how he likes :)

muffinmonster · 09/11/2013 17:29

I think I would feel put out, too, but maybe they genuinely think they are being helpful by not putting you to the trouble of cooking something specially for him?

drinkyourmilk · 09/11/2013 17:30

I suspect they are trying to make things easier for you.

And I think it's brilliant that you are so actively involving your ex's family.

azzbiscuit · 09/11/2013 17:30

Put bacon in the pudding to teach him a lesson.

WorraLiberty · 09/11/2013 17:31

He probably feels like he doesn't want to put you out...especially on such a busy day.

ICameOnTheJitney · 09/11/2013 17:31

I totally understand your feelings OP....like he's spoiling the heart of the meal. BUT it's not about what he's eating...it's about all of you being together. Why don't you ask what puddings he likes instead? And he shuold be happy to eat that.

WowOoo · 09/11/2013 17:31

I'd be thankful it's one less thing to have to cook.
Does seem really odd of him to turn it down.

Might it be that he is an extremely fussy eater and would rather choose himself than have to eat whatever you offer (with the risk it's something he doesn't like?)

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 09/11/2013 17:32

Yabu. He is trying to both save you time/effort and also eat something that he can guarantee to like. Why on earth would you feel peeved to have your life made a bit easier on a busy day?

Original poster

Selks · 09/11/2013 17:32

Drinkyourmilk, we get on ok and the kids like it, so it kind of works!

OP posts:

WallyBantersJunkBox · 09/11/2013 17:35

Insist he takes it out of the plastic container for the table though?

And make it clear that providing his own meal disqualifies him from access to all the other side dishes on the table.

If he tentatively reaches for a roast parsnip rap him across the knuckles with a serving spoon as a reminder.

Original poster

Selks · 09/11/2013 17:36

There might be something to it about 'wanting to make my life easier' but it disregards the fact that I would actually like to cook for him.

If you were veggie and were invited for Christmas dinner would you insist on bringing your own meal even if the host had said they would prefer to cook and would cook whatever he wanted?

OP posts:

Heymacarena · 09/11/2013 17:37

I can see how it May make the host feel a bit put put. But perhaps he thinks he OS helping, saving you making a separate dish for him?

I would let him being it, but also make something veggie so he knows you have made an effort, even if he doesn't want it someone else might.

Holdthepage · 09/11/2013 17:38

Just let them get on with it. They are trying not to put you to too much trouble just accept it for what it is.

A few years ago some friends came for Sunday lunch with their 2 early teens daughters. When they arrived I was informed that both girls were now veggie but not to worry about it as they would both just eat the vegetables. Well I had made a beef pot roast and all the vegetables had been cooked in the meat juices! There wasn't much I could do about it by then as they hadn't told me in advance.

Sometimes people don't realise how awkward they are being.

Original poster

Selks · 09/11/2013 17:38

If he really wants to bring the crappy lasagne I won't stop him or even comment on the day. But I will silently feel slightly miffed. I might get my own back by being extremely generous with the sprouts

OP posts:

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 09/11/2013 17:39

I used to take my own if we went to dp's parents tbh (mil not a great cook) but generally if told not to, I wouldn't. But nor would I get wound up about somebody wanting to bring his own.

Original poster

Selks · 09/11/2013 17:41

I'm a good veggie cook too. I was veggie myself for 20 years. He prefers a supermarket lasagne to any of my cooking

OP posts:

Original poster

Selks · 09/11/2013 17:42

I wouldn't say I'm wound up, Remus, just having a little whinge. Obvs it matters little in the scheme of things.

OP posts:

Branleuse · 09/11/2013 17:44

Just say "Im assuming youre joking, haha, very funny, of course you cant do that"

Gileswithachainsaw · 09/11/2013 17:45

I'd say if sAys more about them than it does about your cooking. Some people are just funny about their food or have strong beliefs about cross contamination with meat (separate spoons, veg not cooked in heat fat or with the turkey, chopping boards etc)

If this is what makes him feel comfortable so he doesn't have to worry or ask questions that may offend people, if let him get on with it. But if also ensure all the trimmings were vege friendly so he could have the veg and potatoes etc.

Gileswithachainsaw · 09/11/2013 17:46

I'd , not if ffs

Rufus44 · 09/11/2013 17:47

Hello veggie here

I always offer to bring something to a meal to make it easier for the host,
If the host wants to cook and also wants to make sure I am happy with my meal by asking me what I would like then I would be ....

FUCKING DELIGHTED. Where do you live? Just give me a time and I am there!!

Original poster

Selks · 09/11/2013 17:50

Yeah if it helps him enjoy his day more then fine, I can go with that.
I would not have felt snubbed if he had said something like "thanks for offering to cook and it's no offence meant about your cooking which is great, but I have specific needs so it's probably easier all round if I bring something" but all I've had is a statement from Granny saying he will be bringing a ready meal, no explanation or apology.

OP posts:

Hassled · 09/11/2013 17:53

I have a veggie relative who comes for Christmas and to be honest I find it massively stressful and always end up serving him something I know isn't really up to scratch for a Christmas meal - just let him have his microwave bollocks and focus on the rest of the meal.

Original poster

Selks · 09/11/2013 17:53

Rufus Mushroom Wellington, roasties, roast parsnips, creamed leeks, glazed carrots, vegetarian stuffing, sprouts and chestnuts, Marsala gravy and cranberry sauce sound ok for you?

OP posts:

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