to not make her a seperate meal?

[fairy1303]

DSD lives here full time.

She is currently having a massive meltdown because I have told her we are having... shock horror... CASSEROLE for dinner.

We have this about once a month, it's cheap, easy, healthy.
I know she doesn't like it.

I have said that is what we are having, no I won't make a seperate meal.
She is telling me not to serve her any. She doesn't want it. She is crying because she 'isn't allowed any dinner'. She has phoned MIL to tell her. She is about to phone my mum to tell her too. She has phoned daddy at work to tell him.

Now, I'm pretty strict. I'm also aware of the wsm stuff.

AIBU to say: that is what we are having. There will be nothing else?

Or am I being too hard on her?

She's 8

It's weird what kicks off and what doesn't on mumsnet. I didn't post earlier because I thought it would just be a short little 50/50 thread

For what it's worth, it's difficult enough feeding a family without worrying about each meal. As long as they don't actually vomit while eating the meal I consider that a success

None of mine are that keen on pasta but I am sick of chicken nuggets and chips so it's tough

"Lady I wouldn't touch the casserole"

If you were invited to the house of a friend or colleague and they served up casserole, you'd sit at the table, cross your arms and ask for a piece of toast instead?

There was a thread recently when a grown woman did just that despite being pre-warned of what the meal would be.

Mini has your ds always accepted a wide range of foods or is he just starting to now? The foods mine refuse are aren't what you might imagine they refuse. For example they don't refuse meat, fruit and vegetables but they do refuse sweets.cakes, pop. They would refuse a casserole because they like food that is separate and they can see what each individual component is. They also don't particularly like chips or pizza so whilst you might consider me pandering to them it's not in the way you might imagine.

Like was said way back in the thread whenever I have been to someone else's house they have checked before hand whether everyone likes the meal - to me that is the sensible way to do things.

I would also always tell people when invited that I don't like lamb or celary pretty much anything else I would give a go but I can not physically stomach them. If someone still severed them then I would eat everything else but avoid those parts of the meal. If it was a lamb casserole I wouldn't eat it. I think throwing up would be ruder than not eating ;)

I wouldn't touch that particular casserole no, I'd eat chicken casserole, beef casserole, even sausage casserole at a push but not what to me is a load of stuff bunged in a dish. My friends don't find me fussy and I've never offended any of them and thankfully I've never been offered that combination.It would be the combination rather than the individual components I would add.

"And it can also have something to do with children being encouraged and facilitated to reject foods they find challenging by parents happy to always dish up alternative food which is invariably much, much blander than what is being rejected by the child."

Research is ongoing on the similarities between adult fussy eaters and presumably on their eating histories, so we will soon find out. Do your relatives have have sensitivities regarding certain textures? It is possible that they have not been offered foods enough to get over their toddler neophobia. This doesn't mean that there should not always be a component in the meal that the child will eat (e.g. rice, bread roll, salad, peas). Alternatively, they could be so-called "super tasters" for whom many tastes are just too much. These people have more taste buds in their tongues than ordinary people. Other than that, there might be other genetic or environmental influences at work, that are harder to establish, and could include trauma from being forced to eat things, food associations, etc.

Lots of people falling over themselves to prove how tough, unrelenting and hard-assed they are about parenting. I don't know.. I didn't realise the dinner table was meant to be some kind of battle ground? I guess everyone's got different values.

You have a very strange definition of battle if you think that not pandering to every whim is conflict, Toys.

Do you spend your entire life simply following your DCs around awaiting the next demand? I think not.

Another example: DD had a little friend over for tea the other day. He's been for tea before and has happily eaten pizza without any qualms. The only difference about the other day was that I was cooking, rather than DH.

Pizza turns up: 'I don't like that.' The three of us (DH, kid's dad and I) simply told him that that was what was on offer, he'd eaten it before and that he'd have to at least try it before refusing. 'I want pudding.' No pudding until you've eaten your tea, we say. No shouting, no strife, all very matter of fact. The kid was basically seeing what he could get away with seeing as I was there instead of just the dads. Kid nibbles the pizza. Huge praise. Kid eats a bit more. Then starts tucking in. We drop the subject and move on with the conversation.

He ate three pieces of his own volition in the end. We'd have let it drop at the middle of one piece if he'd really not being enjoying it, and filled him up on bread, butter and banana.

Interestingly he point-blank refused to even try a tiny teaspoonful of pudding. Totally different attitude to that, he clearly didn't want it at all and was prepared to kick up quite a fuss, it was perfectly obvious this was an active problem rather than just playing about. So no problem we say, all the fruit you can eat is yours. He has a bit of clementine but really isn't bothered that much. I think he was just full of pizza, TBH.

No battle there.

While I agree the OP got some very unfair stuff thrown at her, she was perfectly happy to throw back aggression and the tone of her posts are quite unpleasant at times. Not sure why some posters get told off for their tone/words but others can do it and be ignored.

That is very different from a child genuinely not liking something though Silverten.

You think theres a problem with any of the posts candy, then just hit the report button.

Done so, Brian

I used the word "battle" to describe a situation where many parents seem to feel they can't ever show "weakness", by being flexible, kind and inclusive, as doing so would be letting the child "win".

Actually that was two examples: one where the child was trying it on, one where they really had a problem.

And everybody 'won' where it mattered.

ToysRLuv iswym. God forbid children should be heard AND seen, eh

But then maybe I'm just a hippy like that.

That was a comment I made earlier silverten. Nothing to do with your situations, there. And IMO you did the right thing in both situations.

.....and I fail to see how us being prepared to meet the kid half way on the pizza question wasn't being flexible.

If we'd forced him to stuff the whole lot through gagging and tears you'd have a point. But we didn't.

see i have never done the no pudding til youve eaten dinner thing,you might aswell say "look,this food is disgusting,but if you can manage to swallow it down you get the good stuff!" if my kids dont eat any dinner they still get pudding.I dont think its good to see food as a treat or a punishment.one day you wont be there and they ill think "fuck it" and just go straight to pudding just because they can.

Silverten: It wasn't aimed at you at all, I said it ages ago when everyone was boasting about how 'ard and cold they were..

Sirzy I'm pretty much the same I couldn't eat lamb but I've always been asked so it's not been a problem if it was served I'd just eat around it. I'd also ask if they were serving a whole fish whether I could have a side plate to remove the head before I ate but I think with pretty much everything else I'd eat enough so that I didn't offend. Luckily I am known to have a small appetite so no one would serve me or expect me to eat mounds of food even if it was my favourite.

Toys, just because someone's view or experience is different to yours does not mean they are being all ''ard and cold'. You are really very rude in your assumptions.

But you seem determined to see what the OP as unreasonable, but what we did as fine, Toys. Whereas they are pretty much identical situations really.

Anyway.

I too ponder over the pudding question. I don't want the message to be that it's the only food worth eating, I really don't. On the other hand, I know with rock-bottom certainty that if I didn't expect DD to at least have a go at something savoury, she'd fill up on fruit and pudding without even trying her main course.

We try for a middle ground where she has to have at least a tiny amount of savoury food (like, a single mouthful of something new, or five mouthfuls of something we know she is ok with) before pudding gets wheeled out. And no big huge deal if she really hates it- we just tell her that she's allowed not to like the new thing as long as she's tried it a tiny bit.

It seems to work in general.

I agree about the pudding thing, ringa. We don't usually have any. If we are visiting friends who do, I still ask DS to at least taste the main meal, and then wait to have pudding when everyone is ready. That is if the pudding is not jelly, something with lumpy jam, etc..

Like was said way back in the thread whenever I have been to someone else's house they have checked before hand whether everyone likes the meal - to me that is the sensible way to do things.

If I have visitors for a meal I always ask if there is something they don't eat. Generally they come up with a couple of things and it is easy to avoid. I don't expect a list, so that it gets to 'what they do eat!
I have never had it, but if they had a huge list it would be the first and last time. (allergies would be the exception)