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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I am so angry with dh over this silly thing. Aibu (and over reacting)?

59 replies

MoveYourArmsLikeHenry · 02/11/2013 00:29

I have a huge, terrifying fear of inclosed spaces, being in situations where I cant see properly etc. Earlier on I was wearing my hoodie with the hood up (yes I am weird) and dh thought it would be funny to pull the strings together so that the top of my hood fell over my eyes and sort of closed in. It was ok at first, I didnt feel scared because I knew I could just pull the hood off. I laughed along for a min but then began to feel a bit freaked out so tugged at the hood to pull it off. It wouldnt budge- dh had tied the fucking strings together!

A full on melt down occured, with me frantically pulling at the strings, which of course only made the knot tighter. I was in complete panic mode, crying, screaming, swearing and feeling utterly distressed. Dh tried to untie the strings but it wasnt happening. By this point I thought I was going to pass out (not exaggerating, I actually began to hyper ventilate) so dh grabbed the scissors and cut me free.

I was in a right state. Dh tried to calm me down and said he didnt mean to tie the strings so tight, but apparently it didnt turn into a knot until I started pulling at them! I was really shook up and must have been loud because my baby ds woke up and screamed.

I am so angry with dh. He knows I have this fear and cant understand why he would do something like that. He has apologised and said it was a joke that went wrong.Yes i know he didnt mean to upset me but l didnt find it funny in the slightest :(

OP posts:
owlbegoing · 02/11/2013 08:56

Why did you not just take the hoodie off when the hood wouldn't budge? Confused
I can understand you not thinking of that as you were complete panic mode but surely he'd have thought to do that?? Hmm

GiveItYourBestFucker · 02/11/2013 09:28

YANBU - I would have been exactly the same. Does he have form for being a dick? Or is it a genuine one-off?

ZombieMojaveWonderer · 02/11/2013 09:33

Your husband wasn't being malicious he was just messing around but he did cut you free (I would have just taken the hoodie off personally but I doubt you were thinking clearly)
He probably feels bad for making you feel like that though and I think you are being a bit harsh to be fair.

HumphreyCobbler · 02/11/2013 09:39

god i got in a panic just reading that

i would be fine with forgiving someone that did that to me if they were properly contrite, it is only if THEY tried to make light of it and imply i was at fault that i would be cross. i would then feel worried they may do similar again iyswim.

KCumberSandwich · 02/11/2013 09:43

YANBU, as a teen, my boyfriemd of the time used to think it was hilarious to trap me under the duvet.

he did it several times until one day instead of panicking and crying i smacked him round the head.

i am extremely chlostrophobic and hate any kind of trapped feeling and he knew this about me.

at least your dh has apologised and doesnt sound like he will do this again but it was extremely stupid of him to go.there in the first place.

KCumberSandwich · 02/11/2013 09:47

Just to clarify, i am not suggesting you smack your DH round the head unless he does it again Wink

KatieScarlett2833 · 02/11/2013 09:47

I would have had a panic attack and puked all over him.
I went cold reading this, yuck.
Still it sounds like he was just being a twat. His mummy clearly never taught him that it's funny only if you both are laughing.

DixonBainbridge · 02/11/2013 09:55

Sounds like a joke that went a bit wrong.

I don't think he's being a "Prick" or a "twat" as suggested by some of the more precious posters.

It sounds like he's just had a bit of a learning curve with regards to thinking things through & won't be doing it again!

KatieScarlett2833 · 02/11/2013 10:01

To someone with an anxiety disorder, this is not precious. This is awful.
Imagine being forced to stay in a tiny room accompanied only by something/a you fear. That your partner locked you into.
Not funny.

diddl · 02/11/2013 10:05

YANBU.

But then again just don't get this sort of "joke".

Even if OP didn't have her phobia, I don't get why someone would pull tight & tie another person's hood over their face.

Original poster
MoveYourArmsLikeHenry · 02/11/2013 10:24

Thanks everyone for your opinions, im glad to see at least some of you dont think I am being unreasonable. :)

Why didnt I pull the hoodie off? Because I was too busy having a panic attack :(. If you had a severe spider phobia and one landed on your arm would you think to calmly go to the door/window and throw the spider out? I doubt any rational and logical thoughts would take priority and your first instinct would be to panic and start jumping about to get the spider off. And I have a spider fear too so would definitely do (and have done) this Blush

By the way not having a go by any means :) and I hope that made sense.

OP posts:
KatieScarlett2833 · 02/11/2013 10:27

Perfect sense to me Grin
I once hid under a duvet for 4 hrs to save me from the killer, flappy moth that was battering it's way around my bedroom.
I was only saved by DH coming home. I still remember his WTF face when I told him how long I'd been there Grin

mayorquimby · 02/11/2013 10:51

Not unreasonable to be angry and not calm down straight away despite it not really being dh's fault (in the sense there was no malice) because you still had a not nice experience.
A bit like when someone hurts you by accident when they were trying to muck about. Yes you know they didn't mean it but it still hurts so you're going to be annoyed about that for a minute but just give you some space for a second and an apology and it'll dissipate.

I actually find it a bit selfish of the other person to expect you to return to normal straight away post apology cause they want to stop feeling bad. When in reality it's ok to he a bit pissed off for a short time and process the incident in your own way when ultimately you're not going to hold it against them,

Original poster
MoveYourArmsLikeHenry · 02/11/2013 10:59

katie that sounds awful! A lot of People who dont have these fears dont understand how distressing they are and so see them as silly, childish, stupid etc.

OP posts:
SkullyAndBones · 02/11/2013 11:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
MoveYourArmsLikeHenry · 02/11/2013 11:05

mayor yes thats exactly what its like.
skully thats a good idea. My ds is still a baby but I imagine when he gets older he will enjoy doing the same thing!

OP posts:
firesidechat · 02/11/2013 11:32

I hate with a passion people who play these kind of practical "jokes" and an eternally thankful the my husband doesn't find them remotely funny either.

I can also sympathise with you OP. I don't exactly have claustrophobia, but being trapped like that would make me frantic too. Anyone else remember getting trapped under the covers as a small child and not being able to find your way out? It's a bit like that.

As long as your DH has got the message that this is not to be repeated then I would forgive and forget.

edam · 02/11/2013 12:33

That sounds horrible and you are quite justified in being very pissed off indeed. Thoughtless, cruel thing to do, especially as he knows you have real fear of enclosed spaces. Although I imagine he didn't intend to be so cruel, he was.

I'm glad he's apologised. And hope he understands quite how bad this was.

'Precious' is an unkind thing to say in relation to this thread. It's not so far removed from the attitude of a school bully picking on someone's weak spot.

I have a particular not-quite-a-phobia that dh and ds know about. If either of them every tried to make fun of me by triggering it off, I'd be very upset indeed.

Aniseeda · 02/11/2013 13:19

I understand you being upset but, it sounds as though he really didn't realise how horrific this would turn out for you. He has apologised and he did his best to help at the time.

It's reasonable for you to need some time to calm down though so he should be patient.

If he ever does it again - that would be the time to be furious with him.

Someone once pretended to throw a spider at me - he certainly didn't anticipate the complete meltdown it would cause. He was absolutely mortified and apologetic and I forgave him after a few hours! I think it taught him a valuable lesson that preying on someone's genuine phobia is not funny.

Branleuse · 02/11/2013 13:28

i would be furious too

Original poster
MoveYourArmsLikeHenry · 02/11/2013 14:18

Forgiven and forgotten (well, not quite forgotten) now.

I asked him today what his reasons were for doing the offending actions. He said it was so I would look like kenny from south park Hmm bloody nitwit.

OP posts:
SirChenjin · 02/11/2013 14:20

I'm sure he won't ever do that again - the numpty!

Strumpetron · 02/11/2013 14:23

He said it was so I would look like kenny from south park

Glad everything is okay now. OP I once launched a knife and a bell pepper at my DH. Nope, it wasn't an attempt to kill him, it was just I have a phobia of seeds, clusters and holes and whilst I've trained myself to be able to look at bell peppers THERE WAS A PEPPER GROWING WITHIN THE PEPPER, I just burst into tears and wanted to get it away from me, unfortunately he was stood right by me! Took him some time to understabd.

QuintesKabooom · 02/11/2013 14:24

To be honest, your op nearly gave me a panic attack purely from reading it.

I dont see how on earth a grown man would find it funny/interesting to tie up somebody's hoody in this manner.

If I were you, I would be very wary, and look out for signs of other ways in which he is "accidentally" hurting you/scaring you.

QuintesKabooom · 02/11/2013 14:25

Scissors? up in the face of somebody having a frantic panic attack?

Hmm

This could have ended so badly.

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