To still feel disturbed about this nursery.

[MrsDrRanj]

This has been bugging me on and off for years, one of those things where I feel like I should 'do' something because it just doesn't settle in my mind well.

5 years ago, when I was 17, I got an apprenticeship at a nursery through a training course. I'd never had a job, hadn't finished school and was recovering from a breakdown so it was a big deal to me. I was naive and very nervous.

Things happened while I was there that now really bother me, especially as a parent who may have to find a nursery for ds one day.

There was an incident with 2 other apprentices having a shouting match infront of pre school children, including calling eachother 'slags' etc. they were not fired and parents were not informed.

The manager came into the room I worked in and loudly discussed the children's progress infront of them, including declaring that a little boys speech wasn't as it should be and she had suspicions he was colour blind (right infront of the little boy who was 3)

One man punished a preschool boy who suffered with constipation for having an accident by forcing him into a nappy that was too small for him. The boy was screaming and in the end there was poo everywhere including the little boys hair. Another member of staff came and shouted at him but nothing else was done. (I have recently read in the news that this man has now been convicted with voyeurism and possessing indecent images of children which made me go cold)

When I was invited on a work dinner out the leader of the preschool room spent a lot of the night doing impersonations of the children, including taking the piss out of a little girl for not understanding much when English was not her first language.

In general the nursery was badly managed, people were bitchy and mean, apprentices were left in charge when they shouldn't have been etc and thankfully I didn't stay there long. But it still bothers me. The nursery is still running and though there's a chance the staff may have moved on there could also be the same people working there.

The nursery had been rated 'outstanding' by ofsted and was part of a high end chain of nurseries. It has left me terrified of putting DS in nursery as id be devastated if any of the above situations involved my child. I feel awful for not doing anything at the time but I was so inexperienced.

Would you do something now? And if so what? I don't want it to bug me forever I just can't seem to shake it from my mind.

I reported the nursery where I had a placement as a nursing student.

They gave a vegetarian child Spaghetti Bolognase and gave all the babies 'blended chocolate roll' for pudding (BLENDED)- they told one mother that her son had received pureed pear (as requested by her) after his lunch- he hadnt had pureed pear at all- he was also in receipt of the bloody blended roll- he had awful excema and his mother didnt want him to have any sugars/additives in his diet.
The staff were awful- the owner was a tosser.

I cried everyday coming home.

I complained through the university- the owner had the audacity to say that I was complaining because I was a nursing student and thought that I was 'better' than the staff there.

Im not sure what happened after my complaint, although I did keep in touch with one member of staff (who was lovely) and she said that they had received a grade 4 (inadequate) Ofsted report.

My DC went to an awful nursery - I only realised once we had been there a year or so - then a fantastic one. I second/third the chipped paint/tatty furnishings - the second nursery was like this and was lovely, DC were so happy there. The staff clearly cared for the children and DC still visit them sometimes.

I think a problem with a review site would be litigation surely? - nursery no.1 has had threads pulled from here and the other place, as well as a local forum, and they write to and threaten parents who post on sites about them. They also post false "good" reviews to balance the shit ones whenever their name comes up. So any review site would need to be tamper-proof, completely anonymous, and lawyer-proof...

Thanks, Usually and Northern - I am really sorry if my question was naive and ignorant, which I think it was now I have read your reply.

My circumstances as a whole are not privileged in the slightest but in this respect, being a single parent, I am very grateful to be allowed to stay at home with my little one, well it may only be until he is 1 or maybe 2 but still it is a bonus.

I have not got much hope of finding a job later on, but still, I will deal with that when it arises.

I can totally see why you do what you do. Would the government forcing schools/employers to hold positions for women who become pregnant be helpful at all? I am trying to work out an idealist solution to the problem here.

Mrs DJ

I used to work for a very high end holiday company in their baby and toddler care. I was of course lovely to the little ones in my care . they even complimented me on it which I thought strange as surely everyone should be "good with kids" that work here!

I remeber thewomen were such fucking bitches, means to me, and even meaner to the kids. It also really upset me that the parents left their children inthis rather cruel ambience from 8am to often 7/8pm in the evening when they went ski-ing

these things stay with you,and I would never want to use a kids club on holiday

Nothing as bad as what you state, but still

report OP, definately. write a letter and send it

and not all nurseries are like this

For the few sharing scary stories about places they've worked and haven't clarified if it was resolved, did you actually do anything about it?

Somone in another forum commented that older staff is a good sign, my single data point seems to confirm this. DD moved to a second/better nursery, when picking up I noticed that most of the staff seem to be over 30, quite a few over 40. Previous nursery probably had a median staff age in the early twenties, with a handful of teenagers present. (There are specific reasons that with hindsight make us realise old nursery was not up-to-scratch, which I can't mention, as it would identify.)

Obviously I'm not saying young workers can't be good, just that a nursery where all the workers are young is a sign of low wages/bad morale.

I am not sure about young workers to be fair.

I think its down to personality whether you are the caring type or not.
Yes I can imagine lots of young ones standing round but equally, older staff can be more en trenched and less easy to handle.

Lots of young ones may feel it more necessary to toe the line.

Private nurseries are pretty awful. I would never use them!

Used one for a few sessions when had newborn. Dd (aged 2) hated it but stupidly I listened to the nurseries are marvellous brigade and sent her longer than I should have. I gave it 6 weeks should have followed my instincts. Last straw was on being told she was going one morning she ran into the corner of the room faced the wall and hit herself in distress . My dad did one drop off and still says it was one of his most upsetting experiences ever. Place was loud noisy I witnessed staff telling parents their dc had settled when I saw they had been crying all afternoon as I often had to stay there with dd. dd started pre school a year later small place, calm staff all intelligent over 40s not one problem.

kerala

its awful! my DS2 once went to Nursery and puked immediately,then another time he went and fell asleep! That told us all we needed to know (plus he cried hysterically)- he fucking HATED it

christ this thread is depressing

I worked in a nursery when I was sixteen. Very similiar horror story. I left and a few years later it was closed. I really didn't think my complaints would have been taken.serioysly due to.my age.

I agree, such a depressing thread. I think the prevailing culture in this country is wrong. It just isn't acceptable for parents to stay at home with their children, and the Government agree.

Yes, I actually feel very strongly about this.

It is a depressing thread but lets not fall into the trap of saying that all nurseries are awful.

The problem isn't that they are all bad. The problem is that there is no way to tell which are the bad ones, even when your child is attending them. Ofsted reports are just based on how good a show the setting can put on for an inspector. I've seen this happen too many times to be told that inspectors can see past the act. They can't.

Webcams are used in some settings but lots of owners reject the idea because the relationship with parents should be based on trust, for confidentiality reasons and because parents might misinterpret snapshots of situations they see on webcams, especially when there is no sound.

Review sites would raise litigation issues and be open to abuse by unscrupulous providers.

Ofsted provide Parentview for schools. Maybe we should all write to them and ask them to extend it to Early Years settings.

how do other countries manage I wonder? seems to be a combo of

cheaper childcare (S Europe)
parents and family (everywhere bar the UK I sometimes think)
shorter working hours (ditto)
better maternity provisions (Scandi, NL, Germany)
cheaper housing costs (varies , mainly S Europe)

The UK are screwed as you basically have to go back FT (or else be the top of that redundancy list) and then skint yourself and leave you LO in a nursery staffed by feral teens or paeds

GREAT!!!!!

'So my question is - would we, as mothers/parents, WANT to be allowed, or encouraged by the culture/government to stay at home with our children, or would we rather it was better facilitated that we hand childcare over to other people?'

I think parents should be given tax credit or other help towards EITHER staying home OR for childcare. Not push them towards only work. The work world isn't always compatible with caring for children/elderly etc. If your child is ill you should be able to stay with him/her, no questions asked kids should come first and it is horrible that many employers don't feel the same.

However i only realised I wanted to be a SAHM AFTER I had tried f/t work. It never occurred to me as an option before then. 'Doing well' was presented simply as meaning career wise or materially. But I hated leaving DD and she never settled. I decided to quit and have been a SAHM since DD2. We were far from well off but cut back and as we started as teenage parents we never built up a comfortable lifestyle or two income mortgage so things only got better in time as we started with nothing.

DD1's nursery (she was f/t) was great in itself. i think the difference was; they didn't take young babies-just toddlers upwards, they were all mothers themselves, they were all 35+, they were a non profit nursery. (I am not saying there are no good young or childless workers though!) I looked around a few nurseries at the time and most were awful. I know friends who have gone into childcare yet they weren't especially good with kids but they felt it was the only or an easy option (yeah right!)!! They also often gossip etc about families in the nursery (one has the child of a minor celebrity). I find it really unprofessional. I am sure most workers are not like this but it does put me off using daycare.

If I had to work now with a young child I would use a childminder although there are only 3 in my area i would trust with my DC (out of about 15).

Something should be done to urgently improve standards and job status of childcare workers.

The problem isn't that they are all bad. The problem is that there is no way to tell which are the bad ones, even when your child is attending them

Agree, this is why I decided that I wouldn't send my child to any care setting until they were able to speak and relay to me what goes on.

I had a dreadful experience in an NHS nursery a few years ago. It was attached to the trust I was working in and in he first visit my son was absolutely hysterical when I picked him up. I later discovered with my own eyes that the babies were just left to cry. It still makes my blood run cold.

He then went to a childminder who I ended up reporting to Ofsted for a myriad of reasons but the last pre-school nursery he was in two days a week was brilliant.

I've now got a nanny for my DD who the DCs love to pieces but it's taken 4 years to get to a point where I can go to work and not worry about the care they are receiving.

It seems to me childcare in this country is just pot luck.

I dont think nurseries can ever be a good childcare setting for babies, sorry but I cant get my head around it. I think CM are a far kinder environment

There are good and bad nurseries just as there are good and bad childminders and nannies. Generalisations are not helpful.

I know a CM whose car failed its MOT because of worn out brake discs but she continued carrying around other people's children in it. I don't see how that's 'kind'.

I dont think nurseries can ever be a good childcare setting for babies

I've been a childminder for 13 years and also worked in pre-schools and nurseries and I disagree with you.

I think it's easier for a childminder to form the close bond that babies need with their carers but this can also happen in good nurseries who truly understand the keyperson system and implement it properly.

There are benefits to using a childminder in that the relationships are more stable and the environment often quieter and more home-like but nurseries have other advantages, not least that there are other people around who can blow the whistle on practitioners who are unkind to children.

I worked in a nursery when I was sixteen. Very similiar horror story. I left and a few years later it was closed. I really didn't think my complaints would have been taken.serioysly due to.my age.

Age is not an excuse. Even if you don't think you will be taken seriously, you still report.

I'm shocked at how people see being 16/17 as an excuse for not reporting things. This surely means 16/17 year olds aren't responsible enough to care for children as a job if they can't even follow basic safeguarding type stuff.

Do you really not get why that would be difficult for a 16 year old to do?

Bear in mind also that most [I expect] of those saying they were young at the time are somewhat older now, things were very different back then.