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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to this woman?

54 replies

soapymac · 05/11/2013 22:49

Hey all, a little off the 'child' topic but hey...

I'm a single dad, got a 2 y/o little man, we're quite content with it just being us, it's how its been almost forever.

However, my friend introduced me to a really lovely girl, very pretty, my age, and I ended up agreeing to go for a few drinks with her, my friend, and a few others. Ended up walking her home that night as she was absolutely out of it, that was all, am not a big believer in 1 night stands, and as I said, she was extremely drunk, and that was that.

She text me the next morning expressing her displeasure at the fact that I had not come in etc, and I just told her exactly what I said above. She laughed it off, and asked if I'd like to meet up again for a drink or two. I said yeah, why not, and we went for a casual bite to eat and had a few drinks. Throughout our conversation that night, she just seemed... a bit too keen, I think is the way to put it. Immediately started asking about my son, when she could meet him, things like that, and it really put up a red flag for me.

Once again, walked her home, said goodnight, left it at that. She text me the next day asking when we're seeing each other again, suggested bringing DS along with me. I politely and gently suggested that perhaps we should just keep things at a friendly level. She then accused me of leading her on, and that I should 'give us time'. Hmm

AIBU here by backing off? I really don't feel like I've lead her on, but then, I've been told some women see it differently... I'm definitely not ready for another serious relationship, and I am very reluctant to start introducing my boy, particularly to someone that seems so keen to jump into something this quickly.

OP posts:
bubalou · 06/11/2013 20:33

Let's say it how it is. She's crazy.

Back off and step away from the bunny boiler! I've known so many make friends that ignore the early warning signs and regret it later! Shock

SugarHut · 06/11/2013 20:39

Jeeeez. Give this poor woman a break!! I don't think she sounds necessarily right for you OP, but Christ alive, she's not a bunny boiling nutter!!

In all honesty? "Lovely girl" Tick. "Very pretty." Tick "My age" (doesn't really matter too much) Tick. Was this first night of group drinks a definite "date" situation for you? As I'd be quite unimpressed if I was going along to a blind date scenario (other people present or not) and the blind date got blind drunk. Black mark on her behalf there. Also, to then question why you didn't feel the need to sleep with her on a first date (even if she had been stone cold sober) is not the most attractive thing. Black mark. So first "date" not ideal, but she's not a nutter.

Then, after this, you both agree to go out for casual dinner. Tick. At this point, you've been rather well behaved, and she's probably feeling like a bit of a doofus for getting smashed and expecting you to come into her house. She then possibly over compensates by being over nice and over keen, as she probably does like you, and is trying to hard because she feel she let herself down on the first occasion. All the questions about DS? Is that her just trying to show you that she really potentially welcomes you both as a package? "I'd love to meet him." That's nice surely? "I'd love to meet him, it must be tomorrow." Entirely different. Does she have DC herself? I often find my childless friends are really keen to always let me know my DS is welcome all the time, they aren't trying to get in his face, and they probably would rather spend the time just with me, but they go totally overboard with making sure he is always welcome on any days out we plan. "I love kids, I'm great with kids" That kind of approach.

Maybe she just acknowledges that you have a DS and that it's not always easy to find someone to have him while you disappear out on dates, so she's letting you know that she would love to see you again, and if that happens to be sharing a coffee on a park bench while DS toddles about, then she's fine with that. I don't really see why that should provoke such a "run for the hills!!!!!" reaction. I think that's quite a nice thing for her to do. And I don't think it's some massive "introduce her to your child" step. I have a lot of male friends, we're always doing things with my DS. He loves it. That's very different to DS wandering into my room in the morning and finding some chap in my bed.

Is she jumping in? Or does she just really like you and want to spend more time getting to know you, and just trying (maybe a little too hard and it's not doing her any favours) to let you know that she welcomes your DS in any future relationship?

LittlePeaPod · 06/11/2013 22:41

SugarHut I applaud you for trying to show the Op the other prospective. But, even with your well thought through alternative explanation I have to admit I still think she sounds like a potentially "crazy, bunny boiling desperate Klingon".

Op you need to do a Usain Blot does a lighting bolt movement.

MusicalEndorphins · 07/11/2013 00:26

Run for the hills, I know I would.

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