To think my DF shouldn't have to resort to doing this

[WahIzzit]

I have a DF (friend) who is originally from another European country. She met her British DH here a few years ago, and are now happily married with a baby and all live in the UK. She decided against changing her maiden name for feminist reasons however their DS shares his father's surname.

DF travels back to her home country about twice a year to see elderly parents etc and her DH also enjoys travelling there too. A few months ago however due to new job commitments he was unable to go with them so she travelled alone with their young ds. She was quite stressed on her return when we eventually met up. She informed me that at both airports she was questioned repeatedly about the relationship between her and the child as they have different surnames, as well as passports of differing nationalities. The British border control insisted on seeing his birth certificate (er yeah because you just carry these sorts of documents in your pocket dont you), and other country's insisted on seeing some other proof valid for its own citizens. She had neither and ended up in tears with a distressed baby and no idea why they were being so difficult when normally they breeze through security when her DH is with them.

She is due to go back early next year, as her DM is very frail and feels the urge to see her. Unfortunately her DH will not be able to go again, so she will travel alone with her DS. She is now thinking of changing her surname to his if it saves her the hassle each time she travels abroad. She is sad about this because A. She doesn't really want to and B. It seems like a big unnecessary headache with the paperwork etc.

I feel really cross on her behalf, no doubt she isn't the first mother to ever travel with her baby who both dont share surnames. (What about all the non-married folk etc? I refused to change my surname to DH's, but have never travelled alone with my DC. Perhaps they would spare us as we all have British passports). Many will agree it is difficult enough going abroad with a young child, and I feel annoyed she feels she is reduced to doing this to make it easier to travel with her baby. There must be another way surely?

Dh and I are different nationalities and our dc have both passports. We also have different names and the dc's have his name. We do not live in either of our home country's, and travel internationality at least 3 times per year.

Whenever we go to the UK, i just go in the British passport queue with them. Immigration have never questioned me.

When i travel without dh, I usually carry a letter from dh saying the dc's have his permission to travel with me, their mom. I hate the idea of the letter saying I have his permission to travel with my own children.

I have never had more than the 'what's your relationship to the children?' And in the occasional airport I have had to show my letter. I wouldn't change my name, it is too much hassle for something that isnt really a major deal.

I've also had this entering the US and Canada, three times. I had both BC and a letter from Dp however on one occasion Dd was about 6 months old, I was held for nearly an hour until they were certain of I don't know what. It probably doesn't help that I barely look like Dd. I've come to expect it now.