to share this funny conversation with two 3 year olds with you?

[MoveYourArmsLikeHenry]

In the pre school room of my nursery today, a small group of 3/4 yo and myself were talking about food. This gave me a good laugh I hope it can do the same for you :)

Me: what is daddy making for dinner tonight?
Child 1: marshmallows, crisps and sausages.
Me: my goodness. I dont think mummy would be too happy about that.
Child 1: I wont either. I want a biscuit and a glass of juice as well.

[Grin]

Me: what did you have for dinner last night?
Child 2: fish fingers, potato, peas and carrots.
Me: yum yum. Did you eat it all up?
Child 2: I didnt eat the carrots.
Me: oh dear, but carrots help you see in the dark.
Child2: I can just use my torch to see in the dark.

Cant argue with that logic

[OnlyThePurpleOnes]

These are brilliant

I was chastising DD (2.8yrs) today for running out of a shop on me. After wadldle-running after her (30 weeks pg with dd2), I explained when I caught her why she shouldn't run off, and how sad I would be if I lost her. She said, "Don't worry, Mummy. A monster won't get me, and somebody else's Mummy might find me and take me to their house." Err, yes, that's kind of my point. So I say, "But Daddy and I would be terribly sad if you didn't live with us anymore. Wouldn't you miss us?" To which she replied, "Yes of course I would miss you, but I would just speak to you on the other mummy's laptop."

As long as the kidnappers have FaceTime, we will be fine, it seems.

[BionicEmu]

DS has just turned 3. I was getting dressed the other day and he came out with this:

"Mummy, your tummy's really big! Can I play with it?"

Now what the hell are you supposed to say to that?!

[Spinosaur]

These are very funny. Hello, long time lurker. My ds calls his sister's cot a cock and, when playing with sticks in the park, he is playing witha dick! He does have speech issues though and I try to keep a straight face :)

[LoosingBattle]

DD (2.10) I need a wee wee
DH Can you hold on we are nearly home?
DD NOOOOOOOO
DH DD it will only be 5 mins till we are home. Hold on.
DD I can't hold on - I don't have no hands down there

[harticus]

DS: Why do you have to wear boobs?

[RubyrooUK]

My DS1 (three) is also going through this stage. At the moment he wants to do everything himself. DH was in the bathroom with him and reminded him to push his willy down so pee didn't spray everywhere.

Cue DS shouting incredibly loudly: "No, daddy, don't you touch my willy! I want to touch my willy myself! I touch my willy myself!"

DH almost died as he was so loud.

And tonight DS1 said to me out of nowhere...."mummy, I love...."

I said "yes, baby?"

And he said " I really love your tongue mummy".

Honestly, I hope he never speaks about us to his nursery staff

[Musicaltheatremum]

My now 20 year old daughter when she was nearly 3 commented " daddy's got a funny bottom.... It's got a nose on it" husband and I couldn't see for crying and laughing.

[Ezza1]

I've just recently had DC4. 3 year old DS said "Do you still have a baby in your tummy? " Me, through gritted teeth "No DS, shes over in her cot"

DS pats and inspects my tummy thoroughly, glances at baby, looks back at me, head tilted and says "Are you really absolutely completely sure?" (watches too much Charlie and Lola)



He was eyeing my tummy suspiciously for the rest of the day.

[cocolepew]

these are great.

[KeepingUpWithTheJonses]

Last week ds2(3) was messing around with my friend (who's his Godmother).

She was eating a sandwich and he wandered over and asked for a bite. She gestured at the plate in a 'help yourself' move. He went to pick it up then stopped and said 'Oh, no, can you feed it to me?'

My friend replied with 'No, no don't be silly, you can do it!' in an encouraging voice. So he did, and they pretty much shared it. When they were finished she said something like 'Well done, I told you you could eat it on your own!'

Ds2 replied 'Yes I know I can. But my fingers are smelly! So I thought you should!' (then lots of giggling). Followed by 'My finger smells of Poo!'

My friend (in a silly voice, also laughing): 'What! Why would your finger smell of poo you monkey?!?'

Ds2: (Deadpan) 'Because it's been up my bum. How else would it smell of poo, silly!'

She looked pretty green after that.

[EBearhug]

My friend's child went through a stage of mispronouncing tr- words as f-.

They became very keen on words like van and lorry, especially as both their children seemed eager to name every passing vehicle, and there seem to be so many trucks passing when there are lots of people around.

[timidviper]

My DS at 3, shortly after the birth of his little sister asked me why did babies come out of your tummy if they had been warm and comfy in there. I explained that they grew too big and felt squashed "Look how big you are" I said "You couldn't fit in my tummy now could you?" He looked me up and down and said "I bet I could"

I have held that one against him for over 20 years now!

[Gintonic]

Crying with laughter here, especially at the mummy with no bum and the bum with a nose!!

[fairy1303]

When I was pregnant with DS, DSD asked me where belly buttons came from - I explained that it was from that tube that joins you to your mummy, and helps to feed the babies when they are in the tummy.

She clearly had visions of hamburgers flying through this tube and at a sleepover, I caught them whispering, terrified 'and the have this TUBE!! Ad it just whizzes through it!! I know! A a TUBE! '

[trixymalixy]

I had the election count on the television and DS was wanting me to put kid's tv on. I explained to him why it was important and why I wanted to watch it.

I asked him if he understood. He nodded sagely and said "prime ministers is like pirates without swords".

He got it .

[KeepingUpWithTheJonses]

Another one was when I was trying to rush the kids out because I was late for work.

I absentmindedly said 'Come on, if we're much later I'm going to get fired!'.

Cue ds1 'WHAT! They'll SHOOT you?! Nooooooooo....'

Five minutes later I was still at home, trying to calm down a screaming 4 and 2 year old and convince them that there are no guns at my workplace...

[whethergirl]

Friend was over with her two preschoolers. Her DS hit his younger brother.

Friend: "No DS! Don't hit your brother, look you made him cry!"

Her DS: "I didn't know."

Friend: "You didn't know it was wrong to hit him?"

Her DS: "No, I didn't know I was going to hit him."

[LegoCaltrops]

Someone I know told me this. Their DS is 3.
Friend was in the shower.

DS: Uh-oh
Friend: what darling?
DS: Mummy, you've got no willy!
Friend: That's ok. Mummys don't have willys.
DS: can we get one from the shop?

[JemR234]

This thread has cheered me right up! Love it.

[BumPop]

mnhq classics please. I have laughed myself into muttley like quiet hissing at thus thread.

[Flibbedyjibbet]

DD1 (when 2) "explained" one day that dafdy has a tail bum (like a dog's).

[treadheavily]

I had a lovely chat with my 6yo today.

"Mummy, will the world ever run out of people?"
Then after a few moments, "No it won't will it? Because if every person lays a baby, then there will keep being more and more people."

Followed swiftly by

"Who will be in my heaven? Will you be there?"
Then, "do you think I could choose to have China in my heaven? Because I have never been to China and I'm not sure if I've got time to get there while I'm alive."

[Dayshiftdoris]

I remember inadvertently getting to nursery 10mins early with my son at 3yrs and there being him and one other girl there (ScrummyGirl because she was). I wasn't allowed to leave him early so I got to witness a bit of pure comedy gold....

ScrummyGirl: 'Right MasterDoris! We are playing Mummy & Daddy's. Come with me! This is our baby. His name is Ben'

MasterDoris takes baby and stand there bemused (he does have ASD). ScrummyGirl leads him to home corner...

ScrummyGirl: 'Right! Ben is going to bed now! Night Ben Love you lots (Ben in cot).... Kiss him then... Good right....
There you go (hands my son a play iron) you can iron the clothes whilst I have a cup of tea'

And with that she flings herself on a beanbag a sips from a plastic cup.

Readers... My son ironed those baby clothes

And the next time I saw ScrummyGirl's girls mum & dad I had to say something... The dad said with a huge grin 'yes sounds about right'

Brilliant

[Weegiemum]

When dd1 (now 13) was about 3, dh had taken her out and so she had to use a cubicle in the men's loo.

He was very standing by the door as she sang "I wiiiiiish I haaaaaaaaad a Wiiiiiiiiiillllly"