Help needed please

[Libby2267]

Unfortunatley my son who is at uni has got a girl pregnant. He very stupidly didnt use protection. I have only met the girl in question very briefly. After a lot of thought my son decided to do the right thing and support the child. After already having 2 previous abortions, with other boys, she decided that, although knowing my son was at uni, to go ahead and have the baby. She has turned out to be a complete nightmare, everything my son has done has not been right ! He has bought lots of things for the baby. I have put this down to hormones and have tried to be understanding. My son has had nothing but abuse from this girl, and so has now decided that he cannot play an active role with the child, although he has always said that he would support financially, although at uni.
My problem is, this girl has a terrible reputation in our town, and i am beginning to think that this baby might not be his ! She constantly goes on about not going through the csa and to just give her money when the baby is born.
Looking back, according to the expected due date, from the time of conception and the time she rang me to tell me the news was THREE weeks ??!! Is this possible ?
Would be really grateful for any replys
Many thanks x

Her original posts were horrible, referring to nasty gossip about this girl who had deliberately got pregnant to trap her unlucky son. I doubt there are many of us with DS's who would not have a moment where we let that thought into our heads, even if it did not stay there for long.

Struck me as venting...which might come across as unpleasant but also completely understandable. Everyone needs to vent sometimes and here is as good a place as any!!

And also that. Posting this in 'relationships' might have been a better place

Thank you for your reply. As i said in an earlier post, i dont listen to gossip. It is a fact, that she wanted to get a flat, which she now has by the way, courtesy of taxpayers.

Thank you everlong, you are very right there.

Oh. A nice flat courtesy of taxpayers.

Quite a few people on here had their expensive University education courtesy of taxpayers. Given the level of graduate unemployment, your son might also have to rely on the taxpayer in the near future.

Stepaway, I have a son, if he makes some one pregnant by mistake he has no one to blame but himself. I'd never think of it as his being trapped.

As for OP not listening to gossip, not only is she listening to it she's repeating it on here. "This girl has a terrible reputation in our town " and "every one knows she deliberately got pregnant"

And her last post about the flat is classic Daily Fail .

Can't remember who mentioned it but I do hope the girl comes here too.

Women do get pregnant on purpose whilst misleading their partners, people on here have admitted doing it with FWB/husbands.

I know people in real life that have had a child knowing they'll be housed and taken care of. It happens.

OP, contrary to popular belief, they don't hand out council homes willy nilly. Her circumstances were obviously urgent enough for her to be granted a home- perhaps she was kicked out of her home, overcrowding, abuse etc. Of course, you don't know that much about the girl. You don't just turn up at the council HQ and go 'Look I'm pregnant' waves soggy pg test and they go 'So you are, here's the keys to a flat, courtesy of every tax paying mug in the country.'

If you think that she is defrauding the system, however, by lying about her circumstances in order to jump the queue, by all means, report the unworthy cow to the council.

You said in your OP that you have told your son that whatever he decides you will stand by him

I don't think that's a very healthy attitude as a potential grandmother OP. It is not your role to be that judgemental about their relationship. You sound too involved in the ins and outs rather than simply supporting your son with a listening ear to help work him through the situation and decide what his responses and actions will be.

yy Classic Daily Fail.

A gold-digger would be unlikely to target a student as opposed to an older man with a job who is likely to have no immediate or future debts.

My XH is at "uni" watching CSI studying forensic psychology and he has avoided paying maintenance for thirteen years.

OP didn't say the pregnant woman was given a council flat. She may be privately renting. I thought she would be entitled to enough housing benefit for a 2 bed flat when she was 24 weeks pregnant.
Not sure about this but it was definitely the case with my LA just a few years back.

if you are old enough to procreate, you are old enough to sort your own mess out

I hate this atitude. My lovely Dniece became pregnant at 14. I don't think she was old enough or mature enough to sort her own mess out
And what ever your age if you had0ve made this sort of mistake/been stupidly careless, you could still do with some help and advice from friends and family. In a difficult and emotionally confusing situation like this, not everyone is strong enough to sort out the mess. Whatever their age.

OP is concerned for her son and looking out for his best interests. Why shouldn't she be?

For everything your son is telling you this young lady will also be telling her version of the situation to her parents. You have only met her briefly and you can't be 100% certain that your son is not embelleshing or dsicreetly leaving out important information that he passes on to you in order to make himself look better in the situation. It cuts both ways.

If your son has genuine doubts about paternity then a DNA test would be appropriate but he should approach the young woman with respect and not all guns blazing demanding one, just because it's a kinder way to behave. By the sound of the comments, you wrote in your original OP, gossip is clouding HOW you treat this young woman. I wonder if others are discussing your son in the manner of getting a girl pregnant and leaving her high and dry? Your family would find that upsetting, I'm sure. It would be kinder to both parties to encourage better communication and perhaps try and gain the young woman's trust rather than making her feel like the enemy. People are not stupid, if you are saying things between each other about reputations, birth certificates, etc then behaviour towards her won't be genuinely kind and she will sense this. This will make her put her guard up and be defensive when dealing with your son. A breakdown in their relationship will surely hinder any future relationship your grandchild may enjoy with their grandparents?

I am sorry you are in this predicament, I really am. I am to be a grandmother for the first time next year and it's all been a shock to us not helped by the fact I didn't get on well with the young lady in the beginning of her relationship with my son. However, we have worked hard at getting to know each other and I have had to take a huge step back from my son's life and accept this is his business - I am there if either of them need me and I am looking forward to the arrival of our grandchild very much.

Good luck.

Sparkle, good for you. What a positive outlook.

He should definitely have a DNA test done before committing to any financial support.