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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be absolutely incandescent with my bloody aunt.

78 replies

TheWanderingUterus · 04/11/2013 21:51

My aunt has always been a selfish, self-absorbed woman, the world has to revolve around her. I have not had as much contact with her since she behaved appallingly at my wedding, but my mother has kept in more regular contact because of my grandmother who was ailing and needed support.

My grandmother died ten days ago. My mum went to her house to find it looking like it had been burgled. All drawers turned out, books pulled off shelves, all photo albums removed, all jewellery taken, all files and paperwork taken. My grandmother had a little tin of mementos, nothing expensive, just things that meant a lot to her, reminded her of the good times. That tin was upended onto the bed and raked through, then left there. Photos of my step grandpa (not my mum/aunts father but the man who was married to and adored my grandmother and her children/grandchildren for twenty years. We adored him too, he was a sweet and gentle man who treated us with so much love) who died fifteen years ago had been carefully picked out of the albums and discarded on the floor.

It was my aunt.

She has also taken the will.

This woman is a multimillionaire.

And the best bit? She went straight there from her dead mother's hospital bed.

My mother is in tears and is saying that this is the end of their relationship.

I don't think I can forgive this, AIBU.

OP posts:
Whocansay · 04/11/2013 21:53

Your grandmother's solicitor should have a copy of the will, so you should be able to salvage the situation to some degree.

But no, YANBU and your aunt is despicable.

footballagain · 04/11/2013 21:56

No, you are not being unreasonable.

I'm sorry for your loss.

harticus · 04/11/2013 21:57

I am so sorry to hear of your Grandmother's death - what a terrible thing your Aunt has done.
YANBU to think that this behaviour is beyond the pale. I'd see her in hell before I had anything more to do with her.

Stealmysunshine · 04/11/2013 21:58

That is awful. Your aunt is a total bitch for doing that.

So sorry for your loss.

BabyMummy29 · 04/11/2013 21:58

What a dreadful woman. Some things are unforgiveable and I wouldn't blame your mum for having nothing more to do with her.

Forget all the "blood is thicker than water" crap - as I have found out to my cost.

Finola1step · 04/11/2013 21:58

No YANBU. All I can say is that grief can do strange things to people. For tonight and the next few days, please try to look after yourself and your mum. I'm really sorry for your loss.

AndyMurraysBalls · 04/11/2013 21:59

She sounds a right classy bird.

Support your mother and cut all ties with the witch.

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit · 04/11/2013 21:59

She isn't allowed to just take things from the house until the estate is settled. I'd be calling the police and reporting a break in. What an utter utter cow, your poor mum. Sorry about your Grandmother.

Doinmummy · 04/11/2013 22:00

I'm so sorry. What an awful thing to do. Will you be able to speak to your aunt or do you think it's not worth it?

I guess that someone who can be so heartless isn't going to listen to reason .

DramaAlpaca · 04/11/2013 22:00

YANBU. What an despicable way to behave. She sounds like a complete and utter vulture.

So sorry for your loss Flowers

Preciousbane · 04/11/2013 22:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Strumpetron · 04/11/2013 22:01

Sorry about your loss OP.

OP the exact same thing happened to us. My aunt ransacked the house and took everything. The stuff they didn't want - treasured items I would have loved - we're took to charity shops. It breaks my heart to this day thinking about it.

YANBU at all and she is awful.

paxtecum · 04/11/2013 22:03

YADDDDNBU.
What an awful woman.
Presumably she was looking for cash that your GM may have had hidden round the house.

Have you had the funeral yet?
Will she want to be involved in the arrangements?

Best wishes to you and your DM.

SanityClause · 04/11/2013 22:05

This is theft.

The items do not belong to your aunt, but to the estate.

Perhaps call 101 to check, but I do think you could report this to the police.

YesterdayI · 04/11/2013 22:05

You might want to post on Money Saving Experts forum on deaths, probate and wills. There is a lot of traffic and a lot of knowledgable people.

(No offence to the lovely helpful MN'ers ) Thanks

PurpleRayne · 04/11/2013 22:06

Police.

YesterdayI · 04/11/2013 22:07

I forgot to add that I am sorry to hear about your grandmother Thanks

TwoTearsInABucket · 04/11/2013 22:07

DH's aunt did similar when her mum died.
Unbelievable. I don't believe that that behaviour is linked to grief in any way.
Supporting your mum is really important right now, and yourself.
My deepest sympathy for your loss Thanks

AndHarry · 04/11/2013 22:08

How low can you get? Disgraceful.

Oddsocksrus · 04/11/2013 22:09

I am so sorry for your loss and also what an absolute arse your aunt is!

contact the solicitors, they will have a copy of the will and any specific bequests will be listed. It is safe to assume that they were in the house before she entered it and if they now belong to someone else you are correct in calling a thief and thief and speaking to the police.

We had the same thing when my dad's uncle died, a large amount of valuable (in £'s and memories) items went missing the day after the funeral. These have occasionally been seen in both uncle's houses, around the neck of an Aunt… it has changed the family relationship forever.

I know this is horribly emotional but stand up to her and use the solicitor!

Mondaybaby · 04/11/2013 22:10

So sorry for your loss. Yes- agree with other posters who say report to the police.

Amandine29 · 04/11/2013 22:13

My grandmother's sister did pretty much the exact same thing after their father's death. My grandmother never spoke to her again. I don't know what you can do about it but it is unfortunately more common than you would imagine.

Topseyt · 04/11/2013 22:18

I am sorry to hear of the loss of your Grandmother.

I am also sorry to hear of your aunt's behaviour, which is disgusting and totally disrespectful. I too would be inclined to inform the police via the 101 number. It could well be considered theft. The will has not even been read yet so all items, however large or small, belong in the estate and will not be distributed until everything is settled.

She sounds very presumptious. One to steer clear of as soon as you can.

Manchesterhistorygirl · 04/11/2013 22:18

No you are not being unreasonable! I'm so sorry for your loss.

My father in law died many years ago whilst we were on holiday, we couldn't get back earlier than planned and in those four days the house had been stripped of valuables. So I completely understand why you are so cross, I still am after all these years.

TheWanderingUterus · 04/11/2013 22:20

Thank you all for your condolences, my grandmother was 95 and just slipped away in her sleep, which is a comfort at this point in time. She had a very full and happy life and her funeral will be very well attended, she will be laid to rest with my beloved step-grandfather.

I am on my Ipad so can't see posts while I am replying but will do my best.

I will tell my mum about the legal side of the matter, but at the moment she doesn't want to think about it. I may take it further if she doesn't want to.

She didn't take anything of sentimental value which is a relief.

My aunt has planned the funeral completely, is doing all of the readings and is paying for everything. She has already said that my brother is not allowed in the funeral cars she paid for as he had the audacity to tell her off (quietly and without swearing) at my wedding for her behaviour. Which was ten years ago and caused him also to be written out of her will. She does not take criticism well.

I don't think I can speak to her. I have avoided contact with her for a few years and when we are at the same functions I have always been busy with the kids so she stays away ( she loathes kids).

This is the latest in the long line of atrocious behaviour on her behalf.

My uncle is also furious and also talking about cutting her out but she has been less unpleasant to him over the years.

OP posts: