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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that DSs teacher shouldn't really have said this?

70 replies

MrsFruitcake · 05/11/2013 06:46

DS (5.9) never wants to eat breakfast in the mornings, it's always a battle and some mornings he'll ask for rubbish like crisps or chocolate biscuit bars and when is told no, refuses anything at all. Sometimes (very occasionally) I can entice him with a banana or satsuma and most of the time I despair but have to let him get on with it because we are all in a rush and I'm not going to start letting him eat crap because it's all he says he wants.

Yesterday was one of the mornings where he was adamant he wasn't hungry and refused offers of crumpets, toast, fruit or cereal (and he chose the cereal himself in the supermarket).

He went to school having had no breakfast. Then he came home and said 'Miss P told me to tell you that I have to have breakfast every morning'.

I know he told her he hadn't eaten and probably made it sound worse than it actually is but even so, what a hugely judgy thing for her to say, don't you think? Or is it reasonable?

OP posts:

pudcat · 05/11/2013 09:20

Then he came home and said 'Miss P told me to tell you that I have to have breakfast every morning'.
Were those the exact words the teacher said? I can think of several scenarios for this. A PHSE lesson on healthy eating. or The teacher trying to back you up, thinking he might eat if she agreed with you. She may have just said "We should all eat breakfast" to the whole class. As a retired teacher I know I have said it many a time and no parent has ever complained that I was undermining their authority.
Hopefully you will be thanking her for helping you.

Scrounger · 05/11/2013 10:13

You, and other posters, may be reading too much in the phrasing, your DS may not be repeating it word for word but just repeating it in his own words. Or she may have phrased it more simply than she would if talking to an adult.

I would talk to the teacher, do they have snacks at morning break? Could he have something a bit more substantial then? It is something that is important for the teacher, as others have said before it impacts on their ability to learn. I don't mean that in a judgemental way, I sometimes have problems with getting mine to eat a breakfast and it is a balance between trying to get something in and not turning it into a battle.

Scrounger · 05/11/2013 10:14

Oops cross post

dalek · 05/11/2013 10:21

dd was like this and would never eat anything in the mornings despite my offering to even to bacon and eggs! In year 1 they were talking about breakfast and she told her teacher that that she didn't have breakfast as her mummy didn't have time to make it!

I used it to my advantage and said "see the teacher has told you how important it is and you had to lie as to why you don't have it". Since then she has always had something even if it's just a huge glass of milk or hot chocolate. She is 13 now.

The teacher is not having a go at you - hopefully she is just making your child see that he should try and eat something.

Good luck x

moldingsunbeams · 05/11/2013 11:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WowOoo · 05/11/2013 11:41

If he gets up earlier is he more likely to want breakfast? Mine aren't so hungry if we are pushed for time in the morning, but will eat a lot as long as they can wake up fully and then eat. I'm the same. I can't face anything first thing.

I think she was probably agreeing with you that breakfast is a good idea.
It's great you stick to your guns. I've been telling my 4 year old that he can't have chocolate for breakfast for 3 years and he still tries his luck!

posheroo · 05/11/2013 12:00

Reasonable But if you did it to 10 kids 3 of there parents would probably complain.,

AnnieJanuary · 05/11/2013 12:18

I'd prefer it if she told the child "You have to eat breakfast every day" rather than "Tell your mother to feed you breakfast." One is appreciating the kid is the one refusing, the other is accusatory.

irritablecommie · 05/11/2013 12:37

LayMeDown, this is a bit like somebody who hasn't yet died of smoking saying "it hasn't done me any harm" in terms of the quality of advice you're giving. There is a huge amount of research out their which overwhelmingly shows how important breakfast is, particularly for school children. You try being the person who has to teach kids who can't concentrate/fall asleep/get hyper because they haven't eaten, or haven't eaten properly in the morning.

LisaMed · 05/11/2013 12:42

DS had custard for breakfast this morning, so flame me.

You would not believe the 'dear heaven but there must be some nutrition in there somewhere' rubbish he has got through. However I believe that something is better than nothing to get him going for school. The school allow all sorts in lunchboxes, like chocolate biscuits and chocolate spread sandwiches (he doesn't get them, btw, but I know a lad who does) just so they have some calories to learn on in the afternoon.

btw ds is suffering from stonking cough/cold and thoroughly fed up. It isn't bad enough to keep him off but it's bad enough to get him out of the crap cereal we usually compromise on.

Would a sandwich or beans on toast work for him? How early does he get up? Would he rather get five minutes more sleep than eat?

LisaMed · 05/11/2013 12:44

Could you also try one of the gruesome breakfast bars, like the Rice Krispie bars? In with the sugar, fat and salt there are also some synthetic vitamins and minerals. It may be better than nothing?

I am also muttering about baking weetabix cake and seeing if he will eat that. I cut the sugar down anyway.

BrandybuckCurdlesnoot · 05/11/2013 13:04

I volunteer in a primary school and have heard the teacher tell a child the exact same thing in two different scenarios (I've said it to a child to). 1) when doing a class on healthy eating and explaining it is important to eat breakfast for a healthy diet and 2) when a child has been complaining at 9:30am that they are hungry and are struggling to concentrate. You know he is struggling eating breakfast so I can't see how you would be that surprised that someone has picked up onit, but I agree with the other posters who said this is a perfect opportunity to get the teacher onside by explaining you offer breakfast every morning but he refuses. She could talk to him then.

TokenGirl1 · 05/11/2013 14:09

My dd aged 4 has never really eaten much breakfast. However we can get smoothies and yoghurt down her so I at least feel like she's getting something. Have you tried a smoothie with him? Sometimes liquids go down better than solids....

toffeesponge · 05/11/2013 14:11

She is right but I can see that you maybe feel like she is telling you something you don't know.

SunshineMMum · 05/11/2013 14:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fakebook · 05/11/2013 14:19

YABU. It depends on how your DS told her he hadn't had breakfast. You should go in and have a little chat with her about how it's hard work trying to get him to eat in the morning. She may be able to bring it up as a small topic in class at circle time or something to discuss with their talking partners, so he learns that breakfast is important.
This is how I've been helped by the teacher with Dd's changing behaviour due to a new baby. They've discussed new brothers and sisters and responsibility at circle time and dd seems to have got through a really terrible phase of misbehaving.

IndiansOnTheRailroad · 05/11/2013 14:26

I never eat breakfast. Never have, can't imagine I ever will. Two of my kids are the same, the other one wouldn't dream of not eating breakfast. Some people just don't like it and don't need it.

mumofthemonsters808 · 05/11/2013 14:29

At least she is concerned, she'd have a field day with me because none of us eat breakfast. There is no desire whatsoever for food early morning from any of us. We all just have a drink.

CrohnicallyTired · 05/11/2013 16:02

Will he eat non-traditional or continental breakfast foods? Thinking yoghurt and fruit, homemade milkshakes/smoothies, cold meats and cheese. Failing that, would he eat dry cereal- cheerios are nice dry- on the way to school when he's been up a bit later? A lot of people have said they prefer to eat later, perhaps he'd be more amenable to eating just before 9 o'clock.

bundaberg · 05/11/2013 18:00

i don't think you are being unreasonable OP.

if a child refuses breakfast what are you supposed to do? force feed him?

i really struggle getting breakfast into one of mine. during the holidays he naturally gets hungry around 9.30/10ish, but before that he simply does not have the stomach for it.

DS1 once refused breakfast full stop (autism related meltdown) and when we got to school I did say to the teacher "he hasn't had breakfast, so can you make sure he has his snack"
her reply?... "would you like us to get him some toast?"

now that's a good response lol

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