to assume that half a can of tuna is sufficient for a sandwich??

[Heymacarena]

DSS has been round for lunch four times this week and making himself a sandwich.

WIBU to request that he uses only a half can of tuna for his sandwich??

Personally j would struggle to chow through a sandwich made with 140g of tuna.

It's over £1 per can.

I see where Petitgrain is coming from. The DSS doesn't live with them but comes in a few times a week, so isn't being fed restricted daily.

Even if he can eat at school, I think begrudging him a few cans of tuna a week is mean.

Why not just buy a few extra tins a week, and less cheese?

tenacity and petitgrain in some families tuna is a luxary. Why should one member of the family get to eat more of an expensive item, possibly at the cost of another person getting to have any at all. I don't think it's mean or unreasonable to not want someone eating loads of food with no regard for other people. FFS he can eat at school anyway.

Tbh I actually would hide the tuna if it was needed for a meal or I wanted to have it, especially if it's a pound for a tin. Why is this any different to the OP who was hiding treat food from her children?

No, I do understand that. But children should not have to go hungry, is my point

Are you one of those dreadful people who treats greed like something to aspire to and can't share?

Any child who can have a school meal as well as having access to two kitchens and at least one that has cheese ham and other stuff he likes is not going hungry because he's been asked to lay off the tuna a bit.

And you wouldn't have formed the same pathetic opinion if the op was about her own child ( incidentally who is not allowed to do the same thing but you ignore that bit)

I would expect a hungry 16yr old to eat a whole tin.

Me, I would probably have half a tin, but it depends on what is for lunch the next day, I might use the whole tin. I am a little person and using half I would bulk it out with some salad in the sandwich.

Teenagers are constantly hungry.

The DSS has been home four times a week which equates to four cans of tuna. The OP wants him to cut it down to two tins with a grand saving of £2 pounds a week. Other posters have suggested buying cheaper cans of tuna, which is very doable.

IMO there is an undercurrent of resentment hence the OP making a mountain out of a molehill. She could have easily resolved this by sitting down with the DSS and coming up with solutions, or by buying an extra tin or two of tuna... and less cheese.

Ds can eat 400g of Tinned pilchards for lunch. Much cheaper and healthier than tuna although they make the kitchen smell vile. Teenagers eat enormous amounts when they are growing. It is hard to provide them with enough food on a budget.

Why don't you encourage a mixed sandwich. Tuna and cheese, salad or such like.

Perhaps it's also the annoyance of him turning up and feeding himself when he could be eating at school?

Lots of replies there - and it's given me a bit of perspective

I think my issue is a combination of things.

I like to control what goes out of the kitchen. I am the one who shops - and I need to know what is left. I work all week, and have limited time and energy for re-stocking the basics.

Also - l tell DS what he can and can't eat. He is isn't allowed to help himself without checking with me first. I usually will say yes, but I just need to know he isn't using up the last of the ...... whatever. I also sort DH out, so he knows what is available. For example if I am going out and he is cooking I will tell him what I have bought in, and what I would like him to use. This makes sense so that things don't go out of date also.

The matter of him being step child probably does come into it - we pay his mother maintenance to feed and clothe the DC. But if he is eating the stuff I have bought in, then in effect we are paying twice ( and yes, I understand that it's only a few ££ per week...). And yes, he is entitled to the FSM - it is 6th form college.

We aren't struggling for money - but I am quite frugal - as I see what the day to day bills are , and the costs of shopping bills are getting higher and higher. I see no harm in shopping smartly - I don't treat me and DH to fillet steak every day - I try and keep it to a low budget as often as possible.

With regard to bulking out the sandwiches with salad - no go. He won't touch anything like that. I would do it fir myself - and I fill up DS' sandwiches with slices of cucumber to make it more satisfying.

Will have to think this through - and discuss with DH.

I guess I just don't like not being in control.

I wouldn't have thought a whole tin was neccessary but then again, I tend to eat smaller portions.

If he insists he really does need the whole can, he should have it less often and go for a cheaper alternative on other days. Or pay for it himself, he's 16 and if he wants tonnes of something that's relatively expensive for you then, he should understand that it isn't fair for you to shoulder the cost of this. He's old enough to understand that he can't have everything he wants, you need to negotiate with him.

He won't 'go hungry' on half a tin of tuna, plus all the other stuff OP has said she has in her fridge. You can't always have an unlimited supply of whatever foods you fancy.

Does he let himself in whilst you are at work, then OP?

Yes, sometimes DH is here working from home though.

Ah you're being a bit mean OP!

Let himself in? He's not a burglar! I ate a whole tin of tuna, mixed with celery, cucumber, sundried tomato and spring onions. I' mot an especially big person, but do not eat between meals.

Still think it's mean especially now you've said you can afford it. It's your h's responsibility to feed his child when he's there despite what he 'gives' in maintenance. Tell him to buy more tuna.

I don't think it's mean at all.

We buy a certain amount of food also and I like to keep an eye on what's being used as some stuff is earmarked for meals, other just for general use iyswim.

Four twins of tuna for one person per week is a lot to me-whether or not it's affordable tbh.

Had no idea that letting oneself in implied burglary.

buy the tuna you can afford it. I like to pick my battles, within the dynamics of a blended family and all the difficulties that can arise this is not the topic to draw your line in the sand over.

There is no way for you to come out of it looking good if you are arguing over half a tin of tuna, if you tell your dh and dss he cant have it you will be the wicked stepmother that wont even let him have a sandwich in his dads house.

Save your energy for the bigger battles.

Why not say he can have two tins a week for example?

When it's gone, that's it.

If shelling out for a couple of tins of tuna a week feels like "paying twice" for him, then I hate to think what your DH is actually paying in maintenance. I doubt he's already covering 50% of the costs of raising his son.

If your DSS qualifies for FSM then his mother is poor. Properly poor. Do you realise how bone-crushing it is to grow up in a house where money really is that tight. It's probably very welcome to be able to go to his dad's where there is tuna aplenty.

Really, this isn't about the tuna. I think you'd get better advice on the step parents' board. Although this is also a learning curve, the experience of which should help you when your cucumber eating DS hits adolescence.

I feel very sad for your step son. It does not sound as if you go out of your way to make him feel very welcome in your home. In our home, food is available to everyone, without restriction. I have a very slender 17 year old son capable of eating a tin of tuna and half a loaf of bread in a sitting. If a person is hungry in my home, they eat.

If we run out bread or milk, we nip down to the shop to pick more up. We are not rich but budget generously for food.

OP's son is only a year younger so already a teenager.

The thing is the OP hasn't actually said anything to her DSS. She's listening to our opinions to get some perspective on the tuna.

sockreturningpixie why is my opinion pathetic? As far as I can see, nobody on here holds pathetic opinions, they are all valid. And I'm not one of those dreadful people who can't share - my entire point is that the OP may be. I have never known anybody aspire to being greedy, so don't really know what you're talking about there. I have made the point that the OP may well deny her own son food too, because of her frugal nature, and that i think that, of course, would be wrong too.