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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that DSs teacher shouldn't really have said this?

70 replies

MrsFruitcake · 05/11/2013 06:46

DS (5.9) never wants to eat breakfast in the mornings, it's always a battle and some mornings he'll ask for rubbish like crisps or chocolate biscuit bars and when is told no, refuses anything at all. Sometimes (very occasionally) I can entice him with a banana or satsuma and most of the time I despair but have to let him get on with it because we are all in a rush and I'm not going to start letting him eat crap because it's all he says he wants.

Yesterday was one of the mornings where he was adamant he wasn't hungry and refused offers of crumpets, toast, fruit or cereal (and he chose the cereal himself in the supermarket).

He went to school having had no breakfast. Then he came home and said 'Miss P told me to tell you that I have to have breakfast every morning'.

I know he told her he hadn't eaten and probably made it sound worse than it actually is but even so, what a hugely judgy thing for her to say, don't you think? Or is it reasonable?

OP posts:

claraschu · 05/11/2013 07:59

The annoyance here came from the fact that the teacher said to: "Tell your MUM she has to GIVE you breakfast". I would ask the teacher to make sure she is telling HIM why it is important to eat before school.

I am sure the OP would have been pleased if that was the message her son was picking up from his teacher.

CoolaSchmoola · 05/11/2013 08:04

It's the phrasing that bothered me because it automatically assumes that the OP didn't give breakfast - 'Miss Please told me TO TELL YOU that I must have breakfast every day.'

The implication in that is that the teacher thinks the OP needs telling she MUST give breakfast - therefore assuming she hasn't bothered.

If ds had said 'Miss P says I must eat breakfast every day' then that would be fantastic but there IS judgement in 'to tell you' because the teacher has decided that the OP has chosen not to give breakfast.

I would be explaining to the teacher what was happening, and politely pointing out that it's not me as a parent who needs to be told he has to eat breakfast, but him.

3bunnies · 05/11/2013 08:05

My ds is still in nursery so it is easier to give messages but I have told them all that he often won't eat breakfast and so if he complains about being hungry then reinforce the breakfast message. From experience though he rarely complains about being hungry. His breakfast has been sitting out for over an hour now and still not touched even though he has seen everyone else eat. I just joke that he will make an excellent commuter - wakes early, just has a quick drink in the morning, loves trains and escalators!

SilverApples · 05/11/2013 08:08

Reasonable, now you have back up for your request that he eats breakfast.

AmberLeaf · 05/11/2013 08:09

It sounds from what she said that she thinks you aren't even bothering to give him anything, so I can see why you feel peeved at that.

I would speak to her and explain the situation, if she wants to help then maybe she could use her teacherly authority to impress upon him the importance of breakfast.

YANBU.

SilverApples · 05/11/2013 08:12

Well, to be fair, a number of parents don't bother to check their child has had breakfast. Even in primary.
I used to keep bread and jam at school for that reason.

JohnnyUtah · 05/11/2013 08:13

Don't go and talk to her about ut - it's no big deal and she has much better things to do. Use it to your advantage - remind DS in the morning that his teacher has said he must eat. It might help.

ProfYaffle · 05/11/2013 08:13

My dd1 was similar at the same age. By co-incidence the head did an assembly on the importance of breakfast and this was really useful because, like Bissx's approach, I could say "you have to have breakfast even Mr P agrees with me".

In your shoes I'd be irritated at the assumption I wasn't providing breakfast. I'd probably go in and see the teacher, explain the situation and get her on side in presenting a united front to your ds on the importance of breakfast.

AmberLeaf · 05/11/2013 08:16

I remember some years ago, my son observed that if children in his class said their tummy hurt they would be given a biscuit from the teachers cupboard.

So my son, despite having had a bowl of porridge for breakfast every day started to say his tummy hurt so he could get a biscuit.

MaryPoppinsBag · 05/11/2013 08:19

Have a word with his teacher.
If mine don't eat their breakfast, which is rare, I tell staff. And they usually say I will make sure I point him to the snack table early.

I've had children turn up to me as a CM without breakfast. I am careful not to dis their parents though. And just give them something. But that's easier for me to do. Not so easy in a school.

WooWooOwl · 05/11/2013 08:26

Perfectly reasonable for the teacher to say this. Use it to help you encourage ds to have something, it can help having someone other than Mum saying the same thing.

Fwiw, I feel your pain. I have a breakfast refuser too, the only thing that works is getting him up earlier.

LIZS · 05/11/2013 08:36

yabu . You have no idea what yarn he spun about missing breakfast and he may well have whinged he was hungry later or had poor concentration. How are teachers supposed to differentiate between those whose parents don't even offer breakfast or have food available , those who are in such a rush to get out of the door it is eaten on the hoof if at all or crisps bought on the way and those who offer but resign themselves to a child who won't have it.

stickysausages · 05/11/2013 08:37

Hopefully hearing it from his teacher will help persuade him!

Would he have a homemade smoothie or yoghurt drink? You're doing well to not allow junk!

What about wholemeal toast & nutella? Even just to get him into the habit.

I'm always starving when I wake up, but know many people like my mum who don't do breakfast!

pigletmania · 05/11/2013 08:46

The teacher was not wrong, she dies not knw your station. If your that concerned, I would tell the teacher what you have just saud on here.

pigletmania · 05/11/2013 08:49

I would talk to te teacher there is no harm, if this happens fatten ad he has too staff he has had no breakfast tey might think your not giving him breakfast!

intitgrand · 05/11/2013 08:50

yanbu- she should have said ' you must eat breakfast evertday' rather than tell your mum... which is patronising.
it is hard. i am with your ds I really can't stomach breakfast when I get up , and usually have something at about half past ten instead.

pigletmania · 05/11/2013 08:50

Happens often

bigbrick · 05/11/2013 08:51

MrsFruitcake - I'd have a word of thanks to the teacher & ask her to tell your ds he needs to have some cereal/bread/yogurt/fruit. He could have a chart that she ticks when he does this & you give a treat (non food) at the end of each week. I bet the teacher knows just how tough it can be in the mornings & will be happy to help. It takes the pressure off you as you can say to your ds that you have to do as his teacher says so he can have a small gift at the end of the week.

Sunnysummer · 05/11/2013 08:54

I think she's on your side - this may help you to get him to eat, and if not then I agree that you could even get her onside to help out

Sunnymeg · 05/11/2013 09:00

When DS was younger, he would sometimes refuse breakfast. I used to go in and tell his teacher if it was 'one of those mornings'. His teacher would back me up and tell him how important breakfast was.

mum23kidz · 05/11/2013 09:01

I think having a little chat to the teacher and explaining what is going on wouldn't be a bad idea. In the mean time, it's an issue that should be address. We don'tllow our kids to get dressed and ready for school until breakfast is eaten. Maybe try that?

valiumredhead · 05/11/2013 09:04

She was backing you up and telling him to eat breakfast not judging you!

thehorridestmumintheworld · 05/11/2013 09:10

Don't feel bad yourself OP even tho a lot have said the teacher was not BU. My dd never wants breakfast and it is difficult. Her natural breakfast time is about 10am. But she is getting better as she gets older and is used to having breakfast at the same time before school. As others have said you can use this to get him on the right track. Give him a small breakfast, have you considered a smoothie if he likes that? You could even make a batch of healthy muffins at the weekend if he likes those and keep them in the freezer. And he can have a breaktime snack they normally allow a healthy snack to be brought in.

BalloonSlayer · 05/11/2013 09:15

I would have the issue with your DS tbh.

I would say "Did you actually say to your teacher that you haven't had any breakfast, when I wanted you to have something but you wouldn't? And now you have come home saying 'teacher said to tell you...' as if your not eating is all MY fault?"

Then I would go in and explain to the teacher.

LayMeDown · 05/11/2013 09:18

TBH I wouldn't worry about him not eating breakfast. I never eat breakfast, and never have. Food makes me feel sick early in the morning. Everything tastes like cardboard to me. Just pack him a big lunch so he can have something at break time.
Explain to the teacher that he won't eat in the morning. There is not much more you can do.

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