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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To dread the school run when ds starts school next year?

74 replies

Ipaintyousilly · 08/11/2013 09:06

Ds is at preschool and I am really not enjoying bloody hating the drop off / pick up every blooming day. I enjoy walking to and from school and chatting to ds about his day but, by god, do I loathe the 5-10 minutes being stuck with the other school mums in a tiny waiting room before and after the dcs can go in.

I consider myself an open and fairly outgoing person and usually like to have a little chat with people be it small talk or more meaningful. However, i am starting to loose the will to live having to do this twice a day in the span of three hours, five days a week. It is soooooo boring and feels quite contrived.

Also the group of mums is quite cliquey (spelling?) and some don't say hi when we bump into them on the way to school. I feel there is a lot of negativity and judging happening in that tiny waiting room full of stay at home mums (am I projecting??).

I am currently on ml and soon on a short career break and find it just the strangest experience and feel quite apprehensive and a bit intimidated by it all especially by the mums who seem to give me the cold shoulder.

Please all of you experienced 'school mums', tell me aibu and that the real school run at 'big school' is really nothing to dread bloody fun.

P.s. Sorry about the epic aibu.

OP posts:

motherinferior · 08/11/2013 16:24

You do realise that if you're radiating 'bog off, I am NOT interested in talking to you' then nobody is going to talk to you, right? And they may think you are the snooty one?

Goldenbear · 08/11/2013 17:04

I'm a SAHP and I'm friends with a couple who have a similar aged toddler as mine. I know that for me and those friends they have similar feelings about the school run and it is by no means the focus of our day because we are SAHP!

I am the kind who turns up on time to avoid the awkwardness but our school has a lot of Fathers picking up and they are definitely not as sociable IME.

aquashiv · 08/11/2013 22:23

I think we regress and I project how we feel about forced socialising.
I don't give two hoots what people think of me but will chat to anyone. Our school is nice though I keep out of the gossipy stuff. Yet have made some good b friends too.

mummy1973 · 09/11/2013 20:39

You could read The Hive by somebody Hornby if you are interested in school gate politics. (Not a great read IMO but some recognisable scenarios.)

dozeydoris · 10/11/2013 09:13

MY first post was pretty negative so wanted to come back to say that I did make some great friends at school gates. It takes a while but was nice for me and nice play mates for DCs, don't be too despondent about it.

maryannmarie · 10/11/2013 09:27

I pick up for my sisters' kids sometimes and it's exactly like this. It makes me laugh though because there's dad I sometimes see who is completely oblivious to it all and will blather on at anyone about anything. He just doesn't see the not-so-subtle 'looks' the meanies are giving to each other He's my hero

Noggie · 10/11/2013 09:29

I find it difficult too as lots if mums seem to know each other which I guess is fair enough but does make me feel a bit . My younger daughter age 2 did day loudly once at pick up 'mummy why are you not talking like the other mummies ?' !!! I do have one or two mums I can chat with now and just have to accept that I am never going to be made welcome by the various cliques!

Ecuador · 10/11/2013 09:40

I feel quite differently to most people on this thread. I've been doing the school run for 11 years now and have made some wonderful, enduring friendships. The children are at different schools now but my lovely friends are still here. It didn't happen overnight and you do have to put a bit of effort in but I would say that I gained massively from the experience and hope that I now have a group of lifelong friends .

cece · 10/11/2013 09:40

School run is fun! DH does it and is home again by 8.55am. I don't think he talks to anyone much. When I do it I never get home before 9.30am, as I am stood chatting to various people. Perhaps I am one of those you might consider in a 'clique'. I would call it chatting to my friends though.

Honestly, smile and say hello and start chatting...

cece · 10/11/2013 09:41

I agree with Ecuador.

Ecuador · 10/11/2013 09:42

Oh am I'm not particularly extrovert and there were loads of groups that I didn't ever get included in but as someone else said it is a slow burn thing, you don't gain lifelong friends overnight just plug away with a few good uns.

Ecuador · 10/11/2013 09:43

Agree cece that what may appear to be a 'clique' is just a group of people who know each other. Only a clique if they exclude others from joining in the conversation.

usualsuspect · 10/11/2013 09:54

I made some good friends at the school gates over the many years I did the school run.We didn't do the formal play date thing though.We just invited each others kids round to play.

I don't get all the school run angst on MN.

I never saw groups of friends as cliques though.

FunnysInLaJardin · 10/11/2013 09:57

ah then I am most likely in a 'clique'. As others have said I am just chatting to my friends though. None I went to school with as we don't live where I grew up! And everyone is welcome to join the 'clique'

usualsuspect · 10/11/2013 09:59

A lot of the school run mums were my neighbours though as my kids all went to the local schools.

daytoday · 10/11/2013 10:06

Oh for gods sake, its just a cue waiting. I doubt you are the only parent who feels 'above' the shy small talk.

Your child will become friends with these kids, you might even find one great new friend too.

The cliquey ness perceived is prob a projection from you. These other mums probably don't know each other at all.

dozeydoris · 10/11/2013 10:53

I wonder if it's partly lack of background noise. It's not so easy for me to chat if everyone else can hear what I say, normally there is background noise like traffic or muzak in public spaces and shops. School gates are v quiet so you can't really spout forth on anything personal or controversial, so you are left with inanities or almost whispering so no one can hear.

greenfolder · 10/11/2013 11:12

arrange to arrive just as the door opens

works for me

then i got a job so now do breakfast and afterschool club. the few parents i see there are nice.

to be honest, if i stopped work tomorrow, i would still pay 3 quid a day to avoid the morning school run.

motherinferior · 10/11/2013 11:21

Start small. Speak to one person you know a bit and just say something like "it's today they have PE, isn't it?" Smile. Be chilled - fake it till you make it.

motherinferior · 10/11/2013 11:27

Otherwise you will build it up into a twice daily torture when for lots of us it's actually a lovely thing, the school run.

kungfupannda · 10/11/2013 11:37

I kept reading threads on here about this, and was terrified by the time DS1 started school. I can be quite antisocial and I'm easily irritated by things like people gossiping in doorways, or blocking walkways while I'm in a rush, so I was convinced the schoolrun would be hell.

Everyone's nice and normal. I actually enjoy it. I only do it once a week because of work, and I actively look forward to chatting to people. I think the clique thing can be a bit of projection. We've got 60 parents dropping off and picking up, and people have naturally drifted into groups. It's a fairly short period of time and you can't talk to everyone, so I do tend to chat to the same people every week as I don't see them much and I've got a specific thing in common with one or two of them, which we tend to have updates about, so maybe other people think we're a clique.

As long as your school isn't tiny, the odds are that not everyone in the entire year group will be trivial and dull, which these threads often seem to imply. There can't be only one interesting person per year in every school!

DadOnIce · 10/11/2013 11:44

I think I'm like the dad in maryannmarie's post. I don't care who has fallen out with whom, or who is giving who "looks" because of their school run "outfit", or who is in whose clique or whatever. I will chat to anyone or no-one, depending on how I am feeling that day.

What's the "no chatting to their husbands" thing all about? What do they think you are going to do??

motherinferior · 10/11/2013 11:48

The dads at our school are a chatty lot especially the gorgeous musician

RobinSparkles · 10/11/2013 11:54

You know what? I used to wonder what everyone was talking about on MN when they used to talk about hating the school run. I dreaded DD1 starting school.

She started reception and it was all fine. The mums and dads were lovely. All was brilliant - nice school, nice teachers, nice parents, nice children.

Now she's changed schools due to us moving house. I fucking HATE the new school run. DD is in year 2 and all of the parents have known each other since reception and it's not that they're not nice, there is just no room for me.

It pisses me off that it upsets me because it's such an insignificant, small part of the day but for that part of the day I feel like a billy-no-mates loser. It's ridiculous!

OP, it might be completely different when your DC starts reception. There might be new parents that you have things in common with.

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