to think I'm her parent, I get to decide if my daughter is too unwell for school?

[Tinklewinkle]

My eldest daughter (11, in year 7) is unwell. She's had a stinking cough and cold for the last few days. She's carried on at school the last 2 days, but the lack of sleep from all night coughing has really got to her and she's completely exhausted. Last night she was up and down most of the night before finally dropping off about 5ish so when the alarm went off at 7 I decided to let her sleep and I'd send her into school later on if she felt better. If not, she'll be back tomorrow

Phoned school to let them know, just got answer phone so left a message explaining the above.

Just had a phone call from the rudest and most aggressive person I've ever had the misfortune to speak to Attendance Officer. My reasons for my daughter not attending school are "not acceptable" and I "need to get her in immediately". I tried to explain the above to her but she was so rude and aggressive, constantly talking over me, butting in and the phone call ended with her telling me she will be "taking this further and will be sending someone to our address to check, possibly following it up with the Education Welfare Officer"

I don't keep either of my children off school willy nilly, this is the first day off she's had (didn't have any time off at all last year, so it's not like she's always off with crap attendance), but I am her parent, so if I feel she's too sick for school, she's too sick for school

Would an EWO take any action?

Does this school have poor attendance in general? Have ofsted (or whoever) demanded they keep better records?

I would be livid in your position. Nothing wrong with just being generally unwell, we don't always know if we've got a cold, chest infection or are brewing a stomach bug or worse.

And it's not as if she's about to take important exams.

What did you actually say in the voicemail? If it was about her being tired, then that might have triggered the call. Still no need for the rudeness though.

What of course is even more annoying is that in my children's school, some teachers themselves have a very poor attendance record and have many days/weeks off with a cover supply in- not one, but several of the teachers. Why is it that the staff are allowed to be ill (up to one week without certification) but the students are not?

issuing empty threats about the Welfare Officer

Calling people's bluff over things like EWO visits may not be to everyone's taste. But I'd be tempted to write to the head and say that you are pleased that the school is taking poor attendance seriously, slightly surprised that your daughter falls into the category of poor attenders, but would like to make an appointment with the EWO to visit you and discuss how you move on from the 99.6% attendance you have recorded over the past eighteen months, so perhaps you could have the EWO's phone number to call them yourself?

The EWO would piss herself laughing at the idea of even answering the phone to people who have had one day off in eighteen months, and her boss would then tear a strip off the school for wasting their time.

That really is very bizarre. Since you've said that your dd doesn't have poor attendance and this is the first time she's been off, then I'm going to go with what a few other people said, either they've mixed her up with another child who does have poor attendance and this (to them) is the final straw or this misunderstood your message and thought you were saying she was too tired just because she'd been up until 5.

Out of curiousity, what did you say on the message? Maybe just saying she was unwell and leave it at that would have been best. If they wanted more details after that they could have phoned and it would be easier to explain when you were talking to each other directly. I do know that when I was younger, if any of us was off ill my mum would just say he/she is unwell and leave it at that.

She didn't need to be so bloody rude though.

On the answerphone I said that DD had been struggling with a bad cough and cold for the past couple of days, was feeling unwell and as a result of exhaustion due several broken nights sleep followed by being up all night constantly coughing I would be keeping her off for at least this morning.

The AO rang and said "so what's wrong with her?", I tried to explain again but she just kept saying "so it's just a cough?" every time I tried to speak and demanded that I send her in immediately. When I refused, threatened me with a home visit and the EWO. If she didn't understand my answerphone message, she should have listened when I tried to clarify.

She just feels shit. She'd been OK up until yesterday evening but after last night is absolutely knackered, banging head ache, painful ribs and back from all the coughing, sore joints

I had it last week so I know how she feels

Quite apart from how your poor DD feels, going into school is just going to infect everyone in her immediate vicinity. Which will do attendance levels no good at all.

In that case, they're either mixing her up with someone else or they're just fuckwits.

I hope your DD feels better soon.

Ridiculous. Next time don't bother trying to explain - just give a generic explanation of cold/cough/stomach bug.

I'd be absolutely furious if I were you though.

I can't stand this crappy jobsworth type behaviour from schools. It's quite clearly not 'just a cough'. If you were keeping her home with a slightly thickly throat, they might have a point. As it is, you've explained twice, the attendance person refused to listen and has also been bloody rude to you. I'd be extremely cross too tbh.

yanbu.

grrrrrr.

deffo complain at the agressive and rude manner in which you were spoken to.

I would def find out this rude and aggressive woman's name and the name of her superior/manager and make a massive complaint. It is a disgusting way to speak to someone - who the bloody hell does she think she is? I absolutely hate this kind of thing - a tiny bit of power makes some think they are allowed to speak to people like dirt.

On a separate note, I think you did absolutely the right thing keeping your dd at home and I wish her a speedy recovery!

I would definitely complain.I am in love with Friday's idea :D

This sort of rudeness gets me gears grinding though-NOBODY should get away with speaking like that.

I second the idea of contacting the EWO yourself, to spike RudeLady's guns completely. And I hope the Head emails back with a full apology, pronto!

Oh please follow Friday16's advice-

Calling people's bluff over things like EWO visits may not be to everyone's taste. But I'd be tempted to write to the head and say that you are pleased that the school is taking poor attendance seriously, slightly surprised that your daughter falls into the category of poor attenders, but would like to make an appointment with the EWO to visit you and discuss how you move on from the 99.6% attendance you have recorded over the past eighteen months, so perhaps you could have the EWO's phone number to call them yourself?

The EWO would piss herself laughing at the idea of even answering the phone to people who have had one day off in eighteen months, and her boss would then tear a strip off the school for wasting their time.

Yanbu. Next time, say she has the flu. Cheek.

EWO generally only deal with attendance levels below 85% or particular patterns of poor attendance. OP YANBU

In future would not overly explain illnesses. 'A virus' would cover what was wrong with your daughter and unless blood tested nobody, not even a doctor, would know what exactly that virus was, so absolutely truthful. You can add high temperature, joint stiffness, rash, headache, diarrhoea and vomiting in as appropriate.

Just come off the phone to the head.

First up, she confirmed that no further action would be taken, that my reasons for DD's absence are perfectly acceptable and she wished DD a speedy recovery. Confirmed that as at half term DD had 100% attendance and no lates (I knew this, they sent out a report to parents on the Friday they broke up for half term).

All fine.

Then she said "I apologise if you felt Mrs X was rude and aggressive, I'm sure that wasn't her intention"

So I pointed out to her just how rude Mrs X had been, that she'd barked at me, spoken over me, wouldn't let me speak, told me my reasons for keeping my sick child at home weren't acceptable, demanded I send her in before issuing me with empty threats of a home check and the EWO. There was no felt about it. She absolutely was rude and aggressive.

Head is "going to look into it"

In the meantime, I'm making an official complaint via the Head of Governors, and she's given me the EWO's details and I'm going to speak to them as well.

Not amused!

It doesn't sound like it was an EWO. They only get informed , AFAIK after a pattern of absences or prolonged absence. Sounds like this was an admin-person-in-charge-of-absences.

Very OTT approach to one day off sick

X post

I wouldn't take it any further, personally, until you hear back from the Head

Yes, it was the school's own Attendance Officer

The "if you felt" bit has really, really got me going

This makes my blood boil on your behalf OP! How outrageous!! I couldn't agree with you more. DD's school were absolutely bonkers about attendance up until a year or so ago. There were flippin attendance cups each week for the "best class" etc, all of which made Dd absolutely paranoid and terrified if she was too ill to go into school. I completely agree with you, I will never send her into school if I think she is too ill, I don't care what anyone says. Like you my Dd hasn't had much time off EVER and is not often ill.

she's given me the EWO's details and I'm going to speak to them as well.

Christ, because they've got so much spare time that they need to be dealing with a fuckwit AO with a fuckwit head. What on earth is the school doing wasting an EWO's time with this?

You sound like a very caring mother who has her best interests at heart so sod everyone else and give your daughter the best care she needs.