to be completely unsympathetic to my SIL's grief over the 'loss' of her beloved dog?

[WestieMamma]

We've had 2 weeks of endless sadness over their 'loss'. Pictures posted on facebook, comments about how their little family will never be the same. How much he is missed. How their hearts are breaking. Endless streams of sympathy from friends and relatives and supportive comments about how he's 'gone to a better place'. Today she's been all 'now I know how you felt when your 15 year old Westie died a few months ago'. It's actually make me have thoughts of hitting her over the head with a jumbone.

Before you all tell me I'm an evil, unsympathetic cow. They got rid of the dog because they have had a baby 'couldn't give him what he needed'.

I suspect that the 'grief' is in fact guilt and the constant seeking out comfort is appeasement of that guilt.

I'm very sceptical of such public displays. Its playing to an audience. When my friend had no choice but to rehome her dog I honestly feared for her health, she was devastated.

Hardly anyone knew, she just couldn't bring herself to tell people. Having to rehome a loved animal is awful, she alternated between grief and shame, because she felt so guilty that she'd let her dog down.

There are loads of circumstances where retiming is the best possible solution for all concerned- I just don't get this Mumsnet thing of rehoming being an awful thing to do.

The pets were all got years after the DX. Why would you get more pets when you already had I re home a family of kittens. You just wouldn't would you.

I understand rehomkng due to medical issues. God knows that must be heartbreaking but come on, you wouldn't get another pet after that would you?

Or you would at the very least spend some time with cats or dogs to check your dc were ok.

I honestly don't see how rehoming a grand total of 7 animals as a result of "allergies" can be seen as anything but irresponsible. And yes I only know what I see on FB but when the photos of Saturday might events are posted followed by a "anyone want a cat/kittens/puppy" status it makes you a bit and

waits for latest pet status

I'm not against rehoming. For many it's the right thing. But if you read the ols posts, they got a puppy, didn't train, it didn't get enough exercise and they wondered why it was bonkers. Then resorted to sedating the poor thing rather than do what any other person would have done.

TRAINED the dog.

Of course a new home was what was needed but that doesn't detract from the fact they were idiots plain and simple.

I feel sorry for the poor dog! Hopefully his next home will bother to train and exercise him and not ditch him when something better comes along .

I absolutely have sympathy for people grieving for pets that have died or run away (cats mainly) or had to be put to sleep. Even if they had worked hard with the dog but couldn't trust him to be around the child (obv not alone but unable to be in the same room with supervision), I could be sympathetic. My stepsister had to rehome one of her dogs after she had her son because he growled and tried to bite her. He never had the chance to go for the baby but it was the right decision.

But I have no sympathy for idiots who got a dog that didn't suit their lifestyle (Dalmatians need a lot of training and exercise!) and rather than adapt their lifestyle they drugged the dog instead. No training or time invested. Of course he wouldn't be safe around a baby! But that's the owners fault not the dogs.

Giles. It is really disheartening if people are repeatedly getting different animals and them rehoming them. It is irresponsible and unfair to both the children and the animals. I just meant it can't be extended out to all situations. I wasn't allergic to cats as a child; I developed an allergy later. So it is possible that somebody could already own a pet and be okay for years and then become very ill.

I would understand that freya :)

To me pets are family though and I would try all methods I could, twice daily hoovering. Grooming regularly, keeping hair as short as possible, not allowing in bedrooms etc

Firstly I would spend time with the animal I wanted to get to ensure that they were ok.i could not rehome an animal without trying other things first.

To me it's not so much the rehoming. I know that is the right thing to do in many cases. And I believe it to be the kindest most selfless thing that can be done. It's the lack of thought that annoys me. The "if it doesn't work out we just get rid" attitude.

Gosh - harsh. I rehomed my dog, I won't go into the reasons but my life changed beyond recognition and I couldn't give my beautiful little dog the life she deserved. The decision was agonising and for months afterwards it broke my heart! I didn't go on about it over Facebook because I thought people would laugh at me but I really was VERY upset!

I thought YWBU..because I assumed it was dead.

but no yanbu.

Poor dog.

Your SIL is an idiot.

Can totally understand people not being able to cope with a dog and a baby for whatever reason although I have been able to on numerous occasions but I would not be actively broadcasting the fact that I'd given the dog away!!! Why would she want that sort of attention!!

I have no sympathy for people who get rid of animals just because they have a baby. It is one of the shitest excuses to ditch a 'beloved' pet I ever hear.

Our first Dalmatian was a rehome due to new baby dog and guess what he's been absolutely fine with my pregnancy, birth, living with a baby and now a toddler.

I can never understand people who get dogs and then do f all training. Why bother getting a dog in the fist place? Hopefully he's ended up with a better, knowledgable home and loving family

"I have no sympathy for people who get rid of animals just because they have a baby. It is one of the shitest excuses to ditch a 'beloved' pet I ever hear."

Rehoming is not ditching. We are currently looking after a dog because her family just can't cope with him and small children and jobs and everything. They got him pre children. They were fine with him and one child-but not with two. I see nothing wrong with accepting that they are unable to give him the home they want for him and finding him people that can.

My goidness yur SIL sounds like an attention seeking princess. She gave away te dog because she coud nave him as she had not put the effort in. Now is trying to gain sympathy from people. Next time she writes a comment, just say that you could always visit him, I'm sure he would live that!

Love tat I meant

curlew dogs are not disposable and this 'its ok we can just get rid' society irritates me. There are not endless homes waiting for dogs who are unfortunate enough to end up with people who can't cope. Perhaps parents should think about whether they are going to have children before they get a dog.

We have 4 dogs (Dalmatians), 2 puppies (Dalmatian and Chinese crested), 6 horses, 1 cat, far too many chickens and one toddler. I would do absolutely everything possible to make it work before rehoming even entered my head.

I feel quite sad reading this thread.

Your sister has had to make a very difficult decision. I'd be crushed if the issues my (rescue) dog has meant I had to rehome him now I'm expecting. We're working on the issues he has. He came from an abusive and neglectful home, but the shelter were very careful to keep a few key facts from us...namely that he can't be trusted near other dogs. We've been working on this for 2 years and he's improved greatly but we still wouldn't trust him near another dog without a muzzle. If his aggression was directed at people, no amount of work with the dog would make me trust him around my child. Luckily he loves children...though I've still invested in baby gates for every door in the house so the baby and dog are never alone in the same room.

Your sister's dog may have issues of her making, but her not knowing how to go about fixing them doesn't mean she didn't want to and wasn't planning to. If he is a particularly unpredictable dog and he'd be getting less attention than he needed, then she's made a heart breaking but necessary decision.

Chances are it's affecting her so much because she knows she could have done better for the dog.

Yes, you may be getting irritated at seeing her upset on facebook. But luckily for her, there are people supporting her there even if her own sister prefers to act as though she's not allowed to be upset.

It makes me so mad when people don't look after their dogs properly.

They aren't toys! They need real work, attention, love, walking and training!

We have 2 jr crosses age 9 & 6. One was born deaf so is a nightmare to train and is all white so naturally crazy on nature and the other one suffers from anxiety and is epileptic! Our poor deaf one has also just been diagnosed with non Hodgkin's lymphoma last month and is going through chemo.

This is all ALOT of hard work, money and effort that we pay for their correct food, insurance, special medications, training and not to mention time.

We would never get rid of them. Not unless absolutely all other options had been tried.

So sorry about your westie. They should be more sympathetic.

I was going to add " you hard hearted cow" but they got rid of him ??

Unless the dog had developed a serious dislike of the child to the point it was dangerous, then they deserve to feel miserable and they don't deserve your sympathy. Although the dog might. I hope he's gone to a better home.

"curlew dogs are not disposable and this 'its ok we can just get rid' society irritates me."

No, dogs are not disposable. And yes "it's OK we can just get rid" is a hideous attitude.

What's that got to do with rehoming a dog that you just can't cope with?

What's that got to do with rehoming a dog that you just can't cope with?

You should do your research on the breed and its requirements. Or even just learn about dogs in general before embarking on what should be a life long commitment. It reads like they never did their research, saw a pretty dog with cute little spots and that was it job done. It's why I don't sell our pups to certain people...

The people we rescued our dog from made out he'd be a complete nightmare with a baby (they'd just had a baby). He's been nothing but fab with ds, couldn't have asked for a better dog to say he was completely untrained when we got him but then we know the breed and were willing to put the time, energy and money into turning him into a well trained, highly loveable family pet (which is what anyone wanting a dog should do). Certainly wouldn't part with him or any of the others when we have another dc.

Say something like 'try to find comfort in knowing you have done the right thing. His new owners will look after him. I hear they haven't had to use tranquilisers on him at all now he is trained and regularly exercised xx'

Poor dog. I don't even like dogs, but I'm on the dog's side entirely here. it sounds like they didn't treat him well. All the over the top grief when they failed to take good care of him and then re-homed him would have me fuming too. I'd say something polite on Facebook about how you can always visit him in his new home (I realize this was already suggested up-thread, but I'm suggesting it again).

I'm not saying re-homing is never, ever an option. Sometimes it is, and in this particular case the dog's probably better off with owners who will treat him better, but it still pisses me off.

We got our two cats from a rescue. The lady who'd owned them before was leaving an abusive marriage, and had to go into a shelter with her kids. Then they managed to find a place to live, but the landlord wouldn't allow pets. Sometimes re-homing involves sad stories like that. Other times it involves people being selfish jerks.