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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How soon would you expect to hear from a very close family member about a new baby?

84 replies

Thurlow · 02/11/2013 21:23

Genuinely unsure if anyone is being unreasonable (and the situation has the potential to spiral) here so would like the MN jury to help.

If a very close family member i.e. sister/in-law, brother/in-law had a baby (say DC4), and given mobile phones and the ease of sending a text or email even if it's not a phone call, how soon would you expect to hear the news? Or alternatively, how soon did you send a some sort of message to parents, in-laws, siblings, best friends etc?

OP posts:
everlong · 02/11/2013 21:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Floralnomad · 02/11/2013 21:26

I would expect to be told within an hour or so of the birth ,assuming no problems with mum/ baby .

Unplastered · 02/11/2013 21:26

I've only got 1 DC. DH knew straight away, obviously :-) he then phoned the grandparents, etc, while I was being stitched, so within a couple of hours.

ladymalfoy · 02/11/2013 21:27

Could be all sorts of reasons why there is a delay in telling you. Maybe they want time to themselves before the polite demands to see the baby begin.
Does it matter if it's number four? Don't they get to decide when to tell people?

Annunziata · 02/11/2013 21:27

Depends on time of birth and health of mum and baby. If everything goes well, within about 12 hours I think.

littleoaktree · 02/11/2013 21:27

I called my dm and dsis straight away (well 5-10mins after Grin and sent a text to close family/friends within 1-2hours of both dc1 and dc2 but then I had v straightforward quick births.

My dsis doesn't have dc yet but with close friends I've heard within a day and that's about what I'd expect I guess - either from the new mum if she's up to it or the new dad if she's not.

Trixybelle · 02/11/2013 21:27

Parents/in laws within the hour. They told siblings, extended family. 8 hours for my friends as I gave birth at midnight, by the time I was in recovery and had a bit of sleep it was probably 8am I called/text.

headlesslambrini · 02/11/2013 21:27

We told immediate family within the hour, especially my Dad who was worrying about me.

AngelsLieToKeepControl · 02/11/2013 21:28

Whenever they were ready. I spent a couple of days in a bubble of just dh and I and our baby with my dc. I loved it.

RandomMess · 02/11/2013 21:28

Depends in our family - what time they were delivered (mainly middle of the night) - grandparents told and then news filtered out to others.

If you're not hugely close then it could take a couple of days?

mummybare · 02/11/2013 21:28

Agree, within a day or so. Siblings had to wait a few hours as DH couldn't get through to the DILs and we wanted to do it in the right order Grin - but we let them know within a few hours.

Floralnomad · 02/11/2013 21:28

Also assuming its not the middle of the night ,in which case I'd expect a text by 9/10 ish in the morning .

Smartiepants79 · 02/11/2013 21:29

Within 24 hours if you usually have a good/close family relationship.
However, it can be a very stressful and overwhelming time. For the sake of continuing family harmony I would try not to make too big a deal about it.

stargirl1701 · 02/11/2013 21:29

Depends on the circs. If mum or baby poorly then I would expect only the grandparents would be contacted.

IwishIwasmoreorganised · 02/11/2013 21:29

Within the day. Possibly the next day if it was a home birth and they just want a bit of time alone to start with.

Beastofburden · 02/11/2013 21:30

24 hours family, 3 days close friends.

superzero · 02/11/2013 21:30

I texted everyone in the recovery room after each of my c-sections,so within 2 hours of delivery, and have heard from most of my friends/sisters within the same kind of time frame after their deliveries

Alisvolatpropiis · 02/11/2013 21:30

Within the day I suppose.

Why are you asking though? Has there been a delay which is making you concerned all is not well?

strruglingoldteach · 02/11/2013 21:31

With both DDs we had called/texted within a couple of hours- basically as soon as I was showered, had fed the baby and had some tea.

If I were the relative, I'd expect to hear the same day, or by about lunchtime if it were an evening/night birth.

OHforDUCKScake · 02/11/2013 21:31

Well the Dad knew instantly Wink

But DC2 was born at 3am, I assumed Dp(at the time) was going to text my mum but he didnt Hmm so I messaged her at 9am, and the my friend at 12pm she passed on my news.

invicta · 02/11/2013 21:34

Within 24 hours. Maybe longer if there are concerns about the baby/mother.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 02/11/2013 21:36

Took two hours as I haemorrhaged. You can't assume anything!

Badvoc · 02/11/2013 21:36

As long as mum and baby were ok and no complications within 12 hours.

nobutreally · 02/11/2013 21:39

Honestly? As long as I found out somehow, I wouldn't give a stuff whether it was the parents who told me or I heard in another way. I think when my BIL had his pfb I knew through our PIL - I dont think they actually told us themselves. Which was totally fine. I would expect family to manage the filtering of news out, so that the parents could focus on their lovely new baby

IIrc, we only told grandparents directly - everyone else heard on grapevine/when we got round to fb post (prob about 4 days after for our pfb, who was prem so knocking in & out of scbu)

Original poster
Thurlow · 02/11/2013 21:40

Thank you. No problems with the birth, mum and baby both fine. I mentioned it wasn't first baby in case people thought there was a difference with PFB's, looking after other DC etc.

Baby was born late yesterday evening. Parents (grandparents) only found out by a call this evening from the dad. No text this morning or anything. I haven't had a text or call yet (only sibling). Parents bit worried/upset that the call they had came very soon after my mum had called his work to ask how SIL was as it's nearly the due date - sibling has bad mobile signal in their home village, so mum tends to call very briefly at work to see if they'll be free to take a proper call that evening - and was told he was on paternity leave. They worried/upset that the call they got was because colleague had contacted them to say parents had called and were a bit shocked to hear he was on paternity leave already.

It's a complicated situation, so I really don't know what to think and don't want to overreact. Interesting to hear most people would tell quite soon. I was wondering if I was biased, I also texted and called everyone from the recovery room!

OP posts: