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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect exH to read/do homework with dd?

64 replies

FigRolls · 04/11/2013 13:37

When exH has 6 year old dd for contact, he returns her at 5 p.m. On a Sunday. He returns her lunchbox unemptied/uncleaned and though he looks in her book bag he doesn't do her homework with her, practise her spellings with her, listen to her reading books, research topics etc. I have a younger child too and to get all this done between 5 and bedtime is proving impossible. AIBU to think he should do these things on his weekend? Or if he's apparently incapable then he should return her earlier?

OP posts:
kim147 · 04/11/2013 14:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
FigRolls · 04/11/2013 14:36

Dancer 'who wants to spend their weekend doing homework' isn't a great attitude! There's only going to be more as she gets older, should she forever be excused from it because her dad can't be arsed to get her to do it?

Giles, it may be what your weekends are for but dd doesn't enjoy it. That's the problem. She likes swimming, the cinema, walking, painting etc - not being shut away.

OP posts:
Original poster
FigRolls · 04/11/2013 14:37

Spelling test is on Monday so can't wait, as is reading book changeover.

OP posts:
morethanpotatoprints · 04/11/2013 14:38

I think YABU

You both obviously have different opinions about homework. Some parents don't see it as important or necessary, including me.
Children need to enjoy themselves and if this is the only time with her dad they want fun.
You said yourself that you do homework with her throughout the week. That is plenty and she doesn't need to do more at weekend.
Why are you trying to move her up, get her harder work, just let her be.

Gileswithachainsaw · 04/11/2013 14:39

Well of she's shut away doing nothing and hates it why do you send her?

The home works the least of your worries if that's te situation tbh.

Can you not change the arrangement at all?

Original poster
FigRolls · 04/11/2013 14:39

He does his hobbies, Dancer, or watches TV in his room or has friends over.

Kim - precisely, I shouldn't be the only responsible one.

OP posts:
kim147 · 04/11/2013 14:40

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Dancergirl · 04/11/2013 14:40

It's different when they're older, they manage homework independently. Homework for a 6 year old should be just a gentle introduction to doing work at home and schools should be reasonable about the timing of it.

Like I said, at our school, homework is given out on Friday and handed in the following Thursday. So you have the option of doing it over the weekend, or during the week.

I think just giving the weekend for doing it is a bit unreasonable, suppose you go away for the weekend or to grandparents or whatever?

And no, I don't want to spend weekends doing homework with my 6 year old dd. That doesn't mean I'm not a committed parent when it comes to homework, but for us weekends are family time. Dd gets her homework done in good time for Thursday.

Can you speak to the teacher?

kim147 · 04/11/2013 14:41

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Original poster
FigRolls · 04/11/2013 14:41

Because he's her father, Giles, she's 6 and doesn't have a choice.

Potato prints - she wants to do her homework, I'm hardly going to tell her not to bother am I?

OP posts:
Dancergirl · 04/11/2013 14:43

And yes of course he 'should' be committed to helping dd with her homework just as much as you.

But it sounds like if he's so indifferent to her being there in the first place and doesn't seem to be doing much with her, I'm not sure what you'll be able to do about it I'm afraid.

Sorry.

kim147 · 04/11/2013 14:44

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Dancergirl · 04/11/2013 14:44

So you need a practical solution as it doesn't sound like you can rely on your ex.

ilovepowerhoop · 04/11/2013 14:45

ours never have homework at the weekends- weekends are family time not school work time. I'd ask the school of she can have extra time at the weekends that she is with her dad then. Ours have homework monday to thursday and I would be a bit pissed off if they got stuff to do at the weekend too

kim147 · 04/11/2013 14:45

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Original poster
FigRolls · 04/11/2013 14:46

Dancer - the amount of work she has would take 30 mins when she's in the right mood. Easy to do over the weekend even if busy or away. But when she returns on a Sunday it takes at least three times as long. The teacher is aware but dd doesn't want to feel singled out if she's the only one who hasn't done her homework/can't swap her reading book.

OP posts:
Gileswithachainsaw · 04/11/2013 14:50

So what if he's her dad. That's a title that's earnt not given just because he provided half the ingredients required.

From the circumstances you describe, there's more here than just the homework. She should not be shut away all day in her room. If she hates it that much and he's not actively participating in anything he needs to be doing then there just be something that can be done?

When u first posted about eating chocolate and watching films I like dancer assumed it was together, like a duvet/cinema day which sounds lovely and a lot of kids would like. However , you posted afterwards saying she's in her room. Well no one should have to put up with that at 6 and if that's always that case and he's that useless then there must be something that can be done about it.

I do think it sounds like school are issuing too much, and as I said before other kids will be at grand parents , invokes, NRPs for weekends so she will not be the only one struggling to fit it in , you may find others have said something too and they may revise the schedule to allow for that.

Gileswithachainsaw · 04/11/2013 14:51

Invokes? Ffs iPhone- uncles

Original poster
FigRolls · 04/11/2013 14:52

Giles - she survives hence it's seen as 'good enough' parenting and so nothing can be done about it.

OP posts:
Gileswithachainsaw · 04/11/2013 14:54

So that's the requirement is it? That the children return breathing and that's enough :(

Now that's something that would piss me off more than homework :(

Original poster
FigRolls · 04/11/2013 14:56

I know, it's disgusting. I guess I just have to be grateful he doesn't have her 50:50.

OP posts:
Dancergirl · 04/11/2013 15:05

OP, that's very sad if that's what he's like, it doesn't sound like he's going to change.

Does dd enjoy going there? Would she like to spend more time actually with her dad rather than watching films alone?

Could you suggest you pick her up earlier, say Sunday early afternoon?

PukingCat · 04/11/2013 15:15

I don't get the attitude of non resident parents of not wanting to waste the time doing homework. Homework can be a good way of bonding, spending time together chatting, laughing and learning and keeping up to date with how your child is developing and getting on at school.

What parent wouldn't want to do that? (disclaimer - admittedly when you have to do it everyday it can be nuisance to try and fit in with tired children. But once a week?!)

Op. Are you saying he leaves her alone in her room watching films for most of the time she is there? That's neglect!

fliss02 · 04/11/2013 15:23

Wow, 'alone in her room' , that's seriously crap. I assumed they were at least watching the films together. I wouldn't be happy about that either.

I agree that asking the teacher to change the hand in day makes a lot of sense.

FortyDoorsToNowhere · 04/11/2013 16:41

Have you addressed that with your ex about her being alone in her room all weekend.

Is this every weekend.