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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to this woman?

54 replies

soapymac · 05/11/2013 22:49

Hey all, a little off the 'child' topic but hey...

I'm a single dad, got a 2 y/o little man, we're quite content with it just being us, it's how its been almost forever.

However, my friend introduced me to a really lovely girl, very pretty, my age, and I ended up agreeing to go for a few drinks with her, my friend, and a few others. Ended up walking her home that night as she was absolutely out of it, that was all, am not a big believer in 1 night stands, and as I said, she was extremely drunk, and that was that.

She text me the next morning expressing her displeasure at the fact that I had not come in etc, and I just told her exactly what I said above. She laughed it off, and asked if I'd like to meet up again for a drink or two. I said yeah, why not, and we went for a casual bite to eat and had a few drinks. Throughout our conversation that night, she just seemed... a bit too keen, I think is the way to put it. Immediately started asking about my son, when she could meet him, things like that, and it really put up a red flag for me.

Once again, walked her home, said goodnight, left it at that. She text me the next day asking when we're seeing each other again, suggested bringing DS along with me. I politely and gently suggested that perhaps we should just keep things at a friendly level. She then accused me of leading her on, and that I should 'give us time'. Hmm

AIBU here by backing off? I really don't feel like I've lead her on, but then, I've been told some women see it differently... I'm definitely not ready for another serious relationship, and I am very reluctant to start introducing my boy, particularly to someone that seems so keen to jump into something this quickly.

OP posts:
KerwhizzedMyself · 05/11/2013 22:50

YANBU. Why on earth would a child need to be introduced to someone so early? Red flag!

Strumpetron · 05/11/2013 22:51

You wouldn't be unreasonable at all and I think you've made the right decision! I don't think it's bad of her to ask about your son, but suggesting to meet him already Shock

pimplypoppet · 05/11/2013 22:51

Run a mile! You sound lovely and it sounds like you should trust your gut instinct.

ilovesooty · 05/11/2013 22:53

She sounds weird.

thistlelicker · 05/11/2013 22:53

Gents usually get stereotypes really bad about being too keen etc!

Nice to see you acting in a gentlemanly manor and thinking about you and your son!

Red flags with eager beaver !

DoubleLifeIsALifeOfSorts · 05/11/2013 22:54

Run!

InTheRedCorner · 05/11/2013 22:54

Yanbu too much to soon

Icelollycraving · 05/11/2013 22:55

Run,run like the wind!!

KatOD · 05/11/2013 22:55

Nope, from the info you've presented she doesn't sound like she's in the best place. Although this is obviously one side of the story.

From what you've said it's prob best to leave well alone, trust your instinct and keep your little family stable and happy.

Pimpf · 05/11/2013 22:58

Run!

TheFabulousIdiot · 05/11/2013 22:59

Not unreasonable. Tell her what you have said here... You are just not that into her.

diaimchlo · 05/11/2013 23:00

Totally agree with everyone here RUN for the hills!!!!!!

Quoteunquote · 05/11/2013 23:02

Trust your instincts, she sounds far too much of a rush to have given any of it, thought from anyone else point of view.

I was seeing my (now husband) secretly for almost a year (we kept it quite from everyone, before I introduced him to my son (nearly three, by the time they met )), as I want to be as sure as I could be, that I wasen't bringing anyone into his life that was likely to cause upset, twenty years later they still get on brilliantly.

AnandaTimeIn · 05/11/2013 23:02

She sounds like she's got red flags all over her....

Steer well clear!

FreudiansSlipper · 05/11/2013 23:04

you feel something is not right for a reason

far too needy and asking to see your ds so soon is a way to try and win you over to impress you

ignore her she will soon move on to someone else

elcranko · 05/11/2013 23:04

Sounds like you've definitely done the right thing by backing off.

MMcanny · 05/11/2013 23:06

She sounds scary - run!

HissyFucker · 05/11/2013 23:06

Run like the wind, and run some more!

Boardingblues · 05/11/2013 23:09

Bunny Boiler! Run away (and keep any pets indoors for a while Grin )!

Sparkletshirt · 05/11/2013 23:11

^

What they all said.

Ferguson · 05/11/2013 23:11

Well, I'm a dad also, but my 'little man' is now a BIG man aged 30 and over 6ft tall! (much taller than me!)

I agree that you are right to go very cautiously in a situation like this; it is unfortunate if she cannot just accept it as a pleasant social relationship, and enjoy an occasional 'date', at least for a few weeks or months. Her own situation (whether separated, 'dumped', looking for a 'meal ticket' or whatever) may explain her eagerness, I guess. Also, I think men and women do have very different views on things. I'm glad you enjoy your DS, and I hope this dilemma gets a satisfactory resolution.

ToastyStoat · 05/11/2013 23:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bofski14 · 05/11/2013 23:13

First red flag for me was when she texted you to say she was disappointed that you didn't go further when you walked her home. Whatever happened to romance? Lol. You seem to have your head screwed on. She seems to be pushing for far too much, far too soon. YANBU. You've definitely made the right choice.

rockybalboa · 05/11/2013 23:14

She sounds like a nutter, step away!!

pianodoodle · 05/11/2013 23:17

Definitely YANBU

Also if a man complained I'd been leading him on etc... after that length of time I'd probably cut contact altogether just to be on the safe side. I'd find it a bit threatening.

I wouldn't introduce them to my child either. Your instincts sound spot on to me!