Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

to think I'm her parent, I get to decide if my daughter is too unwell for school?

97 replies

Tinklewinkle · 06/11/2013 11:05

My eldest daughter (11, in year 7) is unwell. She's had a stinking cough and cold for the last few days. She's carried on at school the last 2 days, but the lack of sleep from all night coughing has really got to her and she's completely exhausted. Last night she was up and down most of the night before finally dropping off about 5ish so when the alarm went off at 7 I decided to let her sleep and I'd send her into school later on if she felt better. If not, she'll be back tomorrow

Phoned school to let them know, just got answer phone so left a message explaining the above.

Just had a phone call from the rudest and most aggressive person I've ever had the misfortune to speak to Attendance Officer. My reasons for my daughter not attending school are "not acceptable" and I "need to get her in immediately". I tried to explain the above to her but she was so rude and aggressive, constantly talking over me, butting in and the phone call ended with her telling me she will be "taking this further and will be sending someone to our address to check, possibly following it up with the Education Welfare Officer"

I don't keep either of my children off school willy nilly, this is the first day off she's had (didn't have any time off at all last year, so it's not like she's always off with crap attendance), but I am her parent, so if I feel she's too sick for school, she's too sick for school

Would an EWO take any action?

OP posts:

Thumbwitch · 06/11/2013 13:48

Just as a matter of interest, why are you going to speak to the EWO? What are you going to say to them? They aren't going to be able to do anything about fuckwitted Attendance Officers and Head teachers who back their staff up because they probably feel they have to until informed otherwise.

Capriccioso · 06/11/2013 13:50

Utterly OTT! My dd (14) had a rare day off school yesterday. She too was tired and coldy; she slept till noon which tells me she needed the time off. I phoned school and explained. The receptionist said "oh the poor lamb, wish her better soon". I wish you'd had the same response.

NewtRipley · 06/11/2013 13:51

I agree Thumbwitch. OP I'd let it lie now. You won't "win" and privately I expect the Head agrees with you. To pursue it further risks alienating them and creating more work for them. Keep your powder dry

Mumsyblouse · 06/11/2013 13:52

I wouldn't actually speak to the EWO because the Head has backed down and confirmed this is an idle threat. Hopefully they will realise that you shouldn't threaten parents with the EWO over one day's legitimate absence.

I would expect the Head to apologise and agree to stop the Admissions office harassing people!

Ifcatshadthumbs · 06/11/2013 13:53

No point in speaking to the EWO if the attendance officer is employed by the school.

I would wait for the head to get back to you with her response and hopefully an apology.

Original poster

Tinklewinkle · 06/11/2013 13:54

I won't, I asked if I could contact them myself in a call-their-bluff kind of way, when she started with the "if you felt" stuff

I'll see what the head says once she's looked into it

OP posts:

BrianTheMole · 06/11/2013 13:57

Good for you op. I'd do the same.

moldingsunbeams · 06/11/2013 13:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lilacroses · 06/11/2013 13:58

Your response and assertiveness will be noted OP and you have probably helped lots of other parents that were due to be given similar treatment. Well done for standing up for your Dd and your self.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 06/11/2013 14:03

"If you felt" is no apology and is very passive aggressive. Not good form from the head. Must try harder.

Ledkr · 06/11/2013 14:08

Schools are so attendancd obsessed these days that its ridiculous.
Dd yr 7 gets severe migraines with partial blindness and vomiting.
The school policy is not to send them home if ill.
I told them in no uncertain terms that I'm to be contacted should she get one at school. I'm not comfortable with anyone but me deciding what happens to my child with such dubious symptoms!
They said they will call me but if not in sure they will regret it when she's sick on the floor.
Attendance is very important but kids get sick and that's that.

NoComet · 06/11/2013 14:09

I'm very glad you bothered to contact the HT and are following it up. Our at thence officer is lovely, which is just as well because DD2 managed to hurt her leg and miss four days being given the runaround by the medics. Rural minor injuries and chocolate teapots have a lot in common.

Knowing HTs and tendency to stand up for their staff, that's sadly as close to an apology as you are going to get and better than many.

The chasing of 100% attendance is getting utterly stupid and counter productive. Sending in exhausted unwell DCs simply to have them set home again is stupid. It spreads viruses and means that they are far more susceptible to the next thing that comes along.

As for the EWO, ours service is so short of cash, your far more likely to see a flying pig.

harticus · 06/11/2013 14:12

Glad you are on the way to getting it sorted OP and hope your daughter feels better soon. I'd be raging over the "if you felt" as well!

It is bollocks like this from schools that shoves me closer and closer to Home Ed-ing.

wannaBe · 06/11/2013 14:17

in fairness re "if you felt" the head wasn't there, she can't just accept a member of her staff was rude until she has investigated. The member of staff's attitude was unacceptable but the head needs to investigate this first before confirming or denying one way or the other.

Apologising to the op for feeling that x was rude is acknowledging her feelings without colluding in them as as yet she doesn't have both sides of the story.

DuckToWater · 06/11/2013 14:19

I'd be raging at the Attendance Officer, and suggest DD come in and cough all over him/her so she can experience the "minor" symptoms his/herself?

Letting your DD go into school may result in worse attendance all round, as other children catch the bug/virus.

Stupid school.

LEMisafucker · 06/11/2013 14:23

I would have told that person to do one!

DystopianReality · 06/11/2013 14:43

It might be worth mentioning to the governors when you speak to them (and I agree about the 'if you felt' comment from the HT, shame on her), that when they come up for Ofsted and the online survey from parents is circulated, the bit about 'Do you feel your child is cared for?' at school, and the comment about 'Do you feel you have good communication with staff members?', your experience today will vastly influence the positive percentage outcome.

They are so frightened about Ofsted that ANYTHING that jeopardises that will be flagged, just as they are worried about poor attendance, so they will be worried about parents' impression of the school and what impact that has. Just a thought.

sashh · 06/11/2013 15:26

Not much help now but

"Please send me a written summary of your medical qualifications and your reasons you feel better able than me to assess my daughter's health"

repeated calmly and over and over again.

Also it's not a cold, it is an upper respiratory infection, probably viral, and easily transmissible to others. You are currently taking universal precautions and that includes isolating her.

pointyfangs · 06/11/2013 15:32

Wow, that is shocking...

We've never had anything other than school admin wishing us a speedy recovery.

If you don't get any satisfaction from the Head I'd definitely pursue this, that's utterly unprofessional conduct by the AttendanceRuderyLady.

StillSlightlyCrumpled · 06/11/2013 15:38

I'm on your behalf OP.

Fwiw I hate the 'if you felt..' stuff too. Sometimes it isn't a matter of interpretation but fact. She was rude.

nennypops · 06/11/2013 16:34

Do follow up on the formal complaint: the only way to deal with women like this who are basically bullies is to turn the tables on them. She will deny that she was rude, but she still has to deal with the fact that in the circumstances you describe it wasn't necessary to phone you at all. As for that "It's just a cough" nonsense, she's definitely in the wrong job if she think that a cough is inevitably trivial.

Even if your complaint isn't upheld, you've marked her card. That should mean she'll be much more careful when she calls parents in future, because she'll know that if she does it again and the parent complains the school is much less likely to find in her favour second time around.

BeQuicksieorBeDead · 06/11/2013 17:00

I find the threat of the EWO hilarious - the EWO only gets involved in extreme cases of absence and lateness, they are stretched over many schools and have a totally unwieldy workload. Imagine if they had to visit children that dropped below 100% attendance...we would need an EWO for every class at my school if that was the case!

I am sure your local EWO team would be annoyed about this person threatening you with their involvement - they work in a supportive capacity to get children back into school. They are not like child catchers.

You were right to make a complaint about the admin person, totally out of order, even if she thought she was talking to someone else...hardly encouraging those parents to co-operate either is she?! The head has given you the standard response before they have investigated, they use terms like 'you feel' and 'it seems' because until they have checked out what happened, they can't be seen or heard to mistrust their staff. Look at it from a member of staff's point of view who has been unfairly accused of something, and the head immediately sounds like they are on the side of the accuser. Not great for staff morale. Also with some parents it would be around the playground in no time that the head had practically offered to sack the woman without investigating.

Hope your daughter is feeling better.

PatoBanton · 06/11/2013 17:23

Oh I had this with old HT, at ds' primary.

She said something about getting the EWO involved, (no reasons at all) and I actually rang them up myself, without telling her I was doing this and they had never heard of us and said it was plainly not an issue so I had nothing to worry about.

I said that I had contacted them and she shut up after that.

Pixel · 06/11/2013 17:51

We had a snotty letter threatening us with EWO and demanding to know where dd was on a certain date when she wasn't in school.

Luckily I knew exactly where she was on the only day she'd not been there. She was on a school trip!

Mylovelyboy · 06/11/2013 17:54

What a fukin cheek. Your her mother. You know if she is well enough to go to school or not. What is it with these people. You are right. Also I would complain to the Head Teacher. Hope shes better soon

Flip

1 2 3 4