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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not contradict 8 year old DS when he says he knows Santa is actually me

65 replies

ImagineJL · 08/11/2013 22:49

I was brought up not to believe in Santa, so I've always had to work at the whole Santa thing, because it never really came naturally to me. But, having been advised by many people that it's magical etc, I've played the game. We've put mince pies and carrots out, talked about Santa, had letters sent from Santa and so on.

Anyway, DS1 is a naturally logical child, and likes to have rational explanations for things. So it comes as no great surprise to me that he has been sceptical about Santa, and today he announced that he knew that Santa didn't exist, and that the presents were bought by me. We were in the middle of tea and there was general chaos so it was an easy statement to ignore at the time.

So, as a Santa novice, I don't know what the protocol is here. Is an 8 year old "allowed" to know the truth (thereby risking letting it slip at school), or should I maintain the fiction and magic? I do have a DS2 who is 4, and I think I could persuade DS1 to keep the secret if I begged him!

OP posts:

Bue · 08/11/2013 22:53

I was 8 when I figured it out, I think it's a standard age. It would have been ridiculous for my parents to continue with the charade because I no longer would have believed them! I had to promise that I would carry on pretending for my 5 year old sister though, and I did until she worked it out a few years later.

CailinDana · 08/11/2013 22:53

I would say Yanbu but I think I'll be in the minority. May I be nosy and ask how you feel about having never believed in Santa? I ask because I don't intend to do the Santa thing with my children.

Justforlaughs · 08/11/2013 22:54

My DS knew by then, in fact 3 out of my 4 did. I was also brought up without the whole Father Christmas thing and while I think it's fun to play along while children are small I don;t like the idea of outright lying to them. As soon as they asked outright I told them the truth. I really can;t see the point in prolonging it, once they know they know, and he is quite old enough to see it as fun to keep the secret for 4yo sibling as well. You can always involve him in some way, let him choose a present or two for younger siblings stocking. (Just a word of warning, older siblings in my experience can sometimes get a bit carried away with the whole "imagination" thing and some of the things mine made up about Santa were quite breathtaking!)

Pull · 08/11/2013 22:54

I've not reached this stage yet but I think the deal is that once they suss it out you should just fess up.
It somehow seems a bit wrong to keep pretending once they've worked it out.
He'll probably be pleased to have such a special secret from his younger brother and hopefully not let the cat out of the bag!
He still seems quite young though, shame!

Annunziata · 08/11/2013 22:55

When mine got to that age, they knew the truth but liked to do the milk and cookies anyway. It's just fun to pretend.

Uprising · 08/11/2013 23:00

My DS1 was about 7 or 8 when he first said Santa wasn't real. DS2 was a bit older (10), but I think that was because he wanted to believe more than anything we said. I was 8 or 9 when I went hunting for presents because I doubted Santa was real.

I think by the time they are about 7/8 they start hearing from the older kids that Santa isn't real anyway. Even if it does slip out at school I don't think they can have you in and haul you over the coals for telling your child the truth.

Though it would be nice for your youngest to still believe if possible.

Disbelief doesn't mean you have to stop putting out the mince pie, baileys and a carrot

Original poster

ImagineJL · 08/11/2013 23:03

Thanks all. I'm hoping he won't make a big deal about it and keep mentioning it, but if he does I think I'll have to be honest.

CailinDana it honestly doesn't bother me in the slightest that I never believed in Santa. It was all I'd even known, so I don't know how Christmas would have felt if I had believed. But I always loved Christmas as a kid, got presents, ate chocolate - what's not to like?!! When I had DS1 I was told in no uncertain terms by friends, that if I told my DS the truth, and he blabbed it to other kids, I wouldn't be very popular in the school playground!

OP posts:

NoComet · 08/11/2013 23:07

Another person never brought up to believe in Santa.
Never bothered me, our house didn't do God or any kind of superstition.

Non of my friends ever said much, it wasn't such a big deal.

I only once had to bite my tongue,

Friend of my parents DD(8) "Why do I get more presents off Father Christmas than other children?"
" because you are the spoilt only child of very well off business owning parents Err hmm, I don't know and your too old to believe in this rubbish "

Floralnomad · 08/11/2013 23:13

I never did the whole Santa thing with mine and they both love Christmas ,they're 20 and 14 now .We have Christmas Eve traditions and do loads of decorating ( my mum has a Christmas light display that attracts viewers!) .I don't think believing in Santa is what makes Christmas magical .

SoupDragon · 08/11/2013 23:14

There is no problem with telling him but you should also tell him that he isn't to spoil the fun for other children, including his brother.

My older two have to play along for the benefit of DD and my niece and nephew had to pay along well past the time they believed for the benefit of DS1 &2 :)

NoComet · 08/11/2013 23:15

DH had very happy memories of stockings from Santa and everyone round here does the FC thing so we did to.

Touch difficult round my cynical parents, we just labels our big present to the DDs from Santa and everyone else gave theirs and was thanked for them.

Stockings in this house tend to be any small present that is likely to get lost, plus chocolate money/oranges.

I can't do stocking tat, we simply couldn't afford to as kids. Christmas money had to go on toys, bikes, cameras and things you really wanted.

MillyONaire · 08/11/2013 23:19

I was 8 and said something similar to my mum. She had a similar attitude to yours OP and said: well, it's whatever you want to believe love.......
I was heartbroken (though outwardly cool and sang froid about this) and desperately wanted my mother to lie, lie and lie some more and let me pretend I still believed!!!

jellyboatsandpirates · 08/11/2013 23:20

I feel your pain, my eldest is 10 and I really can't bring myself to say to him that Santa doesn't exist,
I remember it vividly from my own childhood when my parents told me. Seriously , I do!
I asked them outright, as some child cowbag from school had said there was no such thing as Santa, the parents did it and so I asked my Mum.
She said no, there wasn't.
I just can't do that to mine!
So when he asks, I say "what do you think?" and go with whatever he says.I think on some level he knows

MillyONaire · 08/11/2013 23:20

Sorry so my answer is: yabu!! make sure he doesn't just want affirmation from you. (like I did all those eyars ago )

CailinDana · 08/11/2013 23:21

My two are still too young for Santa but when I've said to friends that I won't be doing it they've been quite negative which is what's made me wobble.
My parents did do Santa and I hated it. I was so pissed off when they finally admitted it wasn't real.

fanoftheinvisibleman · 08/11/2013 23:29

Ds is 8 now and started asking the odd question last year. I didn't lie, but I didn't tell the truth either, I just bounced questions back.

'Does Father Christmas really bring the presents?'

'Well who do you think brings them?'

'I don't know...you?'

'Do you think so?'

I don't think he believes but I think there is a degree of hesitation!

IrisWildthyme · 08/11/2013 23:33

Haven't had a chance to try this line out yet, but when the time comes I'm planning to say something like:

Of course Santa Claus is real - I am Santa Claus, and daddy
is Santa Claus, and so were our mummies and daddies before us
and so many people have been Santa Claus now that Santa Claus
is really really real, and could never stop being real. You can be
Santa Claus too - because Santa Claus is anybody who finds
out the special secret of Christmas: that it is much more fun
to give a great present that makes someone you love happy
than it is to get a present given to you.

TwoStepsBeyond · 08/11/2013 23:37

I tell my DCs that anyone who doesn't believe won't get any presents, so even 13 y.o DS plays along, as otherwise he will get a gift from me, but not a stocking and extra gifts from Santa!

It's all part of the fun so I am happy to keep it going until my youngest (now 7) is all grown up!

CailinDana · 08/11/2013 23:40

Yes how fun to threaten children with a miserable Christmas.

Naoko · 08/11/2013 23:49

I was six when I figured it out. (Well, not Santa, but my country's equivalent). My parents admitted I was right when I asked them, and I was briefly upset but then it was fine. I'd have been far more upset if they'd told me I was wrong and then discovered the truth later! I was also a very logical child. They then explained it was important not to spoil it for the other children, and involved me in the fun of buying and wrapping presents for other people, and it was all fine :) I was still every bit as excited as before.

I think if he actually asks, you have to tell him the truth.

jellyboatsandpirates · 08/11/2013 23:52

I still watch Elf nowadays and end up in floods of tears when the sleigh soars up into the air due to all the Christmas cheer and people believing.

Iaintdunnuffink · 08/11/2013 23:55

I grew up in a family that did Santa but he only ever delivered the silly pressies in a stocking for the morning. So Christmas was never completely about Christmas but it was a fun element. We did this with our children.

My 8 year old has asked me a few times if Santa was really really real. After seeing if he'd go for the "what do you think?" line, I said no. They're at that age when communication amongst peers has gone on a step, lots more chat about such things, friends from different cultures, many of them have older siblings.

He was happy I'd told him straight, I don't think he wanted to seem silly with his friends. He finds it funny that I'd been leaving out a stocking of chocolate and champagne for me from Santa for years. He knows that his older brother has been in on the act. He also knows that his stocking will still arrive on Christmas morning.

Iaintdunnuffink · 08/11/2013 23:56

I'll ad that I've told him not to spoil it for other children, or make fun of them if they believe in Santa.

Canthaveitall · 08/11/2013 23:58

Yanbu. Dd aged 8 asked recently. I tried the 'what do you think?' Etc but she wasn't having it. I must admit I was very upset but its now a joke between us. I am glad I was honest wig her. DS aged 5 pointed out all the father Christmas's we have seen are men dressed up so it won't be lo ng before he rumbles it.

Casmama · 09/11/2013 00:03

YANBU, I remember being really hurt that I had been lied to even though my dad admitted it the first time I had asked. I would have been really annoyed if he had tried to palm me off with"what do you think?"
He has figured it out- it seems disrespectful to keep up the pretence.

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