to not make her a seperate meal?

[fairy1303]

DSD lives here full time.

She is currently having a massive meltdown because I have told her we are having... shock horror... CASSEROLE for dinner.

We have this about once a month, it's cheap, easy, healthy.
I know she doesn't like it.

I have said that is what we are having, no I won't make a seperate meal.
She is telling me not to serve her any. She doesn't want it. She is crying because she 'isn't allowed any dinner'. She has phoned MIL to tell her. She is about to phone my mum to tell her too. She has phoned daddy at work to tell him.

Now, I'm pretty strict. I'm also aware of the wsm stuff.

AIBU to say: that is what we are having. There will be nothing else?

Or am I being too hard on her?

She's 8

Mine can cook. I can't afford for her to cook up half of what is needed for tea though so I cook mostly. It's just how it works in our family.

As I wasn't there, I'll take the OP's word that her dsd happily ate the casserole as she said she ate it all.

I think you are handling this all wrong. You are making this a confrontation thing. You will win this round because your DSD is only 8 and will cave. So do you want your DSD to cave because you are bigger and older and CAN IMPOSE YOUR WILL (this will last for what feels like a nanosecond and cause lasting antagonism) or do you want to work with her?

Get her to cook. Seriously, get her to cook. Tell her you want to please her and get everyone engaged. At 8, she is old enough to be pleased with the responsibility.

My 3 year old is pleased with the responsibility! Agree with Wuldric - this works.

No I wasn't there , that's why I wasn't offering fictional scenarios as fact. All we have is what the OP tells us and that is that it isn't her favourite meal in the world but has eaten it on numerous previous occasions without incident. And she ate it again this evening, all of it , instead of the sandwich that was offered as an alternative.

I'm pissing myself laughing at the four year old who would make Thr healthy balanced diet choices all the way.

That's priceless that is.

Yeah, me too Rhonda. Mine would always always go for the healthy option right up until she was old enough to go and buy food herself. She's not that bad diet wise really but well, a 4 year old eats the healthy stuff you buy.

Well, the OP "won", in any case and that is the important thing. So, a great result! Ignoring, really teaches annoying children their feelings don't count. How about teaching a real strategy, like trying a bit and then saying "no thank you"? How does ignoring not eventually "crush the spirit"? Would acknowledging the DSD's feeling made her "win"? The OP didn't have to "pander" to DSD or cook something else, just not ignore, as if DSD were an annoying mosquito.

And for the record, I would definitely not eat this:

Chick peas
Lentils
Baked beans
Chopped tomatoes
Whatever veg there is
Veg stock
Bit of cheese added at the end
I put sausages in (veggie) because it makes it more edible for DSD.

I seriously would not eat this. I like all the ingredients separately (apart from the vegetable stock cube thing), but seriously ... Baked beans with lentils (cooked how?) chickpeas (from a tin, presumably), chopped tomatoes (ditto) with some random vegetable sausages thrown in.

There is no way on god's green earth that I would eat that. I am 46, not 8.

I always thought ignoring undesirable behaviour was a good thing? I certainly won't pander to it.

Rhonda: I reckon you need a tena lady, as I'm sure you'll piss yourself some more now that I tell you that what I said is absolutely true. Of course it is due to me being a superior parent

Well wuldric that's probably because no one ever educated your palate to it when you were 8.

Can I just say I grew up with a mother with ridiculous amounts of food allergies and as a result I will pretty much eat anything if required. However I would quite happily serve my own children the meal mentioned on this thread as it is both tasty and nutritious if cooked well and there is really no need for an 8 year old never mind a 46 year old to be sneezy or divaish about being presented with a well balanced meal.

Yes my 4 yr old eats anything and everything. If he took the choice then overall his food would be healthy, because thats whats in the cupboards. If i gave him a tenner and a shopping basket, within minutes it would be full of lemonade, crisps, haribo and chocolate. And possibly an apple as a nod to healthy living

'Annoying mosquito'??

There you projecting again. Her methods aren't your methods, that's allowed thank God. I think the OP sounds like someone doing her very best for her dsd.

Nah toys it's due to you having a 4 year old. Good luck with that in ten years!

The op wasn't inviting you round to tea wuldric

It's not pandering to acknowledge feelings, Youthecat. Also, I find a simple explanation why something is not ok, and offering of choices works for most behaviours. Distraction and offering something to do, like stirring a pot is fab too. After that, natural consequences are best, then taking something away (like rights to telly time etc.)..

Yes right - that works at 4. Not at 8.

The child was offered a sandwich. So hardly ignoring. I expect she'll be in therapy for years over this eh?

Salmon for your vegetarian kid? Do you not own a dictionary?

OP, you don't need to cater to picky kids. There are always two choices for dinner in my house: eat what I give you or go hungry. This is not a bloody restaurant.

Rhonda: Oh goodness, teenagers are a different thing, of course! But I can only work with one stage at the time.. Hopefully DS will learn to cook the occasional dinner by then and hopefully will make good choices.

Squoosh: OP was obviously irritated by DSD's whinging. Like you would be irritated by a mosquitos (similar sounding) noise. That is all. Not a massive leap!

But why not just serve beans on toast FGS? That's an honest snack. Why throw in a tin of chickpeas, a tin of tomatoes, some vegetable stock and some lentils? That's just disgusting.

You could make a delicious lentil and chickpea soup or just do beans on toast.

Seriously, that meal is a disaster. You could serve some of that stuff they give to mountaineers and do better. What do they call it? Kendal mint cake or summat. Strictly functional and utilitarian. Does the job. Makes you want to vomit ...

My DS is very picky and has regular tantrums about food. However he is inconsistent, what was eaten yesterday may be rejected today (although I have noticed that once something has been rejected it is a very long wait for it to regain acceptance).
My DD has started competing with him for attention over food. They will swear blind that they hate the food and refuse to eat it even if they have eaten in the past and/or appear to enjoy the constituent parts.

When I meal plan for the week, the only food I can 100% be sure that everyone will sit down and eat is plain, unsauced pasta. Anything else I choose to cook is liable to be rejected by one or both of the DCs.

So I just cook the planned meal and leave them to it, because DH and I do not want plain pasta every single night and nor do we consider it to be a healthy balanced meal. They eat enough of what is put in front of them eventually to fend off the hunger pangs.

OP - you handled it beautifully.

Kendal mint cake is a sweet.

Good lord, wuldric, you are 46, get a grip. It's a fine meal and one many of us would happily serve. I would serve it because chickpeas and lentils are a great source of protein, and along with tomatoes are more of your five a day. Nutritionally it's far superior to beans on toast.

Anyway - did you MEAN to be so rude?

Its not disgusting waldrick. Just because you don't like the sound of it doesn't make it disgusting. Its not dog shit served up on a plate. You sound like a spoilt 8 yr old yourself.

Chick peas
Lentils
Baked beans
Chopped tomatoes
Whatever veg there is
Veg stock
Bit of cheese added at the end
I put sausages in (veggie) because it makes it more edible for DSD.

That actually sounds really lovely! Oh, and one EVERYONE in our household would like! Just because it's 'disgusting' to you doesn't mean it is to everyone.
You sound rather fussy yourself.
(I'm making a mental note of this casserole for future use )