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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to this woman?

54 replies

soapymac · 05/11/2013 22:49

Hey all, a little off the 'child' topic but hey...

I'm a single dad, got a 2 y/o little man, we're quite content with it just being us, it's how its been almost forever.

However, my friend introduced me to a really lovely girl, very pretty, my age, and I ended up agreeing to go for a few drinks with her, my friend, and a few others. Ended up walking her home that night as she was absolutely out of it, that was all, am not a big believer in 1 night stands, and as I said, she was extremely drunk, and that was that.

She text me the next morning expressing her displeasure at the fact that I had not come in etc, and I just told her exactly what I said above. She laughed it off, and asked if I'd like to meet up again for a drink or two. I said yeah, why not, and we went for a casual bite to eat and had a few drinks. Throughout our conversation that night, she just seemed... a bit too keen, I think is the way to put it. Immediately started asking about my son, when she could meet him, things like that, and it really put up a red flag for me.

Once again, walked her home, said goodnight, left it at that. She text me the next day asking when we're seeing each other again, suggested bringing DS along with me. I politely and gently suggested that perhaps we should just keep things at a friendly level. She then accused me of leading her on, and that I should 'give us time'. Hmm

AIBU here by backing off? I really don't feel like I've lead her on, but then, I've been told some women see it differently... I'm definitely not ready for another serious relationship, and I am very reluctant to start introducing my boy, particularly to someone that seems so keen to jump into something this quickly.

OP posts:
LadyVetinari · 05/11/2013 23:17

Disengage in a polite but very definite way, and then block her and ignore any further attempts at communication. Whatever you do, make sure that you don't do anything which could be misconstrued as encouragement: DH had a short relationship with a girl who started out like this, and it took years for her to give up!

You sound lovely, BTW - good on you Smile.

PrincessKitKat · 05/11/2013 23:23

On the first few dates people are generally on their best behaviour.

Between the drinking and her lack of understanding of boundaries... IMO she'd be nothing but drama.

WhereYouLeftIt · 05/11/2013 23:35

"I politely and gently suggested that perhaps we should just keep things at a friendly level. She then accused me of leading her on, and that I should 'give us time'. "
But from your description, there really is no 'us'; so the 'give us time' comment just makes her sound a teensy bit stalkerish delusional. Red flag, definitely.

YANBU to back away from this woman.

SunshineSuperNova · 05/11/2013 23:48

YANBU at all.

IneedAsockamnesty · 05/11/2013 23:52

Yanbu.

She thinks your looking for a substitute mother. Run away and don't stop

breatheslowly · 06/11/2013 00:02

YANBU. I guess that some women are really keen to settle down and have a family and you may well attract them as they can see that you've already got a son, so think you are just desperate for a woman to play happy families with. I suspect that you may attract more than your fair share of slightly crazed women over the next few years and will have to work hard not to become suspicious.

chitofftheshovel · 06/11/2013 00:27

too needy and high maintenance. life is too short to be going into that kind of relationship - which you don't want to anyway. To be honest i would tell her where to do one, and don't look back. It's all about embracing being single and the family relationship you have.

SomethingOnce · 06/11/2013 01:14

IME, people who are too much, too soon, are too much, ever.

YANBU - avoid!

LimitedEditionLady · 06/11/2013 18:14

She obviously doesnt understand the boundaries where children are involved,its all very nice to ask about him but to me not to invite him on a date.to me it should be you who says would you like to meet him when you decide.yeah naaaaaaa

Catnap26 · 06/11/2013 18:26

YANBU.im sure you know this but for gods sake don't introduce your son to anyone who you don't think is 'serious' and long term.i don't think you have led her on at all,she seemed a bit too full on to me.

AuntieStella · 06/11/2013 18:27

I don't think 2 dates before deciding that you're not interested counts as 'leading someone on'

I suggest that you don't see her again one-to-one and, if you like her enough to be friends, you'll be seeing enough of her in groups with the mutual friend.

LittlePeaPod · 06/11/2013 18:37

Run like the wind and don't even so much as look back,!!! Bunny boiler and potentially Klingon........

bellasuewow · 06/11/2013 19:39

Agree bunny boiler

YouTheCat · 06/11/2013 19:44

Get those running shoes on! Grin

CrapBag · 06/11/2013 19:45

Wow. Definitely NBU!!!

If I were single, it would be months before I introduced my kids to anyone. It really bugs me when people do it straight away, nothing comes of it, on to the next one, same pattern again. Very unsettling for children.

You have to right idea and sound lovely, run a mile from this loon!

FastWindow · 06/11/2013 19:48

Sorry, she's having a go because you didn't take advantage of her when she was trollied??! Mm classy.

katese11 · 06/11/2013 19:49

YABU for thinking that anything here could be considered "off topic" ;)

YANBU for running away from this woman. She sounds intense!!

PedantMarina · 06/11/2013 20:01

YANBU for being a man-shaped hole in the wall.

A little YABU for use of the term "girl", esp in a predominantly feminist forum. Just sayin'.

OHforDUCKScake · 06/11/2013 20:13

I had something very similar happen to me OP, its stil kind of happening in fact.

Im recently single and so not ready to date, but this dad at school asked me out. He seemed nice and being polite ai said yes even though I really didnt want to, luckily my son came out of school at that moment so I said I cant give him my number now, maybe next week.

2 days later this guy turned up and my house. Id never give him my address. He'd asked where I lived a few weeks before, I gave him the general area and he drove up and down til he saw my car and stopped. To give me his number apparently.

At the door it was clear I didnt want him to come in. He asked, I said my 2 year old is here and you're a strange man to him (I dont want the kids to meet anyone until Im in a relationship that will last the length) he said ' that doesnt matter' and asked me to make him a cup of tea!

A few weeks later I text him and said I wasnt ready to date, he said I was stunning and beautiful and he kept asking why not? Confused

A few weeks later my car broke down and I needed another, in passing conversation he asked where I was getting the new one and what it was. Straight after he went hom and text me that he was 'looking at it online right now'.

seriously? Stalking my car?!

I always attract the over keen, stalkery types I could list a load of weirdos who've done it, and its never flattering. Its actually quite scary.

OP the single life is over rated as far as Im concerned, this guy has put me right off!

temporarilyjerry · 06/11/2013 20:16

YANBU wrt this woman.

YABU to refer to your son as a "little man".

OHforDUCKScake · 06/11/2013 20:19

On second thoughts, looking up the OP's posts I think its all bullshit.

Anniegetyourgun · 06/11/2013 20:19

You met her with some friends, walked her home, and didn't take advantage of her drunkenness (quite right too, because besides being against the rules of decency it also happens to be against the law)
She sent you a text complaining (!) about it the next day and invited you for drinks
She then invited you for a second date with your toddler son Hmm

  • which you declined

I've got to ask, who exactly is supposed to be leading whom on here?

Hills >>> that way.

gemmal88 · 06/11/2013 20:25

She sounds hectic! I'd be miles in the other direction!

honeybunny14 · 06/11/2013 20:31

Yanbu you did the right thing

RubyrooUK · 06/11/2013 20:31

Okay, giving her the benefit of the doubt, maybe she is unused to dating someone with a child. So she thinks that rather than hanging back, getting to know you slowly, the best thing to do is be super into meeting your child straight away to "reassure" you that she is cool with it.

Anyway, it sounds like she probably isn't there at the same maturity level as you. Probably this won't be the relationship for you....

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