Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not make her a seperate meal?

827 replies

fairy1303 · 06/11/2013 17:05

DSD lives here full time.

She is currently having a massive meltdown because I have told her we are having... shock horror... CASSEROLE for dinner.

We have this about once a month, it's cheap, easy, healthy.
I know she doesn't like it.

I have said that is what we are having, no I won't make a seperate meal.
She is telling me not to serve her any. She doesn't want it. She is crying because she 'isn't allowed any dinner'. She has phoned MIL to tell her. She is about to phone my mum to tell her too. She has phoned daddy at work to tell him.

Now, I'm pretty strict. I'm also aware of the wsm stuff.

AIBU to say: that is what we are having. There will be nothing else?

Or am I being too hard on her?

She's 8

OP posts:
LittleBearPad · 06/11/2013 18:45

The people who say they won't eat things they don't like, would you force it down at a friends house if they'd cooked for you or at a dinner where there was only one option (disclaimer veggies, even salmon eating ones Wink are allowed to refuse meat/fish). Sometimes you have to eat stuff you don't like to be polite. Bit of a tangent, sorry OP.

Sirzy · 06/11/2013 18:47

My friends are nice enough to discuss menus with me before cooking if I am going to their house for dinner. I do the same. I cater for what guests like rather than just guessing!

DIYapprentice · 06/11/2013 18:48

Op, I think you made the mistake of saying that your DSD doesn't like the food, rather than just saying she wasn't keen on it.

There's a world of difference between food that you don't LIKE, and food that you DON'T like. Just because the op's DSD doesn't LIKE the food, doesn't mean she dislikes it!!!!!

AmberLeaf · 06/11/2013 18:48

The people who say they won't eat things they don't like, would you force it down at a friends house if they'd cooked for you or at a dinner where there was only one option

If my friends cooked for me they would cook something they know I liked.

Sirzy · 06/11/2013 18:48

Oh and I don't agree with this idea that "pandering to fussiness" makes them more fussy. The fussiest eater I know is my mum who was raised with the "stay at the table until its gone" type attitude to food because of that there are a number of foods she simply can't eat as an adult.

jellybeans · 06/11/2013 18:51

YANBU but I would offer bread and butter or bung in some fish fingers. Don't get into making loads of dif meals. Also it's not fair if people moan they don't like stuff which mean others miss out. Fair enough small kids or a few things but fussing over a lot spoils for the rest of family. Just because it isn't what you would choose doesn't make it yuk.

ziggiestardust · 06/11/2013 18:51

I would definitely have offered her a play alternative like a sandwich/soup etc, but seeing as you have done that and she's eyeing up your now cheese sprinkled casserole... I'd say there's nothing wrong here other than she didn't much fancy it tonight!

It sounds like a nice, hot, nutritious meal. I'm not in the 'force it down her neck' camp, but I do think that things should be at least tried; if not liked, politely refused and then she could be provided with a quick alternative.

You're also teaching them how to be nice adults.

Taste buds change too, that's for sure.

You sound like you're doing a great job Wink

Boggler · 06/11/2013 18:51

I think that if you are mum and have always had a rule that everyone gets the same whatever then that becomes a family thing that everyone accepts. However if you're a step parent introducing such a rule into a household that has been split, separated no matter how amicably does it does seem mean to me.

FizzyPink · 06/11/2013 18:53

When I was growing up we absolutely had to eat everything that was out in front of us. We certainly wouldn't have been cooked anything else. However I have a massive fear of casserole (stupid I know). I once got food poisoning after eating a mcdonalds cheeseburger and for some reason the smell of a casserole cooking used to remind me of this. I would literally break down in tears at the table. I don't ever remember being made a different meal but I think I would have been allowed to just have potatoes and some fished out bits of meat with no sauce on.

campion · 06/11/2013 18:54

I was made to stay at the table at school at a similar age until I ate my apricot crumble. I can't bear apricots.

I ate the crumble best I could and 5 minutes later threw it all up again.

Not exactly a result for anyone.

Give her some beans on toast and let it drop. She doesn't like casserole. It's not the end of the world but you are being mean to leave an 8 year old hungry.

nosleeptillbedtime · 06/11/2013 18:55

Not read all the replies but this is interesting. My parents NEVER made Me or my brother a separate meal. They were too poor and it would never have occurred to them to do so. It meant they had meals that I whined all the way through but I ate them. I wouldn't make her a separate meal. I am surprised so many people would. I have a wide palate now as I learnt to appreciate a lot of tastes. Anyway sometimes in life you need to sik up things you don't like. It is an important lesson to learn.

HotCrossPun · 06/11/2013 18:58

What is in it?

Fleta · 06/11/2013 18:58

I can't believe all the people on here saying 'why feed her something she doesn't like'. No wonder loads of kids eat nothing but chips, pizza and beige food and we have a child obesity time bomb about to go off!
My family never, ever made separate meals for the fuss pots that 'didn't like it', because those fusspots didn't really like anything and just liked moaning. Funnily enough they ate most of what was put down in front of them as going hungry was the alternative. No-one starved to death and everyone grew up with wide ranging adult palates.

My daugher has a hugely wide-ranging diet and eats very healthily.

It is incredibly important to me that she has a healthy relationship to me, and part of that for me is her being able to articulate her likes and dislikes. And I think it is important for me to respect that - why on earth would I turn a meal time into an uncomfortable session for all of us by feeding her something she has said she doesn't like. I'm not running a workhouse, I'm running a happy family home where everyone's opinion is important.

So sometimes I have to cook two meals instead of one - big deal. If you're careful and clever about it, it can mean next to no more work and only a touch more cost.

Whereisegg · 06/11/2013 18:59

You've put cheese in it?! Shock

about as helpful as pp who wanted casserole

squeakytoy · 06/11/2013 18:59

There is a very simple solution. When you next make a dish that she does like, which can be frozen. Put a portion of it in the freezer for her, so that when veg casserole is on the menu, you can defrost her portion of what she does like. No extra shopping or cooking...

My husband doesnt like seafood.. me and stepson do. So when we have that, he has a defrosted portion of chilli or shepherds pie or beef stew.

Cheesy123 · 06/11/2013 19:02

I've made my dd eat something tonight she said she didn't like, I know very well she does we just haven't had it for a while, after the first mouthful she said it was nice and ate it. What I would insist on is that she tries it and if she really doesn't like make her something else. My dad forced me
To eat a couple of things when I was young, one I still won't touch now and the other I started eating about 5 years ago, I'm in my late thirties!

LittleBearPad · 06/11/2013 19:04

Sirzy, Amberleaf what about a formal dinner? A work thing or being invited by someone you don't know well or a wedding?

Yermina · 06/11/2013 19:06

"I can't believe all the people on here saying 'why feed her something she doesn't like'. No wonder loads of kids eat nothing but chips, pizza and beige food and we have a child obesity time bomb about to go off!"

Yes - and like, it's really awful if children sometimes have to eat something not to their liking. Hmm

Christ, so glad I've been as strict as the OP, because I've ended up with three children who will eat anything and DO, without bleating, because they just accept as a fact of life that they can't always have what they want. Meal planning, shopping and cooking is tedious enough without having to take the food whims of 5 people into account.

If they really can't face eating what I've cooked I point them in the direction of the toaster and the fruit bowl.

SecretNutellaFix · 06/11/2013 19:06

I don't like wine in food.

Would I refuse to eat it? No.

I hate, hate, hate prawns. To the extent that they make me heave at the slightest hint of prawn. I comb through rice to make sure there is none in there.

Would I refuse to eat it? Hell yes, and I have.

Edendance · 06/11/2013 19:08

It sounds like she'd just rather have something else. I wouldn't make her anything else otherwise you'll be doing that again, and again, and again and bitterly regret it. If she's eaten it in the past just with a few complaints then I'd just offer it up and she can go without if she won't eat it.

Perhaps next time it could be a bit different though? Leave the potatoes out but serve it up with mashed potato or rice for instance? Or fry some bacon/sausages/chicken and mix that into the non veggie portions perhaps? I liked someone else's suggestion of having her cook with you to see what's going in, perhaps she could help choose ingredients from the supermarket too?

Fleta · 06/11/2013 19:10

Christ, so glad I've been as strict as the OP, because I've ended up with three children who will eat anything and DO, without bleating, because they just accept as a fact of life that they can't always have what they want. Meal planning, shopping and cooking is tedious enough without having to take the food whims of 5 people into account.

And yet I also have a daughter who will eat anything (apart from salmon and mushrooms) from steak to foie gras, you name it, she will eat it and I haven't been strict - I've let her find her own way.

I just don't get how expressing a taste preference is bleating. I meal plan quite easily taking her likes into consideration.

lunar1 · 06/11/2013 19:11

So far you have put in lentils, veg sausages, tomatoes and cheeseShock. I thing I'd phone mil for help too.

TheHeadlessLadyofCannock · 06/11/2013 19:11

YANBU. I can't abide fussiness either, and this really does sound like doing it for the sake of it.

Yermina · 06/11/2013 19:11

Maybe it's no coincidence that my side of the family eats (and enjoys mostly and is grateful for) EVERYTHING that's put in front of them, whereas DH's siblings, nieces and nephews (who've been catered for separately when they've expressed a dislike of a certain meal) are all fussy buggers. It's bloody infuriating when you invite the whole family around. This one won't eat any veg apart from carrots and peas, that one won't eat fish, this one will only eat breast meat from the chicken, that one doesn't like rice, that one doesn't like spicy food.......

SaucyJack · 06/11/2013 19:12

sometimes in life you need to sik up things you don't like.

Typo of the week Nosleep Grin