Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wonder if I should 'report' this parent, but could stop her chances of fostering

94 replies

Darttotheheart · 03/11/2013 20:14

Warning long and a little complex.

I have a DD9 with SN - social and communication disorder. She experienced bulling for quite a long time at her precious school, one of the girls involved was an adopted child with a parent who felt she could do no wrong. The girl would basically Chinese burn my DD's arm every day and had on one occasion strangled my little girl. I had been into school about this but was basically fobbed off and told my DD was exaggerating this and other incidents.
( A cahms nurse did an observation and actually confirmed the bulling plus my daughter being used as a scape goat by the teacher for any problems in the class and my DD is now at a different school)

However in the summer term before I moved her, this parent shouted at my daughter as we were in the school car park, asking her what the hell she had done to her dd. I asked her not to shout at my daughter and if she had any problems to speak to me or school. She also told my daughter to 'shut her gob' when my dd said she hadn't done anything and had no idea what the lady was talking about. School and some great friends did deal with this, and the woman apologised eventually. I gave permission for school to tell her my daughter had a SN and my friends also told the woman that my daughter had lost her farther recently. My DD was extremely upset at some strange woman shouting at her for no reason.

I hoped by moving school we would avoid this toxic woman as well as the bulling but as we live in a village it has not been 100% possible.

My DD went into the local shop and this woman was in the there and in a sneary voice asked if she liked her new school and had she made any friends. My DD looked her straight in the eye and said 'Its non of your business' and walked out. Rude, but to be honest as far as I was concerned understandable. We have since avoided the shop.

Then last week we were in Tesco's and while I was doing the self check out DD went to change a t shirt in the clothing section. She came back and said I saw MRS XXX over there. I said did you and she just went quite - not wanting to make a drama I did not ask any more. The next day my DD told me that the the woman had told her to 'Fuck of you little bitch'

Now I know INBU to be appalled at this woman, but DD and I have talked it through and she is ok .

However I have been told by a friend this woman is going before the fostering panel next week and the though of her having vulnerable and possible SN children in her care is not sitting well with me. She has shouted at someone else's child without even knowing both sides of the story, and even when told my DD was vulnerable chose to swear at her again.

I happen to know one of the lead SW's who advise the panel - do I 'report' what's happened and possibly ruin her fostering career or just step away?

OP posts:
BillyBanter · 03/11/2013 21:19

I'd report it. It's then up to them what to do with the info. If you don't then they don't have the chance to decide if it is relevant or not.

TheHouseonHauntedHill · 03/11/2013 21:20

Report.

She sounds like she has lots of issues and she should not be in charge of vulnerable children.

Darttotheheart · 03/11/2013 21:21

Words, my DD was rude in the shop but says she didn't say anything to the woman in tescos.

OP posts:
bimbabirba · 03/11/2013 21:22

I understand, but you can't let a grown up intimidate your DD like that. If you report her she will know that her actions have consequences and will think twice before being bullish to your DD.

TheHouseonHauntedHill · 03/11/2013 21:23

Worrel why does it matter if ops DD said anything

The child could strip naked and shout fuck off you nasty bullying cow, but that still would not warrant this lady telling ops DD to fuck off.

Its quite clear she feels ops dd has got the better of her.

bimbabirba · 03/11/2013 21:23

Out of interest, what started all this?

Nerfmother · 03/11/2013 21:24

Bullying at school: not the fault of this woman, and dealt with poorly by the school.
Incident in car park: one off ?
Shop: were you there or is that your dds version, and even so what can you report? A question asked in a tone you objected to.
Tesco: your dd tells you a woman said something but you didn't witness it.
I'm not sure exactly what you could report, and anything should be above board and formally done. I would be horrified if decisions were influenced by an unofficial quiet word, and hope they can't be.
Sorry op, sounds like you don't like each other but I can't see real verifiable concerns here.

TheHouseonHauntedHill · 03/11/2013 21:25

I also do not think your DD was being rude in the shop, she was standing up for herself and telling the truth that it was non of this ladies business who clearly does not wish her well and was one of the reasons causig her having to move school>

WorraLiberty · 03/11/2013 21:26

TheHouseonHauntedHill

I didn't say it mattered did I?

In fact I made it plain that I was asking out of interest.

Darttotheheart · 03/11/2013 21:26

It started when I think her dd said that my DD has done somthing to her in school and instead of talking to the teacher the woman decided to shout across the car park at my daughter.

OP posts:
Darttotheheart · 03/11/2013 21:28

Need - her daughter was one of the children bulling my daughter.

OP posts:
Darttotheheart · 03/11/2013 21:29

I was just outside the shop and heard the woman and her tone of voice.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 03/11/2013 21:30

How can you say a 9yr old telling an adult it's non of their business, when asked how they're getting on at their new school, is not rude? Confused

I'm not sticking up for this woman in any way shape or form.

I'm just wondering what leg her to tell a child to shut her gob and then call her a fucking little bitch...that's all.

Either way, report it to your SW friend OP but be prepared for you and your DD to have to make statements as I'm guessing that would be the outcome, if the complaints are to be taken seriously.

WorraLiberty · 03/11/2013 21:30

*led

bimbabirba · 03/11/2013 21:31

Well all you can do is say to your friend that this adult seems to really despise your DD for no apparent reason and reportedly told your DD to fuck off when you were not present.
It's a very difficult situation and I really feel for you OP

bimbabirba · 03/11/2013 21:33

Also as she's already an adoptive parent, I doubt that the reporting would stop her chances of fostering.

FortyDoorsToNowhere · 03/11/2013 21:33

Report her.

pigletmania · 03/11/2013 21:39

I would report her, you anthers have witnessed this incredibly aggressive and bullying behaviour, she does notsou d like tgeright person who shoud be caring for vulnerable Chidren with SN

Darttotheheart · 03/11/2013 21:40

Worse- my daughter was standing up for herself and if you missed it she has a social and communication disorder, so she said what she though and does not have the sophistication to brush this woman off.

OP posts:
TheHouseonHauntedHill · 03/11/2013 21:43

YES worrel I know but I am still wondering why you are wondering.

This is a grown lady dealing with a SN child.

Justforlaughs · 03/11/2013 21:45

I would expect any prospective fostering parent to have to go through screening, and that must involve school records, surely? I would have to say something if I knew for a fact that someone was that vindictive towards any child.

Darttotheheart · 03/11/2013 21:46

In fact Worra - you are just reminding me of the victim blaming shit teachers that we have moved away from.

OP posts:
TheHouseonHauntedHill · 03/11/2013 21:47

This woman has shouted, shouted at a a small child across a car park then told this child to shut her gob.

So this woman shouts at a child across a car park, tells this child who has recently lost her father AND has had to move school, and this bully asks her if she has made any friends. Knowing, she was the target of bullies, one of which was her own dd, and you could say her as well, and all ops DD says is...

"Its non of your business".

I have to say if this was my DD I think this lady may have got a few more choice words off me TBH.

I am just not seeing your reasoning here worrel. Confused

WorraLiberty · 03/11/2013 22:00

Just curious...as I've already said.

Or is no-one allowed to ask anyone anything at all? Confused

I've already said there's no excuse for it and that I'm not sticking up for the woman.

Just wondered what led up to the outbursts but don't let that stop your little agenda.

edam · 03/11/2013 22:10

'It's none of your business' is a perfectly reasonable thing for the dd in question to say to a hostile adult who is questioning her. Children are not obliged to placate nasty people who are sneering at them.