To be sick of my friends arrogance

[NancyShrew]

I have a fairly good friend who is convinced that everyone fancies her, to the point where another friend was talking about introducing her new boyfriend and she said "oh but what if he fancies me, that will be awkward!", which I thought was a completely inappropriate thing to say.

In actual fact the boyfriend in question (and indeed other men) have made joking but derogatory comments about the friends appearance beforehand - not exactly giving the impression they fancy her, but I've always totally and utterly defended her, said she's gorgeous etc.

It's just getting a bit wearing, particularly when she tells me I need to dress more like her, lose weight, change my hair etc. I'm no oil painting but I do think I can hold my own, I get the odd bit of male attention/compliments from strangers etc.

I do love her and in my eyes she's beautiful and I'm sure there are a lot of people who think that too, but AIBU to be fed up of being constantly told how many people fancy her and how I should be more like her?

Arf that someone could in all seriousness say that treaclesoda. What a berk.

Treacle. Yes that's what i meant. That is shocking!

yes, said colleague was something of a tool!

She doesn't sound like much of a friend to me, always putting you down like that. I'd ditch her personally.

She sounds unhinged. Why on earth are you friends? We're none of us perfect and we all have character traits that our friends dislike, but anyone who actively puts you down is not a friend whose failings are worth putting up with.

At the same time, I'd tell your other friend to think long and hard about her new boyfriend, because the sort of man who will make derogatory remarks about unhinged friend's appearance is wearing a nice big red flag.

Sounds like she thinks you're the dowdy girl she uses to shine beside, while doing you a big favour by being your 'friend'.

People who've had some attention at some point can get very odd ideas about all men finding them attractive and, very fixed and narrow ideas about what attractiveness is (when they're very young).

you both sound a big daft tbh.

tell her you find it boring talking about such superficial stuff and to be honest you don't really spend time looking at her or thinking about her! tell her to grow up, get new friends.

lizzylou I have known a few people like this. One was definitely very insecure, masked it with outrageous arrogance and another I am not sure about. Her husband does worship her, so that could be something?

The only two women I think of like this come into the latter category too. They both have relatively high earning boyfriends with degrees, while being unemployed and a low paid part time worker respectively. Its as if everyone around them is engaging in some fantasy that they have been able to attract these men because of their looks alone. It is bizarre, as one of them is, without wishing to sound cruel, very plain with a large square nose, and the other is obese, doesn't carry it well and also has a large domed forehead and a terrible overbite with odd teeth. Yet they both do this act of being the perfect "kept woman" (or what they think passes for it), constantly talk about their visits to the salon or beauty spa or personal trainer to "keep themselves looking good", have adopted "little me" voices and mannerisms and I've heard it remarked by male friends that the boyfriends in question "have done well there". Neither are they very interesting company, as they seem to be used to being "entertained", rather than taking part in conversation.

I'm not being overly critical, and obviously as a heterosexual woman I wont find attractive what some men will, but I think I have a pretty good idea of what is conventionally attractive and what is to the plain side of things. It really is bizarre. They both have relatives on FB who constantly tell they how pretty, gorgeous, stunning, etc they are when they post up a photo of them invariably looking quite rough. Its as if they are all trying a hard sell on a product!

Mind you, I have heard their boyfriends talking about a couple of very pretty girls as "being like a man", because she is talented at sport.

Both of them seem to think that if they talk to another man, it is akin to cheating on their boyfriends, and alternatively simper and get ignored, or in the case of one of them, get drunk and flirt, in the hope of making him jealous.

How do I sound daft?

I'd be tempted to take the piss but a woman like this probably has a fan club who hope to gain some kind of perceived attractiveness by association.
The fan club would see it as their jobs to trash any detractors

I was at college with a girl like her. I'd say she was pretty but not the stunner she seemed to think she was, and in any case her arrogance and self-loving cancelled out any beauty that she did have.

I went into town with her a few times and she would be constantly saying things such as 'Look, look, he's looking at me, I think he fancies me', or saying that everyone was flirting with her. She also always went on about how beautiful she thought she was.

One girl on our course had very similar boots to her, and she kept saying to me 'Julie's boots are very similar to mine. Obviously not as expensive as mine'.

She is on my FB friends, and even now we're in our thirties she seems the same, very full of herself. She's bagged herself a rich but ugly boyfriend (which she always said she would do).

Lol this has made me remember my sister pissed at my BBQ years ago. Sidles/staggers up to me and whispers, "none of the men here can take their eyes off me". There were 3 men, her DH, my DH and our Dad. Realises what she's said and goes "ooh not YOUR DH". So that leaves her DH and our Dad lol. I'd let it wash over you tbh

I'm the dowdy friend for life lol, but I got settled,engaged and married before anyone else....
and it does shift the dynamic , although I don't know anyone as rude as your mate I do some people who have a 'you may worship me' mentality towards men, One of my mates did and as much as many lads did fancy her, plenty didn't and it was quite painful to see them be so full on only to hear them making fun later on,she was/is very pretty but very desperate too sadly... I do actually think its people who have been told there wonderful a little bit too much,

I have a fairly good friend who is convinced that everyone fancies her, to the point where another friend was talking about introducing her new boyfriend and she said "oh but what if he fancies me, that will be awkward!"

How could you not respond ' oh god you're right, that would be awkward...oh no, i've just thought of something else that could be awkward...what if he drops his keks and turds on the floor, but clearly neither of those things are going to happen, so i think we are all pretty safe'

Ignore her comments about you and YANBU about it being annoying.
Although I think it's hilarious. I used to have this joke with my sister if we met a nice young bl

Try that again: if we met a nice young bloke we'd turn to the other and say : 'he wants me!' in a deadly serious tone. Used to make us laugh every time..,

I remember a friend who told me what happened when she tried some hallucinogenic substance or other.

Apparently she could read the minds of all the people in the room...all of the men were fantasizing about having sex with her

These folk can be funny in an outrageous, taking the piss way if you only see them now and again, no way would I want a close friend like this as it would drive me crazy. Therefor I don't have any friends like this.

Knew one girl whose idol was Jordan, she got her boobs done - even though she was usually skint. Was always plastered in make up and wore revealing clothes (even women couldn't take their eyes off her boobs. She wanted to be a model (more glam) but was just middlingly attractive. She was very insecure and couldn't ever be seen without being plastered in make-up. She wasn't horrible and could be quite sweet - just so hung up on her looks and getting attention.

Self belief is a powerful thing. Unless someone is very obviously deluded it becomes self-perpetuating. One of the things I'm always struck by is how ordinary some so-called sex symbols look. What they exude is a confidence and charisma that draws people to them, and I expect that in large part comes from other people feeding that belief.

Look at the popular ones in school. Many of them are popular because they are all-round likeable children with good social skills. Others are popular for less auspicious, or even sinister, reasons. But either way the common trait they share is that the belief some people have in their 'power' encourages others to want to be a part of that group. This feeds the self-belief and so it goes on.

We live in a world in which women are still judged hugely on their appearance and their domestic skills. It is unsurprising that many women still choose to court popularity through these mediums (and end up believing the myth they are trying to create).

That is pretty funny tbh.

I think my response to 'what if he fancies me' would be I think we can all rest easy on that, to am I gorgeous would be, your fine, why have you done something special and as to telling you to look like her, ( ) No thanks, I'd MUCH rather look like me. She'll either drop you or stop being so mental pretty quick!

I agree with Dahlen, I come across a lot of people who are maybe slim with a so/so face or v. overweight with a sweet face or an average figure/average face, few people have the 'whole package' but manage to attract people on many different levels.

Meh! She sounds like a lot of work