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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to never trust this friend ever again and possibly revoke friend status.

58 replies

lolaisafuckertoo · 09/11/2013 12:19

A long term friend (known each other from school and so on) has returned to near where we both grew up. She wants to build her own house, fine, she has put together enough money to do so. The build is sort of 3/4 along.Her DH is working but they have run out of liquid capital and she has asked me for 10,000.
Well, her DH WAS working till about a week ago. Turns out she knew he was about to get the chop (friends sister told me this) friend neglected to tell me this. IN essence she wanted MY money with no realistic time frame of repaying it. I hummed and hawed and then she said no more about it.
I didn't pull her on the fact she was willig to take my money basically take it, promise to pay it back but then not be able to KNOWINGLY
She is no friend yeah? Forgive or tell to fuck off out of it.

OP posts:
RoxanneReidsChafingFishnets · 09/11/2013 12:20

I don't see the big deal. You didn't give her it and was a time frame mentioned when she asked?

Reality · 09/11/2013 12:22

Well, presumably her husband will get another job?

I dont' get the angst.

LEMisafucker · 09/11/2013 12:23

She has asked you to loan her some money (which I admit i unusual but it must mean you are good friends i suppose) and you have said no, quite right, but why is that making her a bad person?

YellowDinosaur · 09/11/2013 12:24

Presumably before handing it over you would have had the chat about how soon you needed it back and if this was doable for her? If you didn't then actually you'd be just as at fault.

I agree, no biggy. She hasn't misled you, neither of you have had the relevant conversation.

Original poster
lolaisafuckertoo · 09/11/2013 12:25

She knew he was going to lose his job but she was going to take my money nonetheless with not objective way of paying me back. Given the uncertain climate here abouts, their location this might be the long haul. He took some time to get this one and last only 6 months.
I think it is the sense that she knew he was aout to lose his job but was going to ask me for the money anyway

OP posts:
Original poster
lolaisafuckertoo · 09/11/2013 12:27

She knew he was about to lose his job. It was on the cards the week before she asked me. How is she meant to repay me 10,000 with no wage coming into (an unfinished) house?

OP posts:
Original poster
lolaisafuckertoo · 09/11/2013 12:28

yellow I get the distinct impression she would have taken the money, then let me find out about her husband not working.

OP posts:
sooperdooper · 09/11/2013 12:29

Surely he'd plan to get another job?

You're perfectly entitled to say no, but I don't think she was planning on purposefully shafting you for the money, why would you assume a friend would do that?

sooperdooper · 09/11/2013 12:30

Cross posts, if you think so lowly of her I'm not sure why you're such close friends anyway

DrHolmes · 09/11/2013 12:30

But surely you'd have made up a contract so they they knew it was aloan and had to pay you back at a time you both agreed on. Don't get the issue really.

YellowDinosaur · 09/11/2013 12:31

But if you didn't ask about any arrangements for repaying the money you would have been just as at fault. Surely you can see this? Why on earth would you lend anyone that amount of money without agreeing a timescale for repayments unless you can afford to lose it?

You didn't lend her the money anyway so its a non issue. If you had said you would she might well have told you about her dh's job. You can't presume she wouldn't have. You don't know because you didn't have the conversation

ReluctantBeing · 09/11/2013 12:31

It sounds like she is in a desperate situation to be honest.

Original poster
lolaisafuckertoo · 09/11/2013 12:32

There are limited jobs available in his area where they live. friend wants to stay at home. I just think that if she was certain he was losing his job but asked for money (neglecting to tell me he was soon to be redundant) I know I would have said an instant no.
Holding back the infor that he was about to be jobless makes me wonder if she really was going to shaft me

OP posts:
YellowDinosaur · 09/11/2013 12:32

I can understand this crossing your mind by the way and feeling it was a bit off. But all this talk about ending the friendship and her deliberately trying to rip you off is a massive over reaction.

RoxanneReidsChafingFishnets · 09/11/2013 12:33

If you think she was going to 'shaft you' then you dont think much of her and why are you friends? Doesn't sound like you are a friend to me

LEMisafucker · 09/11/2013 12:34

Well, you must be minted if you have 10k to spare :)

I think your friend sounds like she is in a difficult position it was very cheeky of her to ask to borrow the money though. I wouldn't ask a friend to lend me a tenner let alone ten grand!!

CrabbySmallerBottom · 09/11/2013 12:36

If that's your opinion of her and her motives, I don't understand why you're friends with her in the first place. Hmm

DrHolmes · 09/11/2013 12:39

But you would have made a conract and therfore no way to "shaft you". Sometimes people get huge redundancy pay offs. And you don't know he won't get a job soon.

If you go to a bank and ask for a loan they ask how you will pay it back, over how long etc etc. You should have done that. So if you were going to loan her the money and didn't do that then more fool you.

However, you say she is a long time friend, do you really think she'd shaft you for 10k?

YANBU for not lending the money if you don't want to. But YABU for ranting on here and revoking her as a friend.

WorraLiberty · 09/11/2013 12:39

Does the phrase 'revoke friend status' remind anyone else of Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory? Grin

Nope?

Just me then Blush

LEMisafucker · 09/11/2013 12:41

I hadn't noticed worra, but now you point it out..........

Original poster
lolaisafuckertoo · 09/11/2013 12:43

She kept back the info he was about to lose his job but asked me anyway. I also agree very cheeky to ask for 10,000 and I am not minted by any stretch. Once I found out he was without a job (no redundancy he had only been there 6 months). Maybe I am annoyed because I felt embarrassed at her asking so up front. Perhaps that part of it made me feel used and not the rest of it but just trying to hang it on something.

OP posts:
Sallyingforth · 09/11/2013 12:55

Personally I think you are getting a little too upset over this, but you are of course right to refuse the money.
I was once asked for a "loan" by someone who was unlikely to be able to repay it, and my answer was that knowing her financial position I didn't want to increase her problems by having another debt around her neck. We are still friends.

DrHolmes · 09/11/2013 12:55

"If you don't ask, you don't get".

I just think you are being too harsh. It seems like you aren't really a friend to her. Just say no, tell her your worries and move on.

BTW I don't think it is cheeky. I know people who have lent sums higher than this and re-paid. Surely she wouldn't have asked you for 10k unless you had it and then some...

She asked, you said no. Done.

Mintyy · 09/11/2013 12:58

I can totally understand your upset. Firstly, she has asked you for a quite outlandish sum of money, its not just a couple of hundred quid here. Secondly, she would have taken it knowing that they had no immediate means to repay it. The dh getting another job is by not guaranteed Confused.

I agree with whoever said she sounds rather desperate. But also a potential user. Yanbu.

giraffesCantGoGuising · 09/11/2013 13:03

Can I borrow 10k? or even 1k? I do have a job.

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