To ask how on top of things you are?

[Allthebees]

My dad just rolled his eyes when I said our chilli plant had died. He's retired and bored. I work 4 days pw and have a 2 year old.

I also need to get rid of the virus on my laptop but haven't got time to work out how to do it, namely because I don't have time to use the bloody thing (my phone is sufficient for all my "computing" needs). He asks every time if I've done it yet "it won't take you long".

He continually asks if I've got into any number of tv shows/series/films. He's always asking if I've done / sorted this that and the other and I never have

Seriously, he does not get how much of a struggle it is to keep up with life in general and that a dead chilli plant is the least of my worries. I love my dear old dad but geez he has no concept of how much I have to juggle and how those things simply can't be a priority to me.

Am I failing because I let the chilli plant die? Should I be more on top of things?

How on top of things are you?!

Well he and my stepmum have dd for a day a week and with me working 4 days I'm always reluctant to ask for someone to take her off my hands because I want to spend as much time as poss with her.

We've got a cleaner and as I said, DH is good around the house so it's more the emotional headspace and mental exhaustion of it all.

After all, I'm not sure it's appropriate for him to be reminding me car tax/insurance/tv license is due, or hunting out my cheque book from behind the sofa where dd stashed it.

And ffs I know that it takes half a cup of water every few days to keep the effing chilli plant alive, it's just not at the forefront of my mind!!

Oh. I sound like a smuggy fuck. I mean I can get stuff done when my brain is working to do it

I'm not on top of anything right now, in fact i'm drowning under a very large pile of books I need to read by yesterday. There's also an even larger pile of ironing i've been ignoring for weeks and I managed to kill a plant this week too.
My dad also happens to be the.most productive human being on earth and always points out something that needs doing when he's round. Luckily he's so productive he usually just does it .
As you say though as soon as you start listing all the things you've being doing/have got to do you just end up sounding all woe is me.

Every time my (retired) DM comes to visit she likes to cast a critical eye over the place and tell me what needs doing - what you really need in your kitchen is X, you'll need to do some work in the back garden to sort out Y, won't' you, those curtains need rehanging, don't they? It drives me up the wall. I think we have a nice home, generally it is not much of a mess, the washing is done and the place is pretty clean, but I always have a MASSIVE to do list of things we'd like to do and stuff that needs sorting. I try to accept that it's just a fact of life that I can't do everything at once, and just need to focus on the priorities.

The only thing I'm on top of is the massive pile of clothes I need to fold as I've nowhere else to put them but the sofa.

I'm with thepurplebaglady

fly lady one job a day has made me feel more confident and ontop of things.

Because Im feeling more in control Im even thinking Im going to actually start my diet now as I am actually seeing results ion my life with a more positive attitude.

3 is the magical number of things we are supposed to be able to manage,
so bearing that in mind it is amazing we actually make it through breakfast.

Im all up for delegating.

So perhaps it could go along the lines of , "well Dad could you just show me how you do it"

I'm drowning. My house is filthy, I'm surrounded by mountains of books, cds and dvds. I'm knackered at the end of a working day. everyone leaves everything to me. My dm had just died and there is so much more shite to sort out. I could be off for a year and I'd still be like this. (The stuff is mostly dh's so don't even suggest getting rid)

OP - it does sound to me like you need to take a day off work when your DD is at childcare (not your Dad, the other childcare you use so you won't feel guilty to them), make a list - a realistic list of your 'to do' pile (don't put 20 things on it that "all take 10 minutes" - think "ABC need doing, A takes 1 hour, B will take me 10 minutes, C will take..."). Work through.

Also don't allow extra things in your life that need work, so no more sodding chilli plants, nothing that will add even 5 more minutes to your 'to do' list. (and get your car tax, tv liecence and as much else done by direct debit.)

10/10

they are all alive! yes!

(that's it, that's all I have.... )

Ye gods. I don't even have children and am soooo not on top of things!! DH doesn't help in this respect - does feck all and i find it difficult to get on when hes here, and he borders on hoarding......

Full time work, my ponies (they're old) and the house comes last i'm afraid.

Zing where's your?
you on a liquid diet haha

I'm a teacher. Things get forgotten during term time.

I rang my mum. I'd forgotten for five days.

I apologised, saying I'd been busy at work, and had had to work at home.

Her reply? "Busy? Why, what do you do? What do you mean, busy?"

I couldn't find the energy to reply...

Sorry, meant to say, no. Not on top of anything, ever, at all.

Ohwhatf Im sorry for you and that your family are not helping you out.
I live in a cluttered house that belongs to generations before me so I am making small inroads corner by shelf at a time. I would hold back on excessive Christmas prep or pressies if you have to pick it all up - that's where my thinking is at the moment.
for you x
Im also investing in me, every time they piss me off Im putting a fiver in a pot for a Spa day (well its less really as Ive a short temper and they piss me off a lot so we'd have no food money) but I hope you get the point.
If no one else is going to be your best friend then at some point you have to be.

I have one 18mo DS and work 3 days per week and some evenings doing freelance work. DH works full time on a shift pattern that is completely incomprehensible to everyone else apart from him (and I presume his colleagues)

Our house is usually superficially tidy (no dirty dishes, toys put away after bedtime etc) and since I rationalised my wardrobe in the spring and threw away/charity shopped 5 bin bags of clothes I am finally on top of putting the washing away after years of having clothes strewn on every surface upstairs. I work Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday, Monday is shopping and washing day, I lay all mine and DS's clothes out for the week ahead and do as much housework as I can fit in around him. Thursday is a day for fun with mummy.

Bathrooms and floors and dusting usually need doing, but DS is scared of the Hoover so can only do it when he's otherwise occupied and I HATE it.

My Achilles heel is anything paperwork related, i put it off and put it off and never feel like I'm on top of it. We're looking for a house at the moment and the amount of administration completely terrifies me.

got need now!

back to thread - truth is I haven't felt on top of things for 7 years now (since DS4 was born and we had a loft conversion)
had a MC in 2008 which completely pulled the rug out from under me for about a year, then had two more children and it is just a lot.

currently I'm letting DS5 and DD drawing on the kitchen cupboards with white board pens coz I am too tired to care want them to be able to express themselves freely.
it washes off. they enjoy it. CBA.

but it's the clothes/washing alone that is like a full time job.
I feel like the plate-spinners in a Chinese circus - you barely get to the end when you realize you have to start again.
I barely tidy up one room and move onto the next when I see how the first room is totally messed up.

I yo-yo between trying to do stuff and giving up.
It's exhausting.

I have a full-time job, a full time husband, two teenage children, one still at school, one on a gap year, three cats, three homes (I know !!) and plenty of paid help. I have spent a year on top of that renovating the new house and am now starting on the old house. Also sorting out 6th form for dd next year, have sorted out ds's change of uni decision (well dh did that), have organised his gap 6 months starting in January.

All sounds fab doesn't it until I share that we moved the three boxes that weren't unpacked when we moved to the old house 21 years ago, I haven't had time to go to the dentist and after some emergency treatment last week I think I'm now nursing the start of an abscess, my breast screening is overdue, dd's ingrowing toenail wasn't sorted quickly last year and got infected because I had to sort out ds's broken nose first and sort out a big issue at work.

The job could go but the job is my little bit of sanity and normality. Tell your dad to ease off - you are doing the hardest of yards and could do with some practical help rather than criticism. If he's retired, give him the paintbrush and tell him to get on with it. I did it all with no fucking help and I intend to do my very best to help my dc as much as I possible can, especially practically and emotionally.

ohwhat who is everyone? Are your kids old enough to do tasks?

I have to say getting dh on board has made the biggest difference for me. A toddler and newborn is one thing, but looking after him as well was too much. The final straw came when he just said we would get a cleaner rather than help out. I had a melt down. How could I have someone in to clean when there were no empty surfaces?

pink gin

Pretty much same as you! work p/time, have older kid and toddler and hubby who works away for weeks at a time. There is ALWAYS something round the house/garden that needs done, car something or other to see to, paperwork, school stuff to do etc but never enough time to do it all.

Don't stress because it will NEVER all get done. As soon as you think you are nearly there, something else will pop up.

My retired mum is always making comments. Once she said I really need to clean in between the cushions of the sofa. That was when my baby was 3 months old. Believe me that was far from the top of my list of priorities. Still like another poster I have recently managed to watch all 5 series of Breaking Bad - in the space of 2 weeks!

teacher123 have you looked at fly lady

Wednesday is antiprocrastination day so I confront a paper issue then

Her website has a good 'October is paper clutter' helpful tips one for each day very small baby steps

I think its impossible to feel ontop of it all if you have to do it all

I have just reclaimed some small corners and it makes me feel better

I also killed a chilli plant this summer. I shouldn't have bought it really
as it died berfore I got it into the house.

I think I am as on top of things as I can be. DH works very long hours and is away quite a lot for work (often for 10 days at a time), I work 4 days a week in school hours and do all the taxiing for kids clubs after school, keep the house tidy, do the washing, take care of all our finances etc etc.

Yet whenever my parents come over they comment "Oh is that grass still not cut?", "Those bedrooms still not decorated?" (we moved in 4 months ago FFS!) etc etc.

The thing that pisses me off the most is that I know if it was them they would have it all done. But that is because they are martyrs who NEVER sit down and relax. They are in their 60's and are running a huge hotel which means constant working 7 days a week. When we were young my friends referred to our house as the "show home" and my mum worked full time and my Dad worked very very long hours.

Thing is I don't want to live like that. I want to sit down and watch TV with DH in the evening not tidy and iron (oh I don't iron either, just use the tumble dryer, my Mum despairs of this ;)). We get lots done at the weekend but we also like to have fun with the kids, go out with friends i.e. live our lives!

That's my Dad you are describing, OP. Example, yesterday: Dad: "Are you ok to talk"
Me (with two screaming kids in the background): "Can I call you back? Just trying to get lunch on the table"
Him: "Well I just wanted to check that you checked when you need to replace your cam belt"
Me: "No. Not yet. Look, I'll call you after lunch"
Him: "What's your mileage?"
Me: "I've no idea" (background screaming reaching fever pitch)
Him: "What do you mean, you've no idea?"
Me: "I mean I've no idea. I've really got to go"
Him, tutting,: "You should always know your mileage. Did you get that pointing looked at?"

Aaaargh

Is your dad physically able to decorate? If so hand him a paintbrush.

And no. I am most certainly not on top of things. I finally opened the post today for the first time in about three weeks and discovered that the electricity was about to be cut off.