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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I am so angry with dh over this silly thing. Aibu (and over reacting)?

59 replies

MoveYourArmsLikeHenry · 02/11/2013 00:29

I have a huge, terrifying fear of inclosed spaces, being in situations where I cant see properly etc. Earlier on I was wearing my hoodie with the hood up (yes I am weird) and dh thought it would be funny to pull the strings together so that the top of my hood fell over my eyes and sort of closed in. It was ok at first, I didnt feel scared because I knew I could just pull the hood off. I laughed along for a min but then began to feel a bit freaked out so tugged at the hood to pull it off. It wouldnt budge- dh had tied the fucking strings together!

A full on melt down occured, with me frantically pulling at the strings, which of course only made the knot tighter. I was in complete panic mode, crying, screaming, swearing and feeling utterly distressed. Dh tried to untie the strings but it wasnt happening. By this point I thought I was going to pass out (not exaggerating, I actually began to hyper ventilate) so dh grabbed the scissors and cut me free.

I was in a right state. Dh tried to calm me down and said he didnt mean to tie the strings so tight, but apparently it didnt turn into a knot until I started pulling at them! I was really shook up and must have been loud because my baby ds woke up and screamed.

I am so angry with dh. He knows I have this fear and cant understand why he would do something like that. He has apologised and said it was a joke that went wrong.Yes i know he didnt mean to upset me but l didnt find it funny in the slightest :(

OP posts:
LordPalmerston · 02/11/2013 00:29

Oh

Elderflowergranita · 02/11/2013 00:34

Sounds horrific and I would be fuming.

Under what circumstance would an adult find this acceptable to act out as a 'joke'?

I don't share your phobia but would still find this appalling.

really hope you feel ok, and deal with this horrible behaviour.

neunundneunzigluftballons · 02/11/2013 00:34

Not nice you poor thing you have my sympathies but I don't think your DH had any malice in his actions.

zippey · 02/11/2013 00:36

Sorry to hear your reaction to the joke was so severe. He probably didnt realise enclosed spaces would cover a hoody joke. If he had locked you in a small space, that's different, but he probably didn't know the joke would elicit such a strong response.

Im sure he will be more careful in the future!

As long as there is no malice I don't think he has a case to answer to, so YABU.

CoolaSchmoola · 02/11/2013 00:37

I can understand how upsetting this must have been for you, however, if you have issues with having your eyes covered perhaps wearing a hoody, with the hood up, might not be the best outfit choice when your fear is considered. It's kind of asking for trouble really because it could fall over your eyes in all sorts of situations.

(Slightly confused why you would wear your hood up when you don't like feeling enclosed - hood up is literally encasing your head in fabric.....)

Donkeyok · 02/11/2013 00:41

This was horrible he cut you out right and apologised - profusely?

Sounds like a silly school boy joke, thoughtless as shoe laces together.
Best forgive him.

Just reading your description made me feel trapped my sympathies.

SoleSorceress · 02/11/2013 00:42

Lighten up, it was a joke, sounds as of you.made it worse.

Original poster
MoveYourArmsLikeHenry · 02/11/2013 00:44

Thanks for replying. I know there was no malice intended, but when you are scared all sorts of negative emotions and feelings flood out.
I am fine wearing a hood, I can still see my surroundings. I was even ok when the hood was pulled over my eyes. Its when I couldnt get the hood away that I felt trapped.

OP posts:
Strumpetron · 02/11/2013 00:45

I have a serious phobia OP so I can really sympathise, it must have been awful for you. Don't be too hard on him though, he's apologised and now he'll realise just how bad it is for you

Doinmummy · 02/11/2013 00:45

I'd have found that to be unbearable. I totally sympathise. I got badly panicky when I tried to get a jumper off over my head without undoing the buttons and it got stuck.

GrandstandingBlueTit · 02/11/2013 00:48

Well, yes, in answer to your question, you are over-reacting. But obviously this isn't a rational thing for you, so you can't be blamed for that.

Given that no malice was intended, you're probably best to put it behind you, but to say to your DH that the next time he wants to fool around, it would be preferable not to do it in way that might trigger your phobia.

At least that way there's a learning from the whole thing, and if he does do it again, you have full reason to go postal on his ass.

Strumpetron · 02/11/2013 00:51

It's not an over-reaction if it's a phobia though, it's just a natural reaction. She can't help it. It'd be an over-reaction if she could.

postal on his ass Grin I've heard that saying before but I just had images of stamps on a bum. too much cider

ILetHimKeep20Quid · 02/11/2013 00:56

That's really shitty of him to do that. He purposely causes you distress, watches you panic, then cuts you free. Strange behaviour. How is he generally?

KissesBreakingWave · 02/11/2013 01:00

Standard stupidity. Your reaction in the moment NBU. Carrying it forward it's not learned from would be R too. Hopefully he'll learn.

Original poster
MoveYourArmsLikeHenry · 02/11/2013 01:06

Thanks :)

It was an accident and I do forgive him. Ok my reaction was very embarrassing Blush but have no control over it.

He is a loving dh and its not normally something he would do, but I cant help feeling shook up :(

OP posts:
Careca · 02/11/2013 01:11

it wasn't an accident honey, the strings didn't tie themselves together

he did get more than he bargained for though when you freaked out

hopefully he won't do it again

CrystalDeCanter · 02/11/2013 01:17

Well he's not going to do it again is he? If he did then he's obv cruel.
It sounds like you need to get help with your phobia, panic attacks are awful but help is around. Perhaps use this incident as a reason to tackle the problem.

JoinYourPlayfellows · 02/11/2013 01:25

I think what he did was really horrible even if you didn't have that phobia.

He pulled your hoodie strings tight so that your eyes were covered and the TIED THE STRINGS??

What a prick.

ILetHimKeep20Quid · 02/11/2013 07:54

And now you are embarrassed by your reaction to a distressing situation. That is not right.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 02/11/2013 08:19

Silliy bugger, but probably not malicious arsehole. I take it you're both quite young and still at the point where pranks are funny?

Anyway, he's earned himself a week of ironing, cat worming and grovelling. Milk it for all it's worth.

PublicEnemyNumeroUno · 02/11/2013 08:20

I would have freaked out too.

PrimalLass · 02/11/2013 08:24

I feel panicky just reading that, so I know what you mean.

BlackholesAndRevelations · 02/11/2013 08:26

It was a joke!

Op- it wasn't very nice of him but I'm sure he won't do it again, given your reaction.

I am just wondering why you didn't pull the hoody off over your head rather than chop it up?

SirChenjin · 02/11/2013 08:33

YABU - in the nicest sense Smile

It sounds as if it was one of those things that was meant to be funny (har har), but which went very wrong. He's apologised profusely and is generally a lovely person, so if I were you I would put it behind me.

Have you thought of seeing about some intervention for your phobia?

BaconFrazzles · 02/11/2013 08:37

YANBU at all.

How on earth he can think that what he did was a 'joke' is beyond me! He sounds like he needs to grow up

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