Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

to think I'm her parent, I get to decide if my daughter is too unwell for school?

97 replies

Tinklewinkle · 06/11/2013 11:05

My eldest daughter (11, in year 7) is unwell. She's had a stinking cough and cold for the last few days. She's carried on at school the last 2 days, but the lack of sleep from all night coughing has really got to her and she's completely exhausted. Last night she was up and down most of the night before finally dropping off about 5ish so when the alarm went off at 7 I decided to let her sleep and I'd send her into school later on if she felt better. If not, she'll be back tomorrow

Phoned school to let them know, just got answer phone so left a message explaining the above.

Just had a phone call from the rudest and most aggressive person I've ever had the misfortune to speak to Attendance Officer. My reasons for my daughter not attending school are "not acceptable" and I "need to get her in immediately". I tried to explain the above to her but she was so rude and aggressive, constantly talking over me, butting in and the phone call ended with her telling me she will be "taking this further and will be sending someone to our address to check, possibly following it up with the Education Welfare Officer"

I don't keep either of my children off school willy nilly, this is the first day off she's had (didn't have any time off at all last year, so it's not like she's always off with crap attendance), but I am her parent, so if I feel she's too sick for school, she's too sick for school

Would an EWO take any action?

OP posts:

friday16 · 06/11/2013 18:02

I find the threat of the EWO hilarious

Indeed.

I find the idea that the AO might turn up on your doorstep and demand to see your child pretty alarming, too. The child protection issues are fairly obvious.

shellbot · 06/11/2013 18:54

YANBU I had the attendance officer at my son's school send me a snotty patronising letter recently after he'd been off school with a back injury caused by another child jumping on his back whilst he was bent down putting a book on a shelf during a lesson.

The school called me to pick him up on the Friday as he was struggling to walk. I took him to the Doctors on Monday who gave him painkillers. He went back to school on Wed armed with painkiller. His dad and me drove him there and back as he would have struggled getting the bus as we didn't want him to miss too much school. He lasted until Friday when it got worse. I collected him and he was off the following Mon and Tues when his back got a lot better. He saw the Doctor twice and had an xray at the hospital so there was no way he was putting it on.

At the end of that week I received a letter threatening me with the EWO. I was fuming and send a letter that said that they were welcome to inform who they liked because if my son was assaulted again it wouldn't be only the EWO who would be informed. And that he wouldn't have been off if they hadn't failed in their duty of care towards him.

Original poster

Tinklewinkle · 06/11/2013 19:57

Thanks

Haven't heard anything more from the head today. To be quite honest, I don't think I will. School are utter crap at communication and there have been 1 or 2 queries that I've had that have been totally ignored. A quick squizz through the parents' group on Facebook, I'm not the only one complaining about this member of staff, and everyone else has also been ignored, so I will definitely be making an official complaint about her.

I feel a bit bad for DD as well, there's been a couple of occasions DD has mentioned this person and her rudeness but I took it with a pinch of salt. If she can be so disgustingly rude to a parent, I dread to think what she's like to the students.

We have parents evening next week so will bring it up then

DD's much better having caught up with some sleep. She's mostly fine during the day, it's evening and overnight the cough is at its worse, so we'll see what she's like tonight and hopefully back to school tomorrow

OP posts:

Mim78 · 06/11/2013 20:02

YANBU

The person sounds quite mad

Agree with what Mumsyblouse says

shellbot · 06/11/2013 20:05

I'm not sure if this will help but when one of mine was younger and bunged up the doctor suggested putting another pillow on the bed to he'd be more upright. He was a lot younger though so it might not make any difference with an older child.

yonisareforever · 06/11/2013 20:07

Id get in there and and complain like buggery.

how disgusting. how utterly vile.

I do not like bullies.

what about the daily fail? with sad faces

my school seems shite about noticing when my DD is plainly ill, so I am going to be erring on the side of caution in future.

AnnaConda · 06/11/2013 20:11

I can feel my blood pressure going up just reading this! Very unprofessional behaviour, bordering on bullying.

I hope complaints about her are followed up because I fear some families might feel pressurised into doing something that is not in the best interests of their child.

Quangle · 06/11/2013 20:12

Anyone who uses the "if you felt" construction or anything like it is basically really rude themselves. It tells you they think you are too thick to understand that they are not really apologising.

Good that you called her on that and got her to act instead of waving an apology word at you and then retracting it with some sophistry.

Someone apologised to me last week for something a bit rubbish that happened at work and I remember noticing that it was a genuine apology - not a "sorry if you felt..." Depressing that it's rare enough to be noteworthy.

Original poster

Tinklewinkle · 06/11/2013 20:22

Quangle I know, really gave me the rage. "If I felt" bollocks. Wishy washy half apology without admitting any blame.

I assume Head had spoken to the AO by then, Head said she'd "confirmed with Mrs X that no further action would be taken". Plus I'd also laid out the whole conversation in my initial email to her.

OP posts:

jamdonut · 06/11/2013 20:30

So what do you say instead of "felt"?

I would have said that, I think, or even "Sorry, if you thought..." It sounds a polite way of saying "I don't know the full story". she said she would investigate, so I don't know why you feel so angry about it.

Did you actually want her to condemn a member of her staff over the phone to you, without having all the facts?

However, the attendance officer does sound totally out of order! My kids' attendance office is a bit dopey,but usually say "hope xxxx feels better soon" . But my children are hardly ever off school either.

jamdonut · 06/11/2013 20:31

Oh dear...your post just answered that

gemmal88 · 06/11/2013 20:32

Felt is so patronising eh?

It's no apology, it turns it over to the person basically calling them a liar.

I would just leave it as is though, you've done your bit by complaining, fuck the silly attendance woman and just keep a record in case anything happens again and you need to take further action.

DrCoconut · 06/11/2013 20:40

The EWO threat annoys me. DS1 has ASD and huge issues with school. Some days it is a miracle if I get him there at all. A couple of weeks ago they sent him home and then gave him an unauthorised absence because he had no proof of being ill. I could write a book on it, I realise they sometimes need to enforce attendance but a one size fits all sledgehammer to crack a nut approach is silly and not fit for purpose to me.

thebody · 06/11/2013 20:40

glad your dd is feeling better op.

I certainly wouldn't put up with rudeness from anyone to be honest.

I also don't think its acceptable for a school to ignore emails.

phone the head and lodge a formal complaint.

as an aside I never ever tell 'the office' why my child wouldn't be attending as that's confidential to my child.

bit like doctors receptionist. mind your business.

cheeky cheeky cow.

jamdonut · 07/11/2013 20:27

They are not there to be nosy,it is their job to know and be confidential.( in as much as the information would be recorded for those who NEED to know)

Medical receptionists often need certain information and have a certain amount of access to your records (especially hospital receptionists - I was one). But it is also their job to act with confidentiality. I am now a TA. That training came in handy for my current job.

friday16 · 07/11/2013 20:49

They are not there to be nosy,it is their job to know and be confidential

School admin staff being confidential? Seriously?

BeyondTheLimitsOfAcceptability · 07/11/2013 21:32

Not as an urgent phone call of course, but I do wonder if it could be worth a quick email or letter to the ESA to let them know that they are being promoted in a "childcatcher" capacity by some school staff, and perhaps they may wish to organise some information/training to make sure staff are aware of their actual job role

mucho passive aggressivo

LindyHemming · 07/11/2013 21:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Tinklewinkle · 08/11/2013 19:53

Euphemia - It's a closed group on FB for parents/carers of pupils at this school. Some parents are discussing the heavy handedness of the AO (threats of EWO after 1 day sickness, etc), her disgusting rudeness and the fact that any complaints/queries about this member of staff are completely and utterly ignored by the school/head

Heard absolutely nothing from school since Wednesday

OP posts:

LindyHemming · 08/11/2013 20:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Peekingduck · 08/11/2013 20:14

You need to get a copy of the school Complaints Policy - it might be on the website, if not ask the office to give it to you. They have to. Then follow the complaints procedure.
I would suggest that you are complaining about the attendance officer, in which case I am sure you will need to make a formal complaint to the Head, based on the fact that you are not satisfied with the response already given. Unless you are now wanting to complain about the Head... in which case the complaint will be direct to the Chair of Governors.

Very important to decide what outcome you want. A lot of parents start vague complaints about things, but unless you say what you want to be done about it, the school is a bit stuck. Probably you want an apology from the attendance officer?

Madeyemoodysmum · 09/11/2013 16:16

Please do update us op when you do hear.

I'm really anti this policy for so many reasons, I can't honestly say I have never disliked a politician as much as I dislike gove!

He is taking our children's childhoods away,

I've always been a rebel at heart.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread