To be so cross at being sent flowers..

[CrustaceanRelation]

AGAIN!

IABU in a way, I know that. You don't get to dictate what gifts you are given and you should be gracious in receipt BUT..I hate cut flowers, always have, I've never really understood the point, they are ridiculously expensive, usually don't look particularly natural, have ethical/environmental dodginess. In my case, they make me sneeze and they hardly get looked at as I'm out all the time, and I have to put them high out of DCs reach and therefore normally somewhere a bit odd.

I have just received a bouquet by post from PIL for my birthday - again. Addressed to Mrs DH's name . I didn't take his name and DCs are a double barreled mine-his. We've been married nearly a decade and have 2 DCs. I have got flowers from them at nearly every event and each time have tried to be polite but indicate I'd rather go without a gift. A year or so ago I got so fed up I insisted DH talk to FIL and he's sure he was very clear - but here they are again. They never, ever ask what I would like, and have made no effort to get to know me so would have no idea.

My birthday is not going to be fun. We have no spare cash (we are in no way on a low income but childcare, car and house maintenance have nearly broken us over the last few months), we can't go out for a meal or get a takeaway, have no family nearby and the weather is going to be rubbish. I dread to think what they've spent on flowers that could have been not spent, or given and = a real treat for us. One of our outgoings is £100/month to them to pay off a loan they gave us to help with car costs so this is just laughably pointless.

I know IABU to be so het up and cross, I'm low, stressed about cash and hormonal. Aargh

Sub human scum!

Ask them to send you a bouquet of money next time?

Yabu.

Pil bashing for the bloody sake of it.

Thank you Moku - I've always felt like this. DH knows this, and never buys me flowers. He's bought me herbs for the garden and a lovely houseplant cos it's name reminded him of something.

MrTumles - I'd really rather have a nice card and no present. I'm just not into money being wasted at all.

YABU. Just accept them in good grace. You are lucky to be receiving a gift, plenty of people don't.
If you dislike them so much then why not take them to the hospice where somebody else might?

like them that is !

You know yourself that you're not being reasonable about the choice of gift but I do share in it, I'm not a fan of getting flowers either but it is the thought that counts.

The name thing is different, they should call you by your real name.

Wow.

Just wow.

For fear of breaking guidelines, reckon I'll leave there....

"I'm just not into money being wasted at all."

I get where you are coming from, but it isn't your money they are wasting.

woowoo - see, I actually felt like we HAD to tell them, as they weren't getting hints and continued to throw money away on them, year after year. I'd much rather someone told me in a kind way (and DH just isn't a rude person) that they weren't the ideal gift. I primed him to mention that vases and the DC made it esp tricky to have them in the house so it wasn't too hurtful about all the earlier bouquets i had insincerely thanked for.

Yanbu the name thing is just bloody rude and you are allergic to flowers!

Do they know they make you sneeze?

For ages my in-laws did gifts like flowers or smellies/bubble bath etc but I am allergic, generally they dotn get them anymore but do sometimes despite knowing I am allergic.

Dp and I aren't married but the kids have a double barreled named, this was ignored an threy only gave the kids DPs name until one day one of the boys asked them why they didn't use their proper name! Unprompted by me I was just ignoring it. It solved that problem tho!

YANBU about the name. That would drive me crackers too.

But is it maybe that you have been difficult about gifts over the years and they are at a loss and so think 'well, let's send flowers. Can't go wrong with flowers'. Although mind you, it is not beyond the realms of normalness for them to ring your DH and ask what you would like and for him to say 'a pot of rosemary would be perfect'.

Happy birthday Crust and Ziggie, its mine too! I also find flowers totally pointless.

CrustaceanRealtion - if my elderly Grandmother-in-law can remember my (also unchanged) name than most people can. It's really not hard.

So, YANBU about them getting your name wrong.

I think what I don't like about flowers is other people's expectation that I must like them. However, I don't really expect a birthday gift from anyone other than dh so I'm on the fence about whether YABU or not.

I will definitely, definitely give them to someone who likes them, honestly. So they're not going to get wasted, and you're right Bun it's not mine but they could keep it.

Thanks for those that have understood the name thing is probably a bigger thing. Do you not think that there's anything in that usual or is it all unwarranted?!

No, the name thing is a disrespectful. They sound utterly clueless though, rather than trying to be passive aggressive, or have I read it wrong?

Regardless, this little foray in AIBU has made me feel loads better. I'm over it, planning who I'll give to that would love them and will send a text to say thank you. Feel like a flaming should be offered as therapy!

The name thing would annoy me slightly.

I wouldn't get all ragey over it though.

It's just a generation thing.

I am visualising a mushroom cloud over your head!

And tbh I don't expect presents from anyone.

I love flowers but my mum hates them!

Didn't speak to my dad for weeks because he ordered her a massive bouquet of lovely flowers for her birthday once, she dumped them in the bathroom sink as she couldn't bear to look at them was quite funny and is now a running joke, I just asked my dad if he bought her any flowers for her birthday (this weekend) and he just gave me a knowing look lol!

Happy Birthday birthday sharers - have a lovely weekend for all of you

YANBU to prefer something else. I quite like flowers but only expensive ones which I don't get. But get a cheap bunch from a garage or something which I want to chuck back.

Even if YABU, it is understandable why. I'm know Id prefer a practical present in your shoes. Can see why PIL might not wish to give you cash but a present of something you need anyway to ease the finances would be kind. Can also see why you'd be hurt that the present is so impersonal. Perhaps your DH could make a suggestion in advance next time.
Most likely answer is they didn't know what to do so played safe.
Happy bday though.

If you don't like them why not take them to your local church, retirement home or random person on the street? I'm sure they'll make someone smile.
Happy birthday btw, have a lovely evening.

I hate getting cut flowers too - pointless, dead and rotting. I recently discovered that DM doesn't like them either, though she does like pot plants (I don't like them either though).

Getting you something you don't like isn't unkind except that they've been told you don't like them. They've been told your name, they've been told why flowers are unsuitable. It's like they're sending a present to the DIL they wish they had, rather than the real one

I get that you'd rather have nothing than something you don't want. I don't subscribe to the MN orthodoxy that one must be grateful for any scrap of generosity or kindness thrown in one's way.

So YANBU to be and but YmightBU to do anything more about it.