To dread the school run when ds starts school next year?

[Ipaintyousilly]

Ds is at preschool and I am really not enjoying bloody hating the drop off / pick up every blooming day. I enjoy walking to and from school and chatting to ds about his day but, by god, do I loathe the 5-10 minutes being stuck with the other school mums in a tiny waiting room before and after the dcs can go in.

I consider myself an open and fairly outgoing person and usually like to have a little chat with people be it small talk or more meaningful. However, i am starting to loose the will to live having to do this twice a day in the span of three hours, five days a week. It is soooooo boring and feels quite contrived.

Also the group of mums is quite cliquey (spelling?) and some don't say hi when we bump into them on the way to school. I feel there is a lot of negativity and judging happening in that tiny waiting room full of stay at home mums (am I projecting??).

I am currently on ml and soon on a short career break and find it just the strangest experience and feel quite apprehensive and a bit intimidated by it all especially by the mums who seem to give me the cold shoulder.

Please all of you experienced 'school mums', tell me aibu and that the real school run at 'big school' is really nothing to dread bloody fun.

P.s. Sorry about the epic aibu.

It will be fine.

Dd started in reception this year and we chose a tiny village school outside of our catchment.

Most people knew each other so the first day or so was quite daunting. But I have found that generally normal people can't fail to engage if you look them in the eye, smile and say good morning.

I now know all the mums of the reception children and have arranged a Christmas night out that everyone is coming to.

Carry on being yourself and it will be fine.

The reason it feels artificial is that it is artificial at the moment. You have nothing to talk about. However, this will change as your DC get old enough to have friendships, academic and social bust-ups with their teachers, parts in the school pantomine, recorder lessons, whatever. This is the waiting room stage- of course it's weird.

I am bery introverted and I hate small talk. The way I edalt with this was that I joined the PTA as Treasurer, and helped to organise an epic school fete. That set me up for the whole of my years at that primary school. But I never got involved at any of the three secondary schools my DC went through.

I've been doing the school run for bloody years, and this sort of thing used to bother me. When my first Dd started school, I think my expectations were that I would meet a whole new group of close friends. Not so. I thought the others were cliquey, but in actual fact they had just known each other prior to starting school. Now, ten years on, my youngest Dc has just started school. There's some mums I'm on talking terms with, some not - but that's fine. Some mornings, I'll chat, others I'll stand on my own staring into space til the bell goes. It's not an issue for me now at all.

If there is bitchiness going on, I would put it down to immaturity and have nothing to do with them unless you have to. It could be that some of them are shy, or preoccupied. If you catch an eye, smile. I find talking about the weather helps.. 'Glad to be in here, it's a downpour out there..' 'Yes, my roof was leaking when i got home etc, etc..'
I once did a huge yawn and caught people's eye and some people laughed which broke the ice a bit.
The alternative, as some have pointed out, is not to get there too early!
I wouldn't worry too much, you will make friends in time.

I'm so glad I no longer have to do the nursery run. Lots of women stuck in a small area, standing room only for the last 10 min of waiting. Lots didn't speak English so couldn't talk to you, one group that would literally look you up and down, sneer, and wisper to each other, other pairs deep in conversation, some loud people who thought we all wanted to hear their latest complants about the Council/benefits/new home/lack of support. I would try to arrive on time!
We moved, we know nobody, the school run is much nicer. We're not in each others faces! People are still in deep conversation, but most speak English, I can avoid people that annoy me, I can't see anybody looking me up and down and woluldn't hear if they did talk about me.

Ach, that's a common feeling. Sooner or later, the good souls will surface and you'll relax.
I always think of it as being like an extension of the NCT coffee morning groups.

You get the ones who make a living/base their life around the school, you get the maniacs that revert to their teenage type and just bitch and gossip and then you get the open, friendly people wondering what the hell is going on.
I largely know who to chit chat to, who to have coffee with and who to avoid eye contact with.
Good luck OP, it's at every school.

Oh dear, looks like my suspicions worst fears about the school run experience have been confirmed ....

Many of the posts upthread made me smile lol ; thanks at least I know I'm not the only one finding this social scenario a bit awkward.

Another odd, odd thing is organising play dates with potential new preschool friends for ds. I managed to avoid the dating scene as I met dh ages ago but imagine that going to a play date or hosting one for a mum and DC you don't know yet is a bit like a blind date.

Hate the school run/waiting in playground thing - it is a minefield and you'll hear a lot of (mainly) women say the same.

But that is what games on smart phones are for.

I long for the day he gets the school bus.

Playgrounds are bigger than tiny nursery waiting rooms. Plenty of space for you to avoid people.

If I'm not in the mood for being chatty, which after a day at work I'm usually not, I MN on my phone waiting for DS1. I arrive only with a couple of minutes to spare anyway, and we leave straightaway rather than hanging round the playground for hours as many seem to do.

Really don't get the angst. Seems to be rather alot of over thinking and day I say it teenage self absorption going on on this type of thread. Never experienced any of this stuff. Some of my friends are other parents who I chat to sometimes make polite conversation to people I don't know sometimes stand on my own all fine - just dont see why people overthink this. Am sure nobody else is particularly interested in what you are doing.

On reflection I understand the angst to an extent if someone is a SAHM, perhaps feeling a bit isolated, and relying on the school run to make friends and get a social life. It puts a lot more pressure on the situation, and I guess for some people (and this is not a criticism) it's very much the focus of their day. Whereas for others, it's a logistical exercise, getting DC to and from school.

I remember being nervous about this when ds1 started reception. Now he is in y1 and I can chat with most parents.

The best way I found to be accepted was to say something nice about their child.

Something like, " ds mentioned insert child's name shared the bean bags at lunchtime, he really enjoyed playing together". Nobody is rude after hearing their darling complimented.

I have never got my head round why this is such an issue for some people. I do the school run twice a week and if I feel like talking to people, I do, if I can't be arsed, I don't.
I am not there to socialise, I am there to drop off and pick up son.

(Ha ha, the other parents probably avoid me, as I probably look rude and grouchy, as I have better things to do that talk about kids and slating the teachers)

Does the school have a breakfast club?

Use it.

Drop and run.

In all parts of your life, you eventually meet your kind of person. There'll be someone in the playground that you'll eventually look forward to chatting to. It's usually the people you take longest to get to know who become firm and good friends, rather than the ones who immediately treat you like you're their best friend.

As someone said up-thread, just don a cheery smile, make eye contact and say hello. You don't have to have an in-depth conversation with everyone every day, but you don't have to be miserable about being there.

I did 11 years of school runs. There's always people in cliques, just because they know each other or think they have a lot in common. At the start it's the ones who've known each other outside school, then it's the ones who have children higher up the school together, then it's the ones who've recently started school and think you're much too old to talk to (by the time DC3 has gone through the school, Reception parents are looking very, very young!)

School run is easier, you can drop and run and everyone's coming and going at dd's school as some prefer to drop when gates open at 8.45 and others prefer to be closer to 9am. Picking up, you can just get there at the last minute and grab and run, or you may meet someone you like making small talk to, you might not, its ok to just stand and wait alone (like many dads and gps choose to!)

I'd just turn up right at the last minute so I don't have to stand around waiting and put my iPod earphones in ... even if I'm not listening to music .

Mind you, I was at a village infant school and just couldn't compare with either 'group' of Mums, the primped and preened full-Boden-uniform-and-coiffure-look-down-their-noses or the original villagers who I'd overhear gossiping about eachother behind their backs once outside of the school gates, such blatant two facedness it just didn't make me want to make friends at all. I tried once and it backfired on me.

The small talk could be manageable if you knew they weren't going I have an interesting chat about something or other at the school gates and then totally blank you when they see you outside of the gates. Argghh!

I've since moved to a town centre school and the parents are more normal around here, no expectations to find your clique or they're happy to just stand around on their own.

I still wear my earphones though, the 'Introvert's Friend' !

Change your expectations. Some of them, yes, will know each other from nursery or suchlike. Others won't. Go into it expecting to meet some delightful people. I bloody love the school gate. And I've met some fabulous, firm friends there too.

Drop and run, drop and fucking run.

I turn up at 3:30pm, ear phones in, head down. Collect DD, we walk home, I am friendly when approached, but make every effort to be unapproachable, that isn't just a privilege I extend to parents, it's to all folk.

I'm pretty anti social, like the company of friends, but rarely enjoy small talk.

It's not too bad when orchestrated right ;) ha

Enjoy

the only thing you really have in common with these women you had children the same year so you dont have to talk or make friends with anybody BUt the playground is bigger than the nursery waiting area I still remember dds years later it is quite cramped and you do feel awkward , but school is fine I just used to say hi talk sometimes or not drop and pick up,

I like the school run and now have both DC at school. It gives me time to catch up with the other mums and whats going on at school. I work FT and don't pick up so it really is invaluable. Mind you all the parents at our school are nice so that makes a difference I suppose

I agree with putting on ear phones or texting if you don't want to engage.
My school run problem is the journey which can take 4 hours a day as we live in the middle of nowhere.

When my car broke down last week we had to walk for 1 1/2 hours over a couple of hills in the rain and change buses 4 times.
One evening we got back at 8 pm.

A few minutes of feeling awkward seems quite a breeze in comparison.

It used to really bother me until I realised that my expectations were way too high - that I was going to meet a whole new group of friends straight away. 3 years in and now dc2 in school too, I am much more relaxed about it and it doesn't bother me. In fact I quite like it - have got to know a few others well enough for odd nights out etc and getting to know others slowly - takes time and may not be lifelong but nice for now. Never really encountered much bitchiness, but I'm not interested in bitching so if anyone starts they get short shrift, I don't join in.
I think loads of people find it a bit stressful, hardly anyone enjoys small talk. Like others said, just smile at people, most are nice if you're nice to them.