To dread the school run when ds starts school next year?

[Ipaintyousilly]

Ds is at preschool and I am really not enjoying bloody hating the drop off / pick up every blooming day. I enjoy walking to and from school and chatting to ds about his day but, by god, do I loathe the 5-10 minutes being stuck with the other school mums in a tiny waiting room before and after the dcs can go in.

I consider myself an open and fairly outgoing person and usually like to have a little chat with people be it small talk or more meaningful. However, i am starting to loose the will to live having to do this twice a day in the span of three hours, five days a week. It is soooooo boring and feels quite contrived.

Also the group of mums is quite cliquey (spelling?) and some don't say hi when we bump into them on the way to school. I feel there is a lot of negativity and judging happening in that tiny waiting room full of stay at home mums (am I projecting??).

I am currently on ml and soon on a short career break and find it just the strangest experience and feel quite apprehensive and a bit intimidated by it all especially by the mums who seem to give me the cold shoulder.

Please all of you experienced 'school mums', tell me aibu and that the real school run at 'big school' is really nothing to dread bloody fun.

P.s. Sorry about the epic aibu.

Drop off just as the bell goes
No hanging around that way

Possibly says more about your attitude than theire. In my opinion most people are nice,pleasant etc.

More in a nutshell, it feels like there are sooo many politics going on in that tiny pick up /drop off waiting room (who play dates with whom, who is invited to which birthday party, who will end up going going to the preferred local schools, which mums are friendly with other mums etc.)

I have years of experience working in international companies with people from all walks of life and never have felt this odd in a social setting .

If I was at all artistic, I'd write a theatre play about this, so many subtle cues, body language and in between the lines communication hahaha.

31, but, but , but, I am friendly and open in my attitude or am I kidding myself? [hides now]

Op no advice but am also not looking forward to this when dd starts school. Nursery fine as all different pick up times etc. I do understand where you are coming from though

Anyhow it just feels ally weird as it happens twice a day in the span of three hours. I mean what else can I talk about after having spent ten minutes talking to somebody three hours earlier?

Ok it's not you! It's prob the small room, school pick up prob in yard, much better!

I do the school run 2 days a week and there are mums who I've known since school who ignore me simply because I'm not in their clique.

There are 3/4 of mums I know and I just chat to them, ignore the others.

It's like being back in the playground again lol, just find a couple of people who will chat/say hello and let the others get on with it.

Can't you just take a book?

I have to be honest and say I don't enjoy the school run either. I try to arrive just after the doors open (8.45, school starts at 9.00) so as to avoid the hanging around in the playground waiting. DD is in reception and there must be other mums there who are new to it all like me, but they all seem to know each other already, their kids went to pre-school together (we live out of catchment so different nursery) their older DCs are friends etc, and then you hear them all arranging coffee and morning play dates with younger DCs - while I'm dashing off to work. It feels like I'm the only working mum in the place (I know I can't be) and I hate it!

I understand totally and utterly where you are coming from OP.

I have been doing it for a year now and everything you describe is true.
Luckily a new mother has just started coming and we have hit it off... I find now that everyone else is slightly more friendly towards me.

Up until then I made all the effort and I could tell they were being a bit snidey behind my back!

Just a quick, breezy hello and goodbye. You'll find your way!

(I too have worked in an international corporation and lived all over the world, this is also the hardest social situation I have ever found myself in)

I've found that I build it up in my head and project.

When I've actually had the chance to speak to any of the other mums they've been absolutely lovely.

Being forced to see each other everyday is awkward. No one is happy all the time....I'd say just get on with it and worry about something else.

I hated it too. There were loads of coffee morning mums with little to go but go round each other's houses and chat most of the day. Not my thing, can't abide it. I hated toddler groups too and any other clubs she went to.

Trouble was, invitations to birthday parties and play dates etc were based on the mums (yes it was only mums) relationships rather than who the kids were friends with so my DD missed out on a lot until the kids got more of a say.

Drop off on the bell and ditto pick up. Saves a lot of hanging around.

I used to sit in a small room like this for ballet lessons and it was exactly as you describe, very cliquey and the mums weren't that nice to me after I chatted to one of their husbands one time (I didn't know this wasn't the done thing).

But school pick-ups are different, there are loads of people who drop and run, grandparents, dads, it's a mix, some chat, some don't, and once they are 8/9 they can walk themselves if your school is close and you are no longer in the pick-up zone anyway.

I've always found it fine- drop off, sometimes there are people I know to chat to, sometimes I'm the one staring into space on my own. I think it helps having a younger child with you as a distraction, I'm often too busy chasing round after DD2 to chat much anyway!

I imagine it's the small room that is the problem more than anything.

It's not fun, in fact I hate and dread it everyday. But I've got my timing down to the second so I arrive bang on time. Mine started in September, I've tried the smiling saying hello and joining in convos, had nothing but blankness and rudeness back. So bollocks to them now, I turn up just after the bell (no point being there when it goes the big cliques push you out the way).
9 days out of 10 I'm ok about it, 10th day I'm a bit sad. I hadn't expected friendship but I'd thought vague politeness and pleasantries!

I remember not feeling very comfortable in a small room with lots of people collecting from playschool, so I started arriving right on time which meant only 30 seconds of waiting.

School is different - you stand in a playground and can talk to people or sit in a corner reading something on your phone. Cliquey often just means some people know each other - it isn't necessarily that they are trying to exclude anyone and you may well make some friends that you talk to regularly which still doesn't make it a clique.

I haven't really found people to be like this although from what people sa on mn perhaps it's just a matter of luck or being unobservant.

I hate it too and nobody is outwardly nasty, it's just all so awkward and stunted.

I used to feel quite self conscious just as you are describing - but 14 years later, and I don't give a toss. I can honestly say it's not worth getting worked up about it

Write the book, Write the book, really - give it a try. You have nothing to lose, and it means you look interested and involved in the bitchy group, which could be in your favour if you feel you are being cold shouldered.

I have joined a writing group and it is amazing how you see things differently around you (never having written a thing before and hated school essays).

Yes the school gate is not a fun experience, but I would love to know why, why does it bring out the worst in some? Perhaps you can come up with an answer, OP?

I had this in nursery - tiny drop off/pick up room, didn't feel comfortable starting a conversation because everybody would hear every word I uttered. Much better in the 'big' yard. I've now got 2 sets of friends from school who I go out for dinner now, meet in school holidays etc. Some of them I know I could rely on in an emergency.

So keep an open mind. I've only had one person try to drag me into schoolyard politics but I brushed that off pretty quickly. Keep being friendly - you'll definitely find some like minded people, and on a very selfish note, school mums can be very useful!

And what makes it worse is having to put on a cheery smile for DCs when all you really want to do is have a sweary moan.

OP, you have nailed it. Its not just you. Never knew how to deal with it though...