to not make her a seperate meal?

[fairy1303]

DSD lives here full time.

She is currently having a massive meltdown because I have told her we are having... shock horror... CASSEROLE for dinner.

We have this about once a month, it's cheap, easy, healthy.
I know she doesn't like it.

I have said that is what we are having, no I won't make a seperate meal.
She is telling me not to serve her any. She doesn't want it. She is crying because she 'isn't allowed any dinner'. She has phoned MIL to tell her. She is about to phone my mum to tell her too. She has phoned daddy at work to tell him.

Now, I'm pretty strict. I'm also aware of the wsm stuff.

AIBU to say: that is what we are having. There will be nothing else?

Or am I being too hard on her?

She's 8

I don't give a shit if my kids didn't like certain foods.

It's just food.

Hope, for your sake, Laurie, that won't be one of the things they hated about their childhood and resent you for. After all, I'm sure children never have genuine feelings. It is all for an act for your benefit. Always.

Dangling: Well, my child gags when he tastes a lot of lumpy, wet food. When I have tried to force him in the past (a mistake), he has nearly vomited and cried. He has been weaned on everything (BLW) previously, but went off lumpy, sloppy food it at 2 years old. I will not force him now.

He eats a good range of healthy things and is willing to try many new foods (celery, parmesan cheese and chili ryvita are a couple of his likes, so not adverse to strong tastes). Some children are genuinely phobic. And it certainly is not my "fault" like you are insinuating. We are a multicultural family with a broad range of foods served. DS is only just 4 now, so will likely grow out of it most of his dislikes, like DH and many other people have done. In the meantime he will be gently encouraged to cook food and try it - and quite often does. Just not every food, every time.

But food is the most important thing in the world! I can still remember amazing meals I ate decades ago. It is very important to teach my children how to enjoy exploring food, just as it's important for them to learn to enjoy books. Both are the key to unlocking the culture of different societies.

As usual, it's a question of moderation. Children should be allowed to refuse a few things that they really dislike - same as adults.

But they shouldn't'be able to dictate meals on a regular basis. Adults have the responsibility - in all senses of the word - for that.

It is important to teach children to enjoy foods but that doesn't mean ignoring the fact that people can and do have genuine food dislikes and no amount of forcing someone try something is ever going to change that.

YANBU. No separate meals in my house. You don't eat what everyone else is eating = you don't eat.

Exploring food is only beneficial if it's not done by force. Food should be fun and enjoyable. As you will agree, it's not just fuel. It is not some "tick all boxes or you have failed" exercise. Does it make you a better person if you eat everything in the world? I don't think so. As long as you eat a healthy range of food wide enough not to cause problems eating out, then who cares? I certainly don't think food's the most important thing in the world! I think that is a bit of an unhealthy attitude, to be honest..

However, you have said that your children do not particularly object to being made to try any given thing, so I guess they really, genuinely do not mind much and are not phobic. That is a totally different situation from mine.

That was to Dangly, btw.

toysRLuv So you have forced a child who didn't want to eat something to eat until he was sick? OK. I would never do that. Don't project your own mistake on others. There's a big difference between telling schoolchildren that tastes change with time and so they should taste everything to see if they like it (my approach) and what you did to 2 year old and are now regretting.

Exactly LaQueen. After you stop forcing, most children become naturally curious and want to taste things when they become old enough to become more open-minded.

Also, yes, I hope they really are putting the act on. Like Llamas, or something. Because it really seems worth their while to do so. I would think they would eventually stop whining if you have, for years, never relented and just give up knowing that nobody is listening to them.

my 7 year old says he doesn't like casserole. he generally eats it after a bit of whinging.

Did you point towards the fruit bowl? and an oat cake or two.

It was one very tiny speck of rice pudding on a teaspoon - once, darling. Hardly enough to taste, let alone vomit! Don't worry for me or DS! (Any gagging since has happened after he has willingly tried things). I went temporarily insane after being endlessly told what a wet rag I was being "pandering to DS" and not making him taste everything..

I can only assume that your 2 year old was also willing to try everything at every meal? Or have you only recently changed you stance with their ages? What would you do with a gagging 4 year old?

LaQueen: Fantastic!

I think you are a bit unreasonable to make something for dinner that she doesn't like.

My DC all like different things. I only ever cook one meal a night.

They all moan about eating a beef stew or casserole.

Stick a crust on it and call it steak pie, and they clear their plates.

If you pander to children, they grow up fussy. If you just ignore it if they leave it and offer them fruit, nine times out of ten they grow out of it.

Making a fuss at mealtimes mean you end up with very fussy children. I know, I was one and it's taken years to change me.

My mum was very unusual for her time and I was never forced to eat food I didn't fancy. I was a fussy, picky eater with a small appetite.

My DH's mum was of the traditional one meal & you eat it school.

Guess which one of us has always been thin as an adult & has never needed to work to control their weight? That would be me.

Why force children to eat food they don't like, in a society that just eats too much food in general? I think being a bit picky is a good health mechanism, regulating & controlling appetite. I wouldn't want to 'train' a child out of their natural dislikes. Otherwise they may end up guzzling anything indiscriminately. Hello - we have an obesity crisis.

I'd give her something different. You know she doesn't like so it is a surprise or randomly decided she doesn't.

I don't like casserole either.

I don't eat anything I don't like so I wouldn't make my son.

He doesn't like caramel so that works out great as it means I get to have my chocolate to myself.

Its just food at the end of the day. We weren't forced to eat things we didn't like either.

But, ithaka, it's the most important thing in the world?

Dangly: Not really, just trying to make the point that some children are naturally fussier than other and literally can't try some things, some of the time. Some people really believe that it is always down to the parent, which is utter and complete bollocks.

45 years ago I watched a Nun make a girl eat her dinner, the girl puked up and was still made to eat the rest of her dinner, with the vomit over her clothes and on the floor next to her.

It was horrible.

I too hate a fussy child who is now 11 and is much less fussy than she was at 8. I've mostly had to cook slightly different for her than the others or adapt a meal. I wouldn't expect her to eat anything she doesn't like and bit by bit she has got better and better for example, now if I cooked a casserole I take her meat out, scrape some gravy off and serve with potatoes and veg not in gravy. When she was 8, I would have had to cook a totally different meal. I don't think it is a great hardship, although I have moaned about it, but if people genuinely don't like something it does seem a bit mean not to.