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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be completely unsympathetic to my SIL's grief over the 'loss' of her beloved dog?

97 replies

WestieMamma · 04/11/2013 12:16

We've had 2 weeks of endless sadness over their 'loss'. Pictures posted on facebook, comments about how their little family will never be the same. How much he is missed. How their hearts are breaking. Endless streams of sympathy from friends and relatives and supportive comments about how he's 'gone to a better place'. Today she's been all 'now I know how you felt when your 15 year old Westie died a few months ago'. It's actually make me have thoughts of hitting her over the head with a jumbone.

Before you all tell me I'm an evil, unsympathetic cow. They got rid of the dog because they have had a baby 'couldn't give him what he needed'.

OP posts:

Chusband · 04/11/2013 12:18

They got rid of him as in had him put down or as in had him rehomed?

Original poster

WestieMamma · 04/11/2013 12:19

Rehomed him.

OP posts:

CrazyOldCatLady · 04/11/2013 12:20

YABU. It can't have been an easy decision.

nicename · 04/11/2013 12:20

They got rid of the dog and are grieving? If that's the most of their worries and stresses, they should count themselves lucky.

TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 04/11/2013 12:21

God, I thought you meant the dog had died! And even then it would have totally OTT. People who give their dog away when they have a baby are behaving horribly, anyway, unless said dog might be a danger to the baby. No sympathy here!

MammaTJ · 04/11/2013 12:21

I would have to make some comment along the lines of 'I'm sure the people who re-homed him for you wouldn't mind a visit'. That puts it out there that she gave it away, rather than the dog died, but also comes across as understanding and sympathetic!

Twitterqueen · 04/11/2013 12:21

I was about to tell you that you are evil unsympathetic cow . However, I stand corrected..

I'm glad they're so upset. Perhaps they'll think a bit more deeply in future about the responsibilities of dog ownership.

BrianTheMole · 04/11/2013 12:23

Maybe the dog wasn't safe around children. It doesn't mean they weren't allowed to be sad about rehoming the dog.

Primrose123 · 04/11/2013 12:24

I was going to say that YABU, as I thought her dog had died. However, the fact that she has rehomed her dog because she had a baby tells me that the dog was not that important to her.

When I had my 2 children, we had dogs, and I would never have dreamed of 'getting rid' of them.

YADNBU.

Fakebook · 04/11/2013 12:25

So the dog isn't dead? ...yanbu. What a weirdo.

Gileswithachainsaw · 04/11/2013 12:26

Perhaps if they got off face book they'd have had time for him?

Depends really. It's a brave decision to admit you can't give your dog the home he needs and of course you should be sympathetic as he was family.

However id be very cross if he was just re homed through laziness as opposed to having done their best but struggling.

Why did they rehome?

Greensleeves · 04/11/2013 12:29

I think you are being mean.

I'm not a dog lover myself (or rather I am not a shit-in-the-streets lover) but when we came back from a weekend away and our cat was missing I was so upset I could hardly breathe. We really do love her. If they made the decision because they thought it was best for their dog/baby, but didn't really want to let him go, then sadness is understandable. The 2 weeks of facebook grief may seem OTT, but I have a lovely, wonderful friend who was so distressed when one of her guinea pigs died she and her dd took the day off and spent it baking and crying together. There are worse things in the world than people loving their pets too much!

Original poster

WestieMamma · 04/11/2013 12:53

To be fair to them, I have a new baby too and there's no way I'd have their dog in my house now. Although I dog sat quite a lot before baby. The dog is the friendliest, best natured dog I've met. But he's completely untrained and unexercised. They fell in love with the young dalamation in the rescue and brought him home to a 2 bed house, with no enclosed garden, no recall training (so on lead always) and no on lead training (so only short walks as they're a nightmare). So naturally the dog runs round the house, jumping over stair gates and furniture with ease, like his breakfast has been spiked with coffee.

I used to give them lots of advice about how to deal with him but they weren't interested. They wanted an instant 'cure' so spent a small fortune on hormones, remedies and tranquilisers instead.

OP posts:

squoosh · 04/11/2013 12:56

They tranquilised the dog?

Poor mutt is better off without them.

YANBU.

Gileswithachainsaw · 04/11/2013 12:57

So on fairness had they put some work in then they would t have had a problem

That's the part that would make me and cross.

I would be sympathetic to someone who had genuine reasons despite training etc. I hope he got a good home.

FortyDoorsToNowhere · 04/11/2013 12:57

It sounds like it was the best descion for the dog.

IHATEMYBITS · 04/11/2013 12:57

YANBU. They had a choice to keep the dog but decided they couldn't be arsed, by the sounds of it and are now pretending to care.Actions speak louder than words.This sort of thing really grinds my gears.

Greydog · 04/11/2013 12:58

In that case the dog is better off in a new home - I hope! Too many peole take on animals without any thought, and then throw them away because they aren't perfect. Makes me fear for any possible children

MammaTJ · 04/11/2013 12:59

Still a situation of their own making then, although I do understand the upset.

I got a beautiful kitten when he was old enough to leave his mum. He was never ill treated, the children were young but never left alone with him. He turned out to be a tiger in disguise and kept attacking the children, (and me, but that didn't matter so much). We had him 'done' at 6 months, hoping that would calm him. I even got an animal behaviourist round to see if she could suggest anything. One of the worst attacks on me not only left claw marks and bite mark but big bruises too.

We had to rehome him, but I was upset about it. No endless facebook posts though.

squoosh · 04/11/2013 13:00

If I was them I'd be shamefacedly keeping a low profile, not showing off to the world that I couldn't be bothered training my dog and ditched it rather than remedy the situation.

Original poster

WestieMamma · 04/11/2013 13:00

'Tranquilised' might be the wrong word. They got medication from the vet to help with his 'anxiety' which calmed him down so much he was practically comatose.

OP posts:

Gileswithachainsaw · 04/11/2013 13:02

I can't believe a vet would prescribe medication when even basic ideas like training so he could get some proper exercise hadn't been tried.

Original poster

WestieMamma · 04/11/2013 13:05

I do think the dog will be better off in his new home. They put a notice up in the local vets surgery and it was one of the vets who wanted to take him. I know the guy, his wife runs a kennels from their home. They have an enclosed paddock where all the dogs get to run riot and their land backs onto an endless forest with miles and miles of footpaths. I suspect my dogs may be a bit jealous.

OP posts:

Original poster

WestieMamma · 04/11/2013 13:06

I couldn't believe it either Giles. I suspect they were less than forthcoming.

OP posts:

Gileswithachainsaw · 04/11/2013 13:10

Sounds like he's landed on his feet :)

I can see why you wouldn't be sympathetic now tbh. Like I said before obviously in some situations it's the best thing no matter how hard owners tried. Part of being a responsible pet owner is providing a suitable environment even if it's not you that provides it.

But such careless pet ownership would drive me crazy. I see it through "friends" on fave book myself. People trying to get rid of kittens get them nuetered you idiots or because the kids sick. Well don't blame the dog for the kids asthma when every photo you post has a full ash tray in the back ground grrr. I thought rescue shelters home checked?

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