Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that DSs teacher shouldn't really have said this?

70 replies

MrsFruitcake · 05/11/2013 06:46

DS (5.9) never wants to eat breakfast in the mornings, it's always a battle and some mornings he'll ask for rubbish like crisps or chocolate biscuit bars and when is told no, refuses anything at all. Sometimes (very occasionally) I can entice him with a banana or satsuma and most of the time I despair but have to let him get on with it because we are all in a rush and I'm not going to start letting him eat crap because it's all he says he wants.

Yesterday was one of the mornings where he was adamant he wasn't hungry and refused offers of crumpets, toast, fruit or cereal (and he chose the cereal himself in the supermarket).

He went to school having had no breakfast. Then he came home and said 'Miss P told me to tell you that I have to have breakfast every morning'.

I know he told her he hadn't eaten and probably made it sound worse than it actually is but even so, what a hugely judgy thing for her to say, don't you think? Or is it reasonable?

OP posts:
Blissx · 05/11/2013 06:49

It is reasonable I am afraid. It is an issue that your DS did not have breakfast and the teacher has a duty to make sure that the welfare of each pupil is considered. I would just agree with her, say "yes, you should have breakfast everyday, even your teacher says so" and use it to entice breakfast into your son. I really don't think she was being judgemental.

itsametaphordaddy · 05/11/2013 06:50

Perfectly reasonable imo. Try teaching a child who hasn't had breakfast. After break its particularly hard. I'm sure she was just saying the importance of breakfast rather than having a dig at you. Don't take it so personally.

bigTillyMint · 05/11/2013 06:52

Agree with Blissx - use it to your advantage!
In fact, thank her for telling him he should have breakfast, and get her to give him examples (of what you would like him to eat) of what would be a good breakfast. And get her to tell him that she will be checking with you whether he has eaten it.

Children tend to listen to what their teachers sayWink

RevengeWiggle · 05/11/2013 06:53

She's right, isn't she? You're reading into a subtext that isn't there.

DorisShutt · 05/11/2013 06:53

I'd speak to the teacher - not in an accusing way, but maybe to see if she can help; I'm thinking a lesson on healthy eating and why breakfast is important?

Then she knows that DS has this issue, you try to deal with it, but at the end of the day (unless you force feed him!) you can't make him eat.

I feel your pain though, DS is just 3 and doesn't eat cereal/toast/fruit. Luckily we've found he will eat yoghurt, so he's not going totally hungry.

cory · 05/11/2013 06:53

The teacher is the one who has to deal with pupils who cannot concentrate because they haven't eaten or who are hyper because they have eaten the wrong things. Unlike a parent she can't feed him halfway through the morning or just adjust the work of the morning to the fact that he hasn't eaten: she has to keep the whole show on the road.

Of course, you know that there was a reason and you could explain it to the teacher. I had a child exactly like this and in the end had to give up on breakfast altogether: eating at that time in the morning just makes dd throw up. I send her in without breakfast because it's the best I can do.

I'd have a friendly word and explain you're doing your best but that it's a bit of a struggle at the moment.

But expect teachers not to care- it's a bit like sending him in without his kit and expect them not to care about that.

CoffeeTea103 · 05/11/2013 06:53

She was definitely reasonable in saying so. How would she have known he hadn't had breakfast until your son actually said something to her? He might have actually made it sound even worse. Yabu.

SatinSandals · 05/11/2013 06:54

Perfectly reasonable. She wasn't having a dig at you, she was stating a fact to him. She is the one who puts up with the results.
Use it, tell him Mrs X says everyone must have breakfast- it may do the trick!

Lilacroses · 05/11/2013 06:54

What was the context of her comment though? It doesn't sound like she is aware of your difficulties in persuading him! Maybe this will do the trick, sometimes kids will do things just because the teacher has told them to.

thisusername123 · 05/11/2013 06:54

What about giving him a sandwich for break time.

Maybe send a note saying her refuses everything except sweets, she won't want him hyperactive from a sugar rush I shouldn't think.

My DH never eats breakfast, I eat as soon as I get up. Thinking about it I never ate the lunches at school as I didn't like them (apart from soup maybe twice a year!!) and I survived fine and did well.

vvviola · 05/11/2013 06:57

I think Doris has the right idea. Get the teacher onside & it might help persuade him to eat.

Mind you, I once got a very strongly worded note home from DD1's school after they had their medical (Belgian school, part of the way things are done there) telling me in no uncertain terms that she must eat breakfast. She ate a massive bowl of porridge and toast and jam every morning! Don't know what she was telling the school! (Is it possible your DS was 'blaming' you instead of himself for the lack of breakfast?)

Feenie · 05/11/2013 06:57

She is actually backing you up on this one and of course she should say it.

Have a chat to put her in the full picture and this could further help to encourage him.

SatinSandals · 05/11/2013 06:58

If a small child tells a teacher he hasn't had a breakfast the automatic response is to say 'you need to eat something or you will get very hungry'.

octopusinastringbag · 05/11/2013 07:04

Yes, she absolutely should have said it. You need to make sure that your child has had a healthy, nutritious breakfast. Mine would happily eat chocolate or crisps for breakfast. I buy porridge, therefore they eat porridge.

Crowler · 05/11/2013 07:07

She wasn't being unreasonable.

If he's asking for junk for breakfast, he must have an hunch that you may relent.

3bunnies · 05/11/2013 07:18

I can see why she said it but also if someone said that to ds I might be a bit annoyed. Ds generally refuses breakfast - I never make a big deal of it but tell him that he might be hungry later. He often doesn't eat much at lunch either but then eats lots later on. He has always been like this. I always give him a breakfast, I always give him a drink (have you tried ds on smoothies?). If he chooses not to eat it then that is down to him - I refuse to make food a battle ground, it's not healthy. Even when he went for an op and needed to have a big breakfast he still wouldn't eat much - even crisps. He is generally up 2 hrs before we have to leave so it isn't a time thing. I ask him what he wants and say that if he can't decide then it will be his usual (toasted fruit loaf and jam).

I would write a note 'for her records' that ds is always given breakfast but often refuses to eat it. If she can back you up in reinforcing the benefits of breakfast then that would be great but obviously you can't force him to eat. She may be concerned that it is a neglect/financial issue hence her message.

Original poster
MrsFruitcake · 05/11/2013 07:19

Crowler, no, I've never relented. He's just persistent. Grin

OP posts:
Breezy1985 · 05/11/2013 07:32

My DD went to school one day last year, and said she'd had no breakfast (she had) and the school phoned children's services on me, they didn't do anything but schools do take it seriously, they had to log it apparently because if she hadn't I was not parenting responsibly..

BlackeyedSusan · 05/11/2013 07:36

i would be annoyed too. there are timess when ds will just not eat/dress/drink/wee.. it is not like you aare not providing breakfast. I would write a note to the teacherr as 3 bunnies suggested to let the teacher know. when you are over the annoynce, use the statement from the teacher as a another persuasion to eat. sometimes I have spoon fed ds the first few spoonsful to get food into him, so that he becomes more reasonble and coopertive enough to eat. I have probably now jinxed it for this morning!

BlackholesAndRevelations · 05/11/2013 07:40

I agree, talk to her and explain the situation as she might think you're not even attempting to feed him breakfast! Then work together to try and persuade him to eat in the mornings. Or, as someone else suggested, a substantial snack for break time? Our key stage 1 are only allowed fruit but the rules can be bent for individuals with particular needs.

I personally wake up starving, as do my two dc, but their dad can easily go til 1 pm before eating!

Gileswithachainsaw · 05/11/2013 07:42

I think it was a bit premature saying something after one incident. However she is merely looking out for the children and as a PP said she can't be arising about feeding kids or adjusting the day to suit the hyper/sluggish kids.

Maybe tomorrow remind your Ds what the teacher said and hope he's listened to her.

Gileswithachainsaw · 05/11/2013 07:43

Arsing

nokidshere · 05/11/2013 07:44

My son is 12 now and I can count on one hand the number of times he has eaten before 10am in the morning. Everyone else in the house has breakfast but he just doesn't like to eat before mid morning.

He hasn't suffered, either academically or with behaviour problems. He just makes sure he has a nutritious snack for break time. I don't think I would have been upset if the teacher had told him something I have been telling him for years, I would have shrugged my shoulders and said" well, yes, that's what I have been telling you and she is right!"

stargirl1701 · 05/11/2013 07:48

I think she was right to say this.

I taught a wee boy who struggled with breakfast. It seemed to help if he had been awake for a whole before eating. Mum had let me know about the issue (I think you should do this) and I arranged for him to come in 10 minutes before the morning bell so he could eat something. It helped him and it helped me (because he was then readier for learning).

3xM · 05/11/2013 07:52

Do you sit and have breakfast with him? If not he might see you not having breakfast and think it is optional.

Swipe left for the next trending thread