To not contradict 8 year old DS when he says he knows Santa is actually me

[ImagineJL]

I was brought up not to believe in Santa, so I've always had to work at the whole Santa thing, because it never really came naturally to me. But, having been advised by many people that it's magical etc, I've played the game. We've put mince pies and carrots out, talked about Santa, had letters sent from Santa and so on.

Anyway, DS1 is a naturally logical child, and likes to have rational explanations for things. So it comes as no great surprise to me that he has been sceptical about Santa, and today he announced that he knew that Santa didn't exist, and that the presents were bought by me. We were in the middle of tea and there was general chaos so it was an easy statement to ignore at the time.

So, as a Santa novice, I don't know what the protocol is here. Is an 8 year old "allowed" to know the truth (thereby risking letting it slip at school), or should I maintain the fiction and magic? I do have a DS2 who is 4, and I think I could persuade DS1 to keep the secret if I begged him!

MadeOfStardust: good job she didn't know about the Icelandic Yule Lads

- no just as well....

The way I've dealt with it when DD has asked us to say that it's up to all of us what we believe but that personally, we love the joy it brings to believe go with Santa traditions despite being 40!

So, that's where we are, she doesn't believe but likes to continue with the traditions. Same as with a God, she can see how happy believing in God makes some but doesn't ascribe to it herself.

DS1 worked it out when he was 4.
DS2 asked me when he was 10 and we both looked stunned when I said no, he was not real.
DS3 has found out recently from friends aged 7.
I was told aged 4 by my friend who had started school before me. I didn't tell my parents (or my younger sister) for years as I didn't want to upset them.

Oh, sorry, OP, YANBU.

My five year old questions Santa but his 7 year old brother tells him that Santa is real. Funny that it is my younger one who has stopped believing. We have a two year old aswell so they will probably enjoy playing along for his sake.

I wasn't brought up to believe the Father Christmas thing, and was astonished when I realised the lengths people went to for their children. I was persuaded by DP to do it for our dc and actually I have found it a lot of fun. Ds is 7 and figured it out a few months ago - he begged us to tell him the truth and he took it really well, and hasn't yet told the truth to anyone else - I think he's enjoying going along with it still.

Oh bloody hell

I get so sick of these threads every year about telling the truth or not about Santa. It must only be on mumsnet, because I don't know anyone in RL, myself included, who has such a dilema about it. I don't know anyone who is traumatised about being lied to.

I assumed kids just work it out for themselves or start to question when they reach an age of reasoning.

But for a few years, I think it's make believe fun. We've become so secular and driven by logic/science that magic and spirituality are still important sometimes.

I grew up in an abusive home with lies and dysfunction. The lie about Santa is one thing I don't hold against them. It gave me some magic and I was a very imaginative child. But following any rule to black and white extreme can lead to problems.

I grew up in an abusive home, with lies and dysfunction. Yes lieing to kids as a rule is wrong. But

DD1 is 8 and figuring it out I think. The child in me hopes she'll have this a christmas still believing though! FC is just the delivery guy here anyway, no presents come from him, we work and save bloody hard for the DC's presents, like other posters said no way is anyone else getting the credit!
DS was around 9 when he figured it out but says he didn't say anything to us because he thought we believed I just think he didn't want to admit it...
When she asks outright we'll tell her the truth. YANBU.

I agree that 8 is about the age to click but maybe not let on.

Perhaps even when you knew there was "magic" in receiving gifts that you had no idea about.

Unlike today when kids seem to ask & get!

I dont understand the "santa just delivers the presents that i bought" thing.

What the hell is the point in buying presents to send to santa just for him to deliver them? There's no magic in that IMO.

The story of santa is that he has a workshop and elves who work all year making the presents. I don't understand anything different to that as that's the story in all books/films...

I'm sure people will then say but the presents are all stuff from shops...so what? We obviosuly got stuff bought from shops but never questioned that they hadn't been made by Santa's elves.

I think my parents were great at keeping the story real. One xmas it had snowed and my dad had used a stick to create sleigh like markings in the snow. They also had a hotel with a fireplace and one year we had xmas there my dad put boot marks of coal dust walking from the fireplace! It truly was magical!

But back to the OP - if he asks i guess tell the truth but make him play along.

I remember when I started questioning (over 40 years ago) My mum told me that it was a shame that some little girls and boys didn't believe in Santa anymore, as he wouldn't visit them and their parents would have to buy all the presents.

Whereas those children who did believe would still get a visit.

My mum was really good at that sort of thing. She also told me that if you make a wish (for whatever reason you are given) it will only come true if you wish something nice for someone else rather than you. That sentiment has remained with me into adulthood.

(My DSis should be the happiest multi-millionaire in the world by now!)

I think it depends on the child, their imagination and so on.

My DD is very rational never played with dolls, more interested in the workings of things than going off on far flights of fantsy. Last year she seemed to twig but wasn't confident enough in her thoughts to actually say this directly, more under her breath...."now I know you must have got me this" etc.

However I was more a child of flights of fantasy and totally lost in the whole thing, I was told at school he didn't exist but I kept myself believing even after I saw my mother filling my stocking one night.

Some children ask, but want you to confirm he is real.

Some children ask and its important to tell them he isn't real.

You have to make that call.

Some children wish you had kept it going rather than shatter their illusions.

Its magic and wonder! Yes Christmas can still be great, but more in a jazzed up birthday kind of great.

The sheer fantasy of the north pole, the elves, a man flying through the sky on a sleigh its just amazing.

Alll the nasty and horrid vile things in our world I just think Father Christmas is something wonderful us humans have thought up.

Long Live Father Christmas!

I understand all the love that went into my christmas presents, I understand it now as an adult, especially now I am doing it for my DC., and I got it shortly after I stopped believing.

I don't see why tiny children have to know their parents brought them their gifts.

I just cant help but see it as selfish of the adults.

I would say Yanbu but I think I'll be in the minority. May I be nosy and ask how you feel about having never believed in Santa? I ask because I don't intend to do the Santa thing with my children.

Cailin, we didn't do Santa with ours and they are adults now. It wasn't a problem at all. We didn't say that he didn't exist, we just didn't say that he did. Once they knew for certain that he wasn't real we just made sure that they didn't go blabbing the big secret to their friends.