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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask how on top of things you are?

71 replies

Allthebees · 08/11/2013 13:57

My dad just rolled his eyes when I said our chilli plant had died. He's retired and bored. I work 4 days pw and have a 2 year old.

I also need to get rid of the virus on my laptop but haven't got time to work out how to do it, namely because I don't have time to use the bloody thing (my phone is sufficient for all my "computing" needs). He asks every time if I've done it yet "it won't take you long".

He continually asks if I've got into any number of tv shows/series/films. He's always asking if I've done / sorted this that and the other and I never have

Seriously, he does not get how much of a struggle it is to keep up with life in general and that a dead chilli plant is the least of my worries. I love my dear old dad but geez he has no concept of how much I have to juggle and how those things simply can't be a priority to me.

Am I failing because I let the chilli plant die? Should I be more on top of things?

How on top of things are you?!

OP posts:

Original poster

Allthebees · 08/11/2013 13:59

And I know part of it is just conversation but I know he is slyly nagging me too and I guess I'm just frustrated that it feels like he thinks I should be making time for those things.

OP posts:

Hermione123 · 08/11/2013 14:02

He's just got no idea. My dad thinks all women should work ft and have small dc and you're just making excuses if you can't. I have lists of things I have gotten round to, and we moved 2 years ago and still haven't hung up our pictures. Maybe he secretly wants to help out? Get back at him worth asking him for some babysitting or help to do these things!

theoriginalandbestrookie · 08/11/2013 14:05

Ye gads - do we have the same father?

He isn't so bad now sadly due to health worries, but I remember them coming for lunch about 10 days after DS was born, DH made the lunch ( I was still spending most of my time feeding, weeping or trying to sleep) and he spent a good ten minutes giving us a lecture about the importance of having a good set of steak knives.

Oh and he complains if people don't reply to his emails the same day they are sent.

Oh yes and he used to send loads of DVDs and photos that we didn't want or hadn't asked for, then got annoyed when we hadn't looked at them.

Actually now that I think about it he hasn't done any of those things for months as worried about DM's health - I kind of wish he was back to his old irritating self !

happydaze77 · 08/11/2013 14:11

YANBU. I'm with you completely.

Our spare bedroom is full of my summer clothes, still in boxes, after dh brought them down from the loft in May- at least I won't have to pack them back up again..
My bathroom hasn't been cleaned properly for weeks (I prioritise the toilet, everything else can wait).
Sometimes I feel like I'm drowning in a sea of mental 'to do' lists (don't get time to write them down!)

And I know how it feels when your dad gives you 'that look'. Makes my blood boil.

MyNameIsWinkly · 08/11/2013 14:19

Sod the chilli plant!

A pregnancy, miscarriage and another pregnancy, plus a change of job into shift working, have all knocked me for six in the past few months. I have loads of jobs to do - kitchen floor needs tiled, spare room needs clearing out, flat needs repainted, car door needs repaired after someone tried to nick it. I'm sure it will get done eventually.

I have managed to watch every episode of Breaking Bsd though.

Original poster

Allthebees · 08/11/2013 14:24

Thank you all, sorry to hear you're up against it too, but nice to know I'm not the only one!

DH and I have been trying to redecorate DD's bedroom which is taking us months because we only have the weekends and then only really when DD naps or is in bed for the night and he said "that must be finished by now, surely?"

I am going to get a notebook and write down all the maddening things our parents do and keep it for when dd has children so we can remember what it's like and not drive her potty.

OP posts:

PMDD · 08/11/2013 14:26

My mother always says "you just need to have a routine"... "just clean a room a day and do the kitchen and bathroom on alternate days"...

I can't seem to get my act together either. I tend to wait till all the work piles up and then start feeling anxious over it all so do nothing. The housework then gets worse and worse and we run out of clothes etc.

yoshipoppet · 08/11/2013 14:41

If it makes you feel any better OP, I am not on top of anything at all, my house is a mess, my life is disorganised and I feel constantly under pressure. And I don't even have small children.
You should not feel guilty about any of this!

TheSurgeonsMate · 08/11/2013 14:44

I am on top of about 25 per cent of things.

pianodoodle · 08/11/2013 14:53

YANBU

My dad is similarly clueless :)

A couple of weeks after DD was born, the tomatoes in the garden died and it was the same thing "Oh dear! You should get out and get that grass cut too"

Yes quite...I'll get right on it...

Dad brought us back from the birth centre the morning after I gave birth (DH has stayed over with me)

DH and I collapsed in an exhausted heap on the sofa and then Dad asked DH "Oh! Did you get that email I sent you yesterday?"

"Umm no, I haven't really had a chance. We were at the hospital.."

"Oh well you should have look now it's really funny - it's a video of a dog that looks like it's talking!"

"Um...maybe later"

Haha! Then on his way out he reminded DH again to watch the funny dog video

Just?!?!?!

Unplastered · 08/11/2013 14:56

I am on top of about half of what needs to be done, about half of the time.
I work full time hours compressed into 4 days, voluntary work one evening a week, have a 4 year old and am 6 months pregnant. My DH seems to think I work part time because I'm only at work 4 days a week, and keeps saying can I do this on my day off, can I nip to xxx in my lunch break, can I set aside an evening do do the other. In actual fact I struggle to keep up with the basics.
Today is supposed to be my 'day off'. Since dropping DD at school, I've spent most of the day doing housework and am actually sitting for the first time in weeks in a house in which every room is clean and tidy, and with only one more load to go through the washing machine. God help me when it's all dry though and I have to tackle the bloody ironing!

ShoeWhore · 08/11/2013 14:56

Ha ha do you share a dad with me too?

It'll only take you ten minutes is his answer to everything!

pianodoodle · 08/11/2013 15:14

It'll only take you ten minutes is his answer to everything!

Yes same here. I've noticed when he tries to get a task done though it takes the entire day with lots of power naps/trips to the diy shop in between

RhinestoneCowgirl · 08/11/2013 15:20

I work pt - during school hours 4 days a week (my day off today, yay!). The important bits of the house (kitchen & bathroom) are kept hygenic if not sparkling, cooked meals and packed lunches are provided every day, people have clean clothes to wear, DS went to school dressed as an Ancient Egytpian as instructed this morning etc...

But... the rest of the house isn't particularly tidy, I usually end up running round trying to make it presentable if we have someone coming over, I constantly feel like I have a list of 'stuff' to remember, even if it's banal stuff like buying more vitamin tablets, filling in the school milk form.

I think it's a pretty normal state of affairs!

Bonsoir · 08/11/2013 15:27

My FIL thinks he can call us two days ahead and invite himself and his GF to dinner at a time and date if their choosing. They expect three courses served in the ding room and small talk, avoiding the topic of work or responsibilities entirely.

Original poster

Allthebees · 08/11/2013 19:13

It's like he thinks I'm being precious or dramatic about my lack of time and headspace! And then of course I do sound all woe is me when I say anything!!

Like you rhinestone we consider it a good week if there are clothes to wear, food to eat, and we make it to work/nursery close to when we should. Everything else is a bonus.

Does it really "get better"? Or does that chasing-your-tail feeling just become the norm?

OP posts:

wordfactory · 08/11/2013 19:20

I think retired folk can easily forget the pressures of working and family life.

I am pretty on top of things. Well good enough. But my Mum will still ask 'so what are you doing today?' as if I am as free as a bird.

She'll often send a text about a good radio show she's listening to then call me the next day to check I listened on iplayer.

purplebaglady · 08/11/2013 19:32

l have just discovered the free 'flylady' online. She is brilliant, encouraging and cheers you on. She organises homes and cleaning and gives you a (free) email every day with a small task to do. It is easy peasy and has transformed my home which was quite frankly an embarrassment. I no longer dread unexpected callers lol. Bring it on!

Squitten · 08/11/2013 19:36

Not very. Started painting the kids' room 2yrs ago and it's still not finished. Got stacks of pictures we moved here with that still haven't been hung. Got stitching and photo projects lying about that I haven't started/finished. Garden's a bloody state.

But at least I can never be bored!

Yama · 08/11/2013 19:46

My parents are the opposite. There's a lot of "I take my hat off to you" and "You do too much" and "I don't know how you do it".

Similarly, mil will come round and do a heap of housework or paint a room or just do something to help out.

Life is hard. We are certainly not on top of things. However, we are only ever an hour away from looking like we have a clean and tidy house.

bellablot · 08/11/2013 19:52

He's retired and bored, ask him to take some of this stuff off your hands, sounds like that's what he wants, let him help, he'll be chuffed. My dad's no longer with us so I love threads like these, dad's are ace, they love us and just want to look out for us, no matter what age we are.

CuriosityCola · 08/11/2013 19:59

I'm outwardly on top of things, larhely thanks to flylady. My house is clean and tidy, healthy meals etc. Just joined style board and working on me! However, I can't remember the last time I watched a tv series or read a book or even watched the news. I feel like something had to give in order to keep on top of everything and it is my down time :( I run about like a crazy lady and then collapse in a heap to sleep. I need to have a rethink because its the down time activities that make you interesting, give you conversation topics and generally make you feel fulfilled. Nobody gives a toss that your bathroom is spotless.

CuriosityCola · 08/11/2013 20:01

Sorry for the epic post. I think your op touched a nerve .

Agreed that your dad sounds like he needs to be given something to do or maybe wants to feel needed.

BackforGood · 08/11/2013 20:03

I was going to say the same as Bellablot - can't you offer him some of your 'stuff' to relieve the boredom, or get him to take the dc out for a couple of hours to free you up to MN get some stuff doing ?

To more directly answer your question, no, I'm never on top of my stuff, and I don't do half the jobs that get mentioned on the MN housework threads

Nagoo · 08/11/2013 20:11

I get it.

I am a very efficient person, I can get a shitload done in a short time. The thing that stands out for me is headspace. It doesn't matter if you can find the ten minutes if you are too overwhelmed by things to focus on what to do in those ten minutes.

I agree with those who suggest getting him to do the stuff for you that he can do.

And it does get better.

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