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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect exH to read/do homework with dd?

64 replies

FigRolls · 04/11/2013 13:37

When exH has 6 year old dd for contact, he returns her at 5 p.m. On a Sunday. He returns her lunchbox unemptied/uncleaned and though he looks in her book bag he doesn't do her homework with her, practise her spellings with her, listen to her reading books, research topics etc. I have a younger child too and to get all this done between 5 and bedtime is proving impossible. AIBU to think he should do these things on his weekend? Or if he's apparently incapable then he should return her earlier?

OP posts:
mumof5plusazoo · 04/11/2013 14:00

Yanbu.
I'm not sure how you get him to change though. Trying to be nice though I take it you have talked to him and asked him to do it? Maybe he doesn't realise/think it has to be done for Monday iykwim?
Good luck

Original poster
FigRolls · 04/11/2013 14:04

The homework clearly states on it it's for Monday and I've asked him to ensure its all done but he says they don't have time. Dd does have time to watch up to six films per weekend though...

OP posts:
fliss02 · 04/11/2013 14:05

You're absolutely not being unreasonable. He should definitely do these things with your dd. Have you mentioned this to him before? It's not fair on you but also not fair on your dd. Having to do homework last thing on the weekend isn't fun for anyone. It's too much pressure. If he really isn't capable of helping his daughter with his homework then he should definitely return her earlier. I hope he is able to see sense on this.

fliss02 · 04/11/2013 14:06

Sorry, wrote my post before seeing your reply. So you have talked to him about it before. Have you told him he'll have to bring dd back to you earlier in that case?

TheRobberBride · 04/11/2013 14:09

YANBU. Of course he should do her homework with her. Does he know he should do these things? Have you made it clear he needs to?

I think you need to have a word with him and check whether it's an oversight or whether he just CBA.

Perhaps a note from the teaching reiterating how important her homework is would help?

Ultimately, if he refuses to help her then there's not much you can do about it apart from pick up the slack. Which sucks I know.

Gileswithachainsaw · 04/11/2013 14:09

Yanbu. He should be just as responsible for helping her with her education as you. However if your dd can't do her homework in fifteen twenty mins before bath and bed then tbh I would say she has too much!!!

livinginwonderland · 04/11/2013 14:11

I don't think a 6 year old should be getting or doing any homework.

Gileswithachainsaw · 04/11/2013 14:14

I don't either living this is the 3rd homework thread today I've said that on :)

The xh should help but no way should it take so long as the mum can't do it between tea and bath.

TheRobberBride · 04/11/2013 14:15

Sorry. Crossed posts with you OP.

Agree he should definitely help. Have another word with him. See if her class teacher will write a note for you.

Is he likely to agree to an earlier drop off so she can do homework?

Unfortunately, the bottom line is that you cannot force him to do anything while your DD is in his care. He should obviously. But if doesn't, you will have to manage homework as best you can during the week.

FortyDoorsToNowhere · 04/11/2013 14:16

Cut the contact on a Sunday short, say 4pm instead of 5 explaining to your ex you are not doing it out of spite, but it's to make sure homework is done. Unless he does the homework with her then keep the contact the same.

kim147 · 04/11/2013 14:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dancergirl · 04/11/2013 14:21

I don't think a 6 year old should be getting or doing any homework

That's not helpful! So the OP's child shouldn't do her homework because you disagree with it??

Original poster
FigRolls · 04/11/2013 14:22

She had 10 spellings to practise (already practised with me all week so just needed to double check for Monday), two reading books (I'd spoken to teacher about her current level being too easy so she gave her two more difficult ones to try to see if she could move up) and a numeracy sheet which took 20 mins plus research for this weeks topic. Not much over a weekend but loads when she returns considering she's half asleep from an hours car journey watching a film, he's usually 20-30 mins late, she then takes half hour to wake up properly and then after tea she's tired but needs to do all that work, plus have a bath, plus I have her one year old sibling to look after.

OP posts:
BruthasTortoise · 04/11/2013 14:22

YANBU but YABU if you're actually expecting him to do it. Somehow many (not all!) NRP feel that their time is to precious to "waste" with boring stuff like homework and discipline and baths and clearing out lunch boxes and ya know actual parenting. I'm a resident SM and in the ten years I have been so my DSC's mum has never once done a homework or emptied a lunchbox. My DH has just accepted it now and we plan round it accordingly.

Original poster
FigRolls · 04/11/2013 14:25

Even if he was meant to return her at 4 though, he'd still be late, she'd still be half asleep, it'd still take up all of the evening getting it done and me badgering her when it could be done easily over the course of the weekend.

OP posts:
Dancergirl · 04/11/2013 14:26

OP, when is the homework given out?

My dd is also 6, Year 2 and homework is given out on Friday but not due till Thursday so nearly a week to do it. I wouldn't like it being given on a Friday and due in on Monday! That's going to make it stressful for anyone.

Original poster
FigRolls · 04/11/2013 14:27

Bruthas - I actually wouldn't mind too much if they'd had a busy fun weekend but all she can remember she's done when she returns is watch films and eat chocolate so saying there wasn't time is crap.

OP posts:
Original poster
FigRolls · 04/11/2013 14:29

She has a week for spellings, homework is given out Friday for Monday and reading books are changed on Fridays.

OP posts:
Dancergirl · 04/11/2013 14:29

OP, maybe that's what your dd wanted to do with her dad? It doesn't always have to be outings, sometimes children just want to relax with their mum or dad, especially a parent she hasn't seen all week.

Is this actually about the homework or do you disapprove what they get up to?

Original poster
FigRolls · 04/11/2013 14:30

It's only short homework but takes twice as long when she's tired.

OP posts:
Dancergirl · 04/11/2013 14:30

Well in that case I would speak to the school and see if they can revise the timing of the homework. Who wants to spend their weekend doing homework with their child?

Gileswithachainsaw · 04/11/2013 14:31

all she can remember she's done when she returns is watch films and eat chocolate so saying there wasn't time is crap.

But that's what weekends are for.

To not get dressed eat sweets and watch crap on tv. Don't under estimate the value of doing nothing.

As an aside could be pick her up Saturday morning instead? What about asking school if these things can be handed in in a Tuesday or Wednesday. She can't be the only kid at her dads or grand parents over the weekend.

Original poster
FigRolls · 04/11/2013 14:32

He could see her in the week if he wanted to, Dancer, he chooses not to. Films and chocolate is all dd does there (alone, in her room) so yes, I do disapprove tbh.

OP posts:
Dancergirl · 04/11/2013 14:33

So it's only the homework that's urgent, the reading books and spellings can wait till during the week.

I agree, ask the teacher if she can hand it on Tuesday.

Dancergirl · 04/11/2013 14:34

Alone in her room?? Well that changes everything. I had images of her cuddling up with her dad watching films together.

What does he do when she's watching films?

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